Perspective

Take in the Experience

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I love to hike, and since I live in the Pacific Northwest of the United States, I’m fortunate to get a large dose of natural scenic beauty on a regular basis.  My favorite hiking destinations are the ones that reward hikers for their effort with a commanding view and breathtaking scenery.  Starting early in the morning on a challenging hike to a much anticipated viewpoint is one of my favorite ways to spend a day.  The anticipation of the view and then finally seeing it with my own eyes is exhilarating.  For me, it’s one of those events that make me thankful to be alive.

Three Sisters Wilderness

Three Sisters Wilderness

One thing I’ve noticed about myself in recent years is that when I reach one of these viewpoints, I immediately begin taking pictures of the scene.  Depending on the view, I can easily take over 100 pictures in my attempt to capture the beautiful scene before me.  I don’t want to miss a single detail!

Inevitably, after several minutes at my feverish picture-taking pace, I begin to hear a voice inside of me saying, “Hey, enough pictures.  Just stop, and take in the experience.”

At that point I put the camera away and just take in the experience with all of my senses.  I literally feast my eyes on the scene before me, noticing shapes, colors, contrasts and myriad other details that I had missed while seeing it through the screen of a digital camera.  I listen to the whooshing sound of the wind as it blows through the tops of pine trees or across the face of a rock-exposed mountain.  I hear the unique sound that a river makes as water curls over a rock and collapses back on itself.  There are also the tactile feelings and fresh smells of the surrounding environment that make for a complete experience.  All of these things I would have missed, had I continued taking pictures.

Those hiking experiences always cause me to wonder what else I may be missing out on in my non-hiking life when I don’t stop and take in the experience.  Where am I busily rushing around, forgetting to stop and enjoy the surrounding environment, event, or people I’m with?  Hiking is good for me in that respect.  It provides me with a mental reset, a reminder to be mindful about taking in the experience, no matter what I’m doing.

What about you?  Are there areas of your life where your too busy “taking pictures” that you’re forgetting to stop and take in the experience?  Start becoming mindful about what you’re doing and who you’re with.  Decide now that although you’ll take some pictures along the way, you’ll also be sure to put the camera down and take in the experience as well.

Choose the Real Thing Instead of a Cheap Imitation

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If cost were no issue, which would you rather have:

  • An authentic Rolex or a cheap knock off
  • The Hope diamond or a rhinestone
  • An authentic painting by Rembrandt or an imitation

We all want the real thing instead of a cheap imitation, right?  Then why do we so willingly exchange real, authentic, in-person interactions with those closest to us, for a cheap imitation of social media and electronic communication with people who aren’t even there?

Before we go any further, let me just say that I am not against social media, e-mail, texting, or any other form of electronic communication.  I use many of them myself, and think they are great tools for communicating and staying connected.  However, I do think they are a barrier to communication when we use these tools while in the presence of our loved ones, taking our attention away from them, in order to observe the lives of other people that aren’t even present.

We’ve all seen the couple or group setting together at a restaurant or public place, where someone in the party has their face buried in their smart phone, totally ignoring everyone around them.  They obviously think enough of the person or people they’re with to be seen in public together.  Yet the smart phone appears to be more interesting, more important, than the people they are physically present with.

What kind of message does this send to the people we’re with when we consciously choose to interrupt our interaction with them in order to answer the slightest noise or vibration from our smart phone?  Does this make them feel valued, appreciated, respected, or loved?  Perhaps, but I doubt it.

One of my greatest experiences of someone showing me value and respect was early in my career, before smart phones were even popular.  I was new in my position and needed guidance from Anne, an expert in her department who was in high demand as a senior talent at our organization.  I scheduled some time on her calendar and was sitting in her office as she was explaining how our systems and applications work.  During our meeting her phone rang, but Anne didn’t budge.  Normally, people in our organization would have just answered the phone, regardless of whether someone was sitting in their office, so I was kind of expecting her to do likewise.  After a couple of rings I said, “Did you want to get that?”  Her answer blew me away.  Still ignoring the ringing phone, she said, “No.  I’m talking with you right now.”

I can’t remember a time since then in my professional career when I have felt more acknowledged, valued, and appreciated than Anne made me feel that day, all by simply giving me her uninterrupted attention.

