Personal Growth

Choosing the Right Path

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Back in school, I wasn’t the best test taker.  I usually didn’t prepare very well and my technique when I got stuck, which was often, amounted to little more than closing my eyes and selecting whichever answer my pencil landed on.  Fortunately, my studying and test taking habits have gotten much better.

Earlier this week I was taking an exam for work.  I had prepared well and was ready to take the test.  However, about half way into the exam I got stuck on a couple of questions and also noticed that I might be a little behind, based on time and questions remaining.  For a moment, I could sense the beginnings of feeling frazzled.  (I’m very familiar with what this feels like, as it was a regular occurrence in school.)

Suddenly all these non-productive thoughts started to flood my mind:

  • “You’re not going to get the score you need to pass.”
  • “You’re going to have to retake this test.”
  • “Think of all the time you’re going to have to spend re-studying!”
  • “You’re half-way through your allotted time and you still have half the questions left AND several you have to go back and review. You’ll never make it!”
  • “You don’t know this material as well as you thought. Perhaps you weren’t ready to take this exam.”

I felt like I had approached a very real fork in the road.  The path to the left is where I would decide that these thoughts had merit and as a result, I’d allow myself to get sloppy and lazy in how I approached the rest of the exam, knowing that failure was likely where I was heading.  The path to the right is where I would recognize my thoughts for what they were (a distraction and not a prophecy), push them to the side, and double down on doing my very best.

I chose the path to the right.  I also scored a 93%.  Well beyond what was needed to pass.

It’s amazing to me how my own negative thoughts felt like a physical force pushing against me, much like a headwind against a runner or cyclist.  The best way we can combat the negative force of our own thoughts is by replacing them with thoughts of determination and commitment to successfully complete what we’ve set out to do.  (If that feels challenging in the moment, starting with a prayer would be a good way to begin.)

When you face the headwind of your own negative thinking, realize that these thoughts are not prophetic, and you’re not required to agree with them.  Then, immediately challenge them with positive thoughts and actions that support those positive thoughts.

We can control our thoughts and ultimately use them to take us down the path we want to travel.

The Unknown

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What are the first thoughts that go through your mind when you hear the phrase, “The Unknown”?  Is it:

  • Fear
  • Anxiety
  • Scary
  • Confusing
  • A mystery
  • Something to be avoided

If we think of The Unknown as a destination, it represents somewhere we have never been, and therefore have never had any experience with.  I’d like to introduce the following thought regarding The Unknown:

“Just because you’ve never been somewhere doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go there.”

Think about that for a moment.  What if you never:

  • Traveled to a place you’ve never been before
  • Attempted to learn something new
  • Met people you didn’t already know
  • Undertook something you’ve never done before
  • Exposed yourself to different cultures and surroundings

What kind of impact do you think this would have on us?  What is the price we would pay in terms of the richness and quality of our lives if we always sought to avoid The Unknown?  Although I’m not exactly sure how you’d quantify that, I am certain the price would be quite high.

While The Unknown can be a scary place, and sometimes a place we didn’t choose to go, we shouldn’t be afraid of it simply because it is unknown to us.  For it can also be:

  • Exciting
  • Life changing in a positive way
  • Filled with opportunity
  • Full of adventure
  • Eagerly awaiting your arrival to bestow unimaginable joy and blessings
  • Where you’ll learn more about yourself than you every thought possible
  • An experience you’ll be able to encourage others with

The next time you’re feeling nervous or scared about venturing into The Unknown, seek out someone who has been where you haven’t been or has done what you haven’t done yet.  For them, our destination is not unknown.  Their experience can give us the courage we need as we step into our Unknown.

Here’s a final thought:  Someone else’s scary Unknown is familiar territory for you.  When you come across these people, put an arm around them and encourage them as they step in.

Start and Stop

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“I’d like to …

  • Live a healthy and active lifestyle
  • Have control of my finances
  • Improve my attitude
  • Become a better leader
  • Be a better spouse/partner
  • Parent my children well
  • Be well read
  • Improve the quality of my relationships
  • Learn to play a musical instrument well
  • Make a bigger contribution with my life”

 

Have you ever heard someone make a statement like this?  Perhaps you’ve even made a similar statement yourself.  I have.

Whenever I hear statements like these, either from others or from myself, the first thought that pops into my head is, “Then start doing what that type of person does”.

If you’d like to: Then START doing what:
Live a healthy and active lifestyle Healthy people do
Become a better leader Good leaders do
Improve your attitude People with good attitudes do
Be a better spouse/partner People in solid committed relationships do
Have control of your finances Financially stable people do
Parent your children well Good parents do
Improve the quality of your relationships People with deep friendships do
Make a bigger contribution with your life People who are making a difference with their lives do

 

The second thought that comes to mind when I think about something I’d like to be doing, is to stop doing things that would take me in the opposite direction.

