thinking

Be Mindful of What You’re Causing

/ Scott / 1 Comment

When pursuing a goal, we usually know the desired outcome we seek.  We know exactly what we want to cause to happen and we take actions to make it so.  This is good.  It helps us intentionally progress toward our goals.  However, we can also unintentionally cause something to happen that we might not want, if we are not mindful of how or words or actions can effect others.

Earlier this week I found that my actions had produced a negative experience for my wife.  It was something that I neither wanted nor intended to bring about.  It made me wonder how many times a day I am unintentionally causing something to happen because I am not paying attention.  This experience reminded me of my word of the year:  mindful.

Being mindful is being aware of our actions and how they affect us and others.  It is also avoiding the temptation to go on auto-pilot during the day, but instead to actively engage and give thought to what we say and do, realizing that our actions can have an impact on others, whether we’re mindful of them or not.

None of us intentionally want our actions to yield a bad result.  I think it’s safe to say that we don’t want to unintentionally yield bad results either.  Let’s commit to being mindful, not only in the pursuit of our goals, but also in our interactions with those around us.  I think we’ll be pleased with the positive results that we’ll see.

Determine Where You Want to Go

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“If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there.”

~The Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland

I’ve found that statement to be true in my own life in years past.  Early on I didn’t have real, specific goals.  Sure, I had some like, earn money, have fun, and be happy, but those aren’t very concrete.  They’re much too vague to be useful and didn’t give me any direction with regard to how I would go about achieving them.

As a result, I found that I wasn’t really focused in my career pursuits and personal goals.  I lacked direction as to where I wanted to go and how I would go about getting there.  Life was ok, but I wasn’t intentionally going anywhere specific.  I would take jobs that came along instead of actively pursuing opportunities that helped move me closer to a destination or goal I had intentionally set. I felt like a leaf that had fallen in a creek and was being carried downstream in a gently tumbling current. Life was fine.  It wasn’t bumpy or turbulent, but it wasn’t great either.

It makes sense, right?  How can we know what path, opportunity, or direction is best for us if we don’t know where it is we want to go?

It wasn’t until I began spending time thinking about what direction I wanted to take my life that I started to get a sense of where I intentionally wanted to go.  It was exciting as I realized the unintentional path I was on would no longer do.

In January of 2011, as part of this thinking process, I began journaling.  It is a discipline I have stuck with ever since.  For me, journaling has been one of the most productive and rewarding undertakings of my life.  It is a great way to dive into your mind and engage yourself with questions like: “What do I want out of life?  What’s really important to me?  What am I good at?  What am I excited about? Where do I want to be next year at this time? How do I want my life to look now and in the future?  Where am I going?”  The questions you can ask yourself are endless, but they all start to bring clarity to your thinking when you put pencil or pen to paper and begin truthfully answering them.  Journaling helped me gain a clear picture of where I want to go, what I wanted out of life.  It has even helped me identify the steps needed to move me toward the new goals I have set for myself.

Have you ever been unsure of exactly where it is you want to go in life?  Do you feel that way now?  If so, I encourage you to give journaling a try.  It doesn’t have to be complicated.  You don’t need an agenda.  Rather just write your thoughts down as they come to your mind, and write down your reactions to them.  Don’t worry if your thoughts are jumping all over the pace.  Just follow the train of thought with your pencil and see where they lead.

Commit to journaling for 30 days, or set a goal of writing for 10 minutes 3 times a week for a month.  Cause something to happen by simply starting.  You will be amazed at the clarity and motivation you’ll gain.

What Are We Afraid Of?

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I had been putting off making a phone call that I needed to make for the last 2 weeks.  It wasn’t anything major.  I just needed to call someone up and ask a couple of “how to” questions.  I don’t really like talking on the phone, so I kept putting it off.  The problem was that doing so stalled progress on a specific goal I am currently pursuing.  I kept telling myself, “I’ll call tomorrow”, but tomorrow turned out to be several days.

Eventually I got fed up with myself, grabbed the phone, and made the call.  You know what?  The call went REALLY well!  Not only did I get my questions answered, I also met a nice person that I will work with in the future.  It turned out to be an enjoyable conversation.