Is there someone in your life who would love to feel valued and appreciated by the gift of your uninterrupted attention?  Starting today, look for opportunities to unplug from the grid momentarily and simply enjoy being in the presence, the uninterrupted presence, of those you love and care for.  Choose the genuine, authentic experience of being an active participant who is focused on the person or people that are present with you, instead of settling for a cheap imitation of being a virtual spectator to someone else’s life who isn’t even there.  The people you’re with will notice.  Your actions will tell them that you value and care enough about them to give them your undivided attention.

What a great gift to give to others… as well as to receive.

Just Pick One

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Have you ever been overwhelmed by a large number of choices available to a decision you had to make?  I have.

I can remember, several years ago, when my wife Mickey and I trying to decide what color to paint some rooms in our house.  There were so many choices at the paint counter.  Who knew there were 10,000 shades of brown to choose from! We couldn’t decide which color would be “just perfect”, so we ultimately put off the decision until the following year, where we would again repeat the process for a few more years.

The same thing has happened in selecting travel destinations.  There are so many great places to go that Mickey and I, in the past, had a hard time picking a destination.  As a result, we’d put off a decision and wind up not going anywhere for the entire year.  We missed out on a lot of opportunities to travel and see new things as a result of the indecision caused by being overwhelmed with choices.

Here’s something I’ve learned through these experiences:  It doesn’t matter that you pick the “perfect” color or travel destination.  What matters is that you make a choice and move ahead.

It helps to realize that for a large majority of the choices we have to make:

  • There isn’t just one, single, perfect choice.
  • If we make a bad choice, we can always re-evaluate and make another choice later.
  • The most important thing is to make a decision and take action.

Is there a decision you need to make where you’re overwhelmed with a large number of potential choices?  If so, realize that there are likely several great choices you can make, versus only a single, perfect choice.  So make a choice and take action today.  You can always make a different choice later.  However, you’ll probably find that the choice you initially made was indeed a good one, if not great or even perfect.

Enjoy what’s in Season

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It was bound to start happening, and it did a few weeks ago. I’m beginning to see subtle changes hinting at the imminent end of summer.  However, the most notable change:  it’s starting to be dark dark when I wake up in the morning.

I normally wake up at 5:30am and one of my favorite things about summer is getting up in the morning and being greeted by a bright sunny morning.  A cool, sunny, summer morning in the early hours just after dawn is hard to beat!  I love going for a walk or heading off to some outdoor adventure on mornings like this!  The air is still and cool, the temperatures haven’t become too hot yet, the colors are so vibrant from the light cast by the sun that is low on the horizon, and not many people are up and about yet, especially on the weekends.  They don’t know what they’re missing, but I don’t mind.  It makes me feel like I have the whole morning to myself.

So for me, it’s always a little disheartening, to see the first few dark mornings in the waning days of summer, because it reminds me that winter and its dark, rainy, cold mornings is not far behind.  Those first dark mornings also remind me of something else:  to enjoy and appreciate each remaining summer morning as much as I can, before the season is over.

There are a lot of other things in life that we only have the opportunity to enjoy it for a season like:

  • Living in a specific neighborhood, city or state that we really enjoy, but eventually decide to leave for other opportunities.
  • Good friends we enjoy spending time with, who move away or whose life circumstances make it more challenging to spend the time with them that we once did.
  • Children, who eventually move out to attend college, join the military, or to follow other pursuits.

While it can be tough to experience the loss of relationships, places, or things as we’ve always known them, I think it should also remind us to be mindful about enjoying and appreciating those people, places, and things that make us happy and bring a joy…  while we currently have them.

Enjoy the time you spend with those people most important to you and actively engage with them.  Really experience the places you love to visit and the things you love to do. Be present.  Be grateful.  And take nothing for granted.   That way you’ll feel like you took full advantage of the time and experiences you had… in the season you had them.

Are You Squandering Opportunities to Make Memories

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Last Tuesday evening at 9:30, my mom called up with an interesting problem.

My 93 year old grandma (aka Granny) had spent the last couple weeks visiting Oregon from Colorado and was scheduled to fly back home the next morning.  In order to ensure Granny had a smooth trip and made her connections, my mother was going to fly back with Granny from Portland to Salt Lake City, then from Salt Lake City to Grand Junction, where Granny’s other daughter would be waiting to take possession.  After the successful “Granny transaction”, my mother would then hop on a plane to retrace her route back to Portland.

The problem was that my mother was currently suffering from a bad bout of vertigo and wasn’t in any condition to drive a car or hop on an airplane in the next 24 hours.  Granny’s flight was scheduled to leave in less than 9 hours.  She asked if I would be willing to fly with Granny back to Grand Junction the next morning.