If you’d like to: Then STOP doing what:
Live a healthy and active lifestyle Couch potatoes do
Become a better leader Bad leaders do
Improve your attitude People with bad attitudes do
Be a better spouse/partner People who devalue committed relationships do
Have control of your finances Broke people do
Parent your children well Bad parents do
Improve the quality of your relationships People with poor relationships do
Make a bigger contribution with your life Apathetic or indifferent people do

 

No matter what it is we want to achieve, there are healthy patterns of behavior that will get us there.  Likewise, there are other behavior patterns that will lead us in the opposite direction from where we want to be.  We are fortunate to be able to observe both types of patters in others, so that we can adjust our own behaviors to help us get the results we want.

Is there a goal or positive trait you’d like to develop in your life?  If so, look at others who exemplify that trait, find out what behaviors they routinely follow that brings that trait about in their life, and then put those behaviors into practice in your own life.  Also be on the lookout for examples of the behaviors that are contrary to where you want to go.  Avoid those.

Examples abound.  We only have to look for them; and learn from them as well.

See What’s Inside

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A Few years ago, my wife and I started looking more closely at nutrition labels on packaged food.  Specifically, we started paying attention to the ingredients to see what’s actually inside some of the food we were consuming.  We were shocked!

It was, and continues to be amazing to us how foods that are packaged as “healthy” or “good for you” can contain so many ingredients to the contrary.  Simple foods you’d expect would only contain a couple of ingredients often contain so many ingredients, many of which we can’t even pronounce.  We stopped eating foods with longs lists of ingredients we couldn’t pronounce.

The lesson we learned is that if we want to know if something is good for us, we need to make the effort to read the ingredients in order to “see” what’s inside, because a quick glance at the packaging can be deceiving.

I think it’s like that with people too.  We often can’t tell what someone’s like just from appearances, because appearances, much like food packaging, don’t always give an accurate picture of what’s inside.  A quick glance at appearances will tell you very little about:

  • Character
  • Integrity
  • Attitude
  • Mindset
  • Compassion
  • Beliefs
  • Ambitions

To get a glimpse of what’s on the inside of a person we need to pay attention to their:

  • Speech
  • Habits
  • Interactions with others
  • Actions
  • Responses to different scenarios

Just like knowing what’s inside the food we eat, so we can make good choices, we should know what’s inside the people we’re surrounding ourselves with.  And while we’re at it, wouldn’t hurt to take a look at ourselves to know what’s inside of us as well.

Take Before You Give

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“You can’t give blame until you take responsibility”  ~ Craig Groeschel; Pastor, Life.Church

No one likes looking foolish, stupid, or like a failure.  I think this is the primary reason people have a tendency to blame others or circumstances when something we’re responsible for doesn’t go as planned.

In an effort to avoid looking bad in front of others, we almost automatically seek to place the blame someplace, any place, other than on us.  The paradox is that when we always place blame instead of taking responsibility, we actually do look bad in front of others, which is the very thing we’re trying to avoid.

What if the next time something we’re in charge of goes sideways, instead of choosing to place blame, we choose instead to not only take responsibility for the situation, but for its resolution as well?

From a leadership standpoint, this is the right thing to do.  When we take responsibility for our results we are communicating to others that we care about the quality of our work, about our contribution, and that we can be counted on to follow through to a successful completion.

No one has ever looked foolish doing that.

Act Like a Baby

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Persistent

Determined

Tenacious

Focused

When you hear those words, does any specific type or group of people come to mind? Perhaps you think of a high achiever or someone who seems to get things done regardless of their circumstances.  For me when I hear those words I think of… babies.

Think about a baby that’s learning to walk.  They struggle to stand up, even with the support of a solid object, they wobble around, and they fall down.  But what makes me think of babies when I hear those words, is that after each setback or failed attempt, babies get back up and try again.

Once they get it in their mind to start walking, they will not be stopped until they achieve that goal.   They don’t quit because it’s hard.  They don’t complain because they suck at their first attempts.  A baby will repeat the process of getting up and falling down until they have mastered walking.

I stand in awe of the persistence, determination, tenacity, and focus of babies.

Is there any skill you’re currently trying to learn that has you frustrated and wanting to quit?  If so, I encourage you to act like a baby and embrace the process of falling down and getting back up to try again.

If a skill we’re trying to learn is truly important to us, we should approach it with the same level of persistence, determination, tenacity, and focus.

May we all be more like babies in this regard.