When I hung up the phone I thought, “That wasn’t so bad.  Why didn’t I do that sooner?  What was I afraid of?”  Probably fear.  Probably also getting out of my comfort zone.  Whatever the reason, it cost me 2 weeks of potential progress toward my current goal.  I squandered the opportunity to cause something to happen during those 2 weeks in order to stay in my comfort zone.  How lame is that??!!  Nothing great ever occurs when we act (or don’t act) out of fear.

Moving forward, I’m going to be on the lookout for those the fears and thoughts that keep me from doing what needs to be done, and when I recognize them, I will combat them by taking the action I know I should take.  Have you ever experienced thoughts or fears that hold you back?  Are you experiencing them now?  If so, it’s time to stop letting fear and comfort run the show.  I invite you to join me in defeating them with intentional action.  Doing so will not only cause you to move ahead faster, you’ll also feel great as a result.

Help Someone Get What They Want

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“The entire world, with one tiny exception, is made up of other people.”

~John Maxwell

This is such a true statement.  If you’ve ever tried to cause something to happen that required the assistance of others, you’ve most assuredly run into this reality.

This quote reminds me that, while we all have my own unique goals, agendas, mindset and world view, so does everyone else on the planet.  I think it important for us to remember that to each person, their goals and agendas are the most important ones to them.  Any agenda I have, to them, is secondary to their own.   That makes sense right?  Most folks are concerned for other people, but their primary concern is for themselves.

This can be challenging when we need the assistance of others.  How do we get assistance from someone who has focus and priorities that are different from our own?    I think Zig Ziglar’s signature saying is a great guide:  “You can get everything you want if you just help enough other people get what they want.”  If we need help from someone who is busy with their own priorities, why don’t we offer to help them first?  Before seeking assistance from them, what if we first offered assistance to them?

I know, you’re thinking, “They’ll just take my help and not help me in return.”  It’s possible.  But I think we’d be surprised how often people are willing to help you when you first offered to help them.

Let’s look for opportunities to help others get what they want.  Not as a way of being manipulative in order to get our way, but as a way of conveying to others that we understand how important their goals and agendas are to them.

Pick Yourself

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Remember picking teams back in grade school gym class or on the playground?  All the best players got picked first and the least talented got picked last.  I remember the feeling, hoping to be picked and then feeling relieved when I was finally selected.

It’s not much different as adults.  We wait for a potential employer, a significant other, a business partner, or some other person or group, to give us their “seal of approval, by picking us to join their team.  Perhaps we feel being picked by them validates us, our talents, our ideas and goals, and maybe even our individual value.

Instead of waiting for others to pick you, why not pick yourself?  Why not realize the value, talent and ability that you possess and pick yourself to pursue the goals you’ve put forth for yourself, instead of waiting for someone else to do it?  Validate the skills, worth, and ability you have and take the first step toward your goals by picking yourself to be the one that gets things started.

Don’t wait for others to pick you?  Cause something to happen.  Decide today to pick yourself.

Let’s Get Disruptive

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What’s the first thing that pops into your head when you hear the word “Disruptive”?  I tend to think of a noisy child in a classroom (probably because I’ve had experience as this child in school) or of someone who is going against the established order or protocol of a community.  Usually, what comes to mind is someone who is disturbing several other people.  But have you ever thought of being disruptive as disturbing yourself?  More specifically, disrupting your thoughts, or engaging in disruptive thinking?  What is disruptive thinking, and why should we even bet interested in it?  Let’s find out…

We all have established beliefs that influence how we view ourselves, others, and the world around us.  They form our ideals about how the world works according to “insert your name”.  These beliefs influence our decision making and self-talk, affect our attitude, and shape our outlook on life on a daily basis.  Being disruptive challenges our long held beliefs and causes us to ask ourselves questions like:

  • Is this belief still accurate, valid, or relevant today?
  • Is there a better way to do what I’m currently doing?
  • Is there evidence that supports or disproves this belief?
  • Are there other possibilities I should be exploring and considering?

In short, being disruptive is about challenging the status quo of our own thinking.  To me, this concept is extremely important, because if we want to change any aspect of our lives, it is going to require changing what we’ve been doing on a daily basis, which usually requires a change to our current thinking and how we view the world around us.  Changing our thinking will often cause us to be confronted with one or more of our strongly held beliefs.

So what does it look like to be disruptive in our thinking?  Here are a few examples of how a disruptive thought can challenge a long held belief in order to change your thinking:

Long held belief:  An artist might have always been told, “Artists