This was certainly not what I thought I would be doing the next day before the phone rang.  My initial reaction to the request was to think of all the things I had to do the next day, and how fulfilling this request really wasn’t possible.  As a few seconds passed and I thought further, there really wasn’t anything that was so critical that it couldn’t be delegated or even wait a day until I got back.  My initial thoughts quickly dissipated and I began to see this request as an unexpected opportunity for an adventure.  I would always have routine work related things to do, but how often would I have the opportunity for a trip like this with my lively and spirited Granny?  I said, “Yes”.  I’m so glad I did!  Not only did we make a lot of memories, we had a great time.

Granny

Sometimes our initial reaction to a new request or opportunity is to quickly determine why it won’t work or why we “can’t” do it.  I think this type of reaction serves only as a factory to crank out lame excuses to keep us from venturing outside of our comfort zone.  How can we ever expect to have new and memorable experiences if we think no further than our initial reaction telling us why something can’t be done?

Start recognizing this initial reaction in you when you’re presented with a new adventure or opportunity, and begin to think in terms of “why not?” and say, “Yes!” to these opportunities as often as you can.  Not only will you have fun making memories and experiencing new adventures, you’ll have a more exciting and interesting life as well.

It’s Time to Give Up…  or Get Creative

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If you’re facing obstacles in the pursuit of a worthy goal, congratulations!  That’s normal.  What’s not normal is pushing through the obstacles with creative solutions.  Many people simply give up when obstacles occur and cease their pursuit, settling for what the way things have always been.

When we face obstacles, it feels like a fork in the road where we can make one of two choices:

  • Get creative and adjust our approach.
  • Return to the status quo.

If you’re pursuing a goal, it’s probably because you’re tired of the status quo.  Therefore this choice should be pretty easy.  It’s time to get creative.

So what are some things we can do to spark creativity, so that we can push through obstacles and challenges?  Here are 3 suggestions:

 

  1. Come up with 10 ideas to a problem every day. This comes from James Altucher on the Ask Altucher podcast, where he says coming up with 10 ideas a day will help you “flex your Idea Muscle” and cause you to become better at generating ideas becoming more creative.

 

  1. Ask for ideas from others. Don’t critique their ideas or say why they won’t work.  Rather use them as building blocks for new ideas that can lead to creative solutions.

 

  1. Read or listen to books, blogs, or podcast that talk about creativity or how people solved problems.

 

One more suggestion to become more creative in the face of obstacles is to remember why you’re in pursuit of your goal in the first place.  Think about what motivated you to get started, and specifically what you’ll give up if you do indeed give up on this pursuit!  Then ask yourself, “Am I fine with going back to the way things have always been?”  For me, the answer is always “No.  I wouldn’t be fine with that.”  This answer provides me with the direction and motivation I need to press on and move ahead.

 

No matter what you’re pursuing, the probability that you’ll face obstacles is high.  Be aware of the certainty of obstacles, when you begin your next goal.  Doing so will enable you to think creatively from the outset about how to will overcome these obstacles when they arrive.

 

 

 

Shut Up or Do Something

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It’s easy to complain, and most people don’t need much practice to get good at it.  Sometimes complaining to the appropriate people is the right thing to do, like when you receive a bad product or service or experience poor treatment from a merchant.  In these circumstances we should complain, but we should always do so respectfully with tact and the right motive.

However, I think we often complain:

  • About people or things that have always been the way they are.
  • About things we have no intention of changing.
  • To any listening ear that is willing to hear us complain.

What good does this do?  How does this benefit you? Complaining like this takes away your power to direct the course of your life and instead fosters a victim mentality.  Unless complaining sparks action, it serves only to ensure you get more of what you’ve always been getting.  It’s also draining to you and others around you of energy and optimism.  Worse yet, it signals to others that you’re not a person of action, but merely a chronic complainer.

Instead of just complaining, try taking action that will improve the situation you’re complaining about. Why allow yourself to be just another complaining voice? The next time you find yourself complaining for the wrong reasons, add the following closing statement to the end of your complaint:  “…and this is what I’m going to do to make it better…”  Then do it!

Try this for the next week and observe the results.  At the very least, you’ll most likely gain a great sense of accomplishment and an improved attitude.  You’ll also find yourself becoming a person of influence, impact, and action.

How Will it Affect Them

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Have you ever had something that you wanted to do that you knew would cause stress or anxiety to someone close to you?  What did you do?  How did you make a decision in light of the other person’s anxiety?