You Won’t Stay There For Long

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Last Friday I bought my first bass guitar.  The following Wednesday evening I had my first bass guitar lesson.  I’ve been learning to play Louie Louie, Peter Gunn, Smoke on the Water, and Iron Man.  It’s been a lot of fun, but I’ve also realize something:  when it comes to playing the bass… I suck!

And you know what?  That’s exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Think about it.  We don’t go from being a beginner to mastering a topic in 1 lesson.  Learning is a process, and that process starts with not being very good (sucking) at whatever it is we’re attempting to learn.  It’s here where we begin identifying what we need to do to become better and then focusing our efforts toward that end.

When we suck at something, we have clear benchmarks to measure our progress.  In my case as a bass player, I’m sure I’ll suck next week too, but not as much as I do this week.  I’ll be able to see where I’ve improved over the last week and what I need to improve on in the week ahead.

The problem comes when we equate sucking at something because we’re new to it, with being incapable of learning.  As a result of this line of thinking, we often give up way too early without ever embracing the learning process and trusting that as we diligently progress, we will suck much less in the future that we do today.

I encourage you to get comfortable with the discomfort of the learning process.  If there’s’ something you’d like to study, learn, or pursue, go after it knowing that you’re GOING TO suck at first.  But also know that if you stick with it, you won’t stay there for long.

Thousands of People Do It Everyday

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When I set out to learn a new skill, there’s a phase in the beginning where I feel stupid because I’m being challenged by something I’ve never done before.  Whether it’s learning to read music, mastering a piece of software, learning to fly, or pumping my own gas ( I live in Oregon where we have laws against me doing that), there’s an initial awkward feeling that raises questions and doubt regarding my ability to grasp and apply what I’m attempting to learn. This is a time when it’s very easy to quit because our doubt is high and our ability is low.

Whenever I feel like this, I reassure myself with the following thought:  “Every day thousands of people are successfully doing what I’m trying learn today”

Now I’ve never been accused of being the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I’m also far from the dullest.  As experience has shown me, I am quite capable of learning new skills and grasping complex topics.  I’ll the same could be said of you.

I think we’re all susceptible to feeling overwhelmed and frustrated when we’re in the beginning stages of learning something new.  However, I also think each one of us is capable of positively resetting our minds by reminding ourselves that several other people, just like us, have pursued and mastered the same thing we’re attempting to learn.  And, just like we are now, they likely struggled doing it.

May we be encouraged by their success.

Surroundings Impact Attitude

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Here in the Pacific Northwest, we often get long stretches of gray, dreary, rainy days during the winter months.  String enough of those days together and it can start to impact your attitude, unless you’ve planned ahead for how to keep that from happening.

I’m amazed how much our surroundings impact our attitude.  My plan for making it through Pacific Northwest winters (and any other season for that matter) with my attitude positively intact has been to ensure I’m surrounded by things that bring me joy and lift my spirit. For me, that includes things like:

  • Making sure the spaces I’m in have plenty of bright light. Preferably natural light.
  • Listening to music or podcasts with upbeat or positive messages.
  • Spending time connecting with God by reading the Bible and communicating with Him through prayer.
  • Interacting with people who are, positive, encouraging, or full of joy.
  • Collaborating with people on something that benefits others.
  • Having art or pictures around that I find pleasing to view.

My own experience informs me that when my surroundings are positive, my attitude isn’t far behind.

What changes can you make to your surroundings today that would have an immediate and positive impact on your attitude?

Why not make that change right now?

Consider Your Approach

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A piano will just sit there and let you bang away at the keys and make a lot of noise, or allow you to use it to product beautiful music.  In fact, it’s like that with every musical instrument.  The instrument doesn’t care what you do to it.  The difference is the musician who approaches the instrument.

The quality of music an instrument will yield is based solely on how the musician approaches the instrument, with regard to experience, skill, desire, passion, and attitude.  The more of these qualities the musician approaches the instrument with, the better the quality of music the instrument will return and, in the long run, the better the musician will become.

I think it’s a lot like that with life.  A significant portion of what we receive from life is largely dependent on how we are approaching life.  Imagine how different a person’s life would be if they chose to approach their life with:

  • Wonder
  • Curiosity
  • Eagerness to learn
  • Gratitude
  • A positive attitude
  • An expectation of good things to come
  • A bent toward action
  • A mindset of joy, abundance, and love.

Versus an approaching life with:

  • Disinterest
  • Bitterness
  • Apathy
  • Laziness
  • An expectation of bad things to come
  • A mindset of pessimism, and fear

So what are you receiving from life on a regular basis?  Are you receiving beautiful music or harsh disorderly noise?

If you don’t like what you’re receiving from life, consider changing your approach.