I was listening to a podcast this week where a married couple was talking about life stuff and sharing some recent examples from their own marriage.  One of the spouses was planning on getting a tattoo, while the other was really anxious and struggling with the decision, hoping their spouse would not go through with it.  The struggling spouse realized that it was not their decision to make and acknowledged that they had no right to tell their spouse not to get the tattoo.  The spouse getting the tattoo also agreed that it was their decision alone to make.

What struck me about the spouse getting the tattoo was how they didn’t seem have any concern for the anxiety or concerns of their partner.  There didn’t appear to be any consideration given to struggle and stress their other-half was having, and the message that was indirectly communicated multiple times was, “you’re just going to have to deal with it.”

I’m not saying that we need to make all of our decisions based on what other people think.  That would be ridiculous.  However, when we know in advance that our decisions will have a negative impact on those closest to us; I think it warrants some extra thought on our end, and certainly some honest discussion with each other.

Those closest to us are close for a reason.  They’re important to us. We like being around them.  We love them.

When faced with a decision that could negatively impact a loved one, be sure to spend the necessary amount of time communicating, which is both talking AND listening, so you know exactly where they’re coming from.  Based on the feedback you get, and the importance of what you’re considering, you’ll be able to make a decision that, although it may still cause the other person stress and anxiety, will communicate that you wanted and considered their point of view as part of your decision making process.

How to Get Unstuck

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Sometimes I get stuck.  Occasionally, I’ll have a goal I’m working toward, but then I find myself getting stalled out and not making minimal to zero progress for a few days or even weeks.  It’s frustrating! What I’ve discovered recently is that there is an actual force that keeps us from moving forward.  That force is called resistance.

Resistance is anything that distracts us and takes our mind and effort away from moving toward our goals.  Steven Pressfield field wrote a great book about resistance titled Do the Work.  I read this book last week and it was eye-opening to see the role resistance plays in my own life.  The biggest take-away from this book was to be aware of when resistance is blocking my efforts.  When I’m aware of the presence of resistance, I can recognize it for what it is and begin to take steps to push through.

Pushing through resistance is actually fun, as well as motivating, because when I do, it feels like I’m making real progress toward my goals.  The following are some ways you can push through resistance:

  • See the big picture.  Know where it is that you want your goals to take you and have a clear picture of what that looks like.
  • Know why you want to achieve your goal.  Are you frustrated by your current situation, or feel like you need to be doing something better suited to how you are geared?  Whatever the reason, be mindful of it.  Always know the why behind the goal.
  • Understand the cost of not taking action.  Know that nothing will change until you cause something to happen.  No action = no result!  Are you OK if nothing changes?
  • Determine what steps you can take today.  It doesn’t have to be a large step.  Even a small step in the right direction is still a step in the right direction.
  • Just do something!  Commit to taking action every day, whether you feel like it or not.
  • Be motivated by the progress.  After you’ve strung a few days of successful progress together, look back to see how far you’ve come.  Be motivated by the progress and commit that you will not break the chain of daily progress.  You are not required to do everything in a single day, just plan on doing something every day.

It’s now time to punch resistance in the face with clear vision and by taking action on a continual daily basis.  What are you waiting for?  All that separates you from your goal is a thin veil of resistance.  Start punching through today.

 

Have a Plan… but be Ready to Adjust

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I like having a plan.  Whether it’s for a project, an event, or for attaining goals for the year, a plan provides a course of action to get from where I am to where I want to go.  However, in my experience, I’ve realized that even the best plans often need to be adjusted not long after they’ve been started.

That often happens to me with projects at work and events and goals at home. A plan gets created and as soon as it gets started, some change or unexpected piece of information comes to light which causes an alteration to the plan.  It’s the nature of getting from Point A to Pont B in any endeavor.  Unexpected items come up and adjustments need to be made to the original plan in order to continue moving forward.

I used to get really frustrated when this occurred.  It wasn’t until after I realized that change and the unexpected were normal parts of executing a plan that I started becoming less frustrated when adjustment were needed.  Now, when the unexpected comes up, requiring a change to the original plan, it feels normal.  This perspective has allowed me to focus on what adjustment needs to be made rather than being stalled out because I’m too frustrated and focused on the fact that everything didn’t’ go according to plan.

What project, goal, or event do you have coming up that could benefit from a plan?  Whatever it is, create a plan that will take you from where you are to where you want to go, and get started, with the realization that you’ll need to make adjustments along the way.  Knowing this will keep you from getting flustered when plans change and also cause you to experience greater achievement and growth as a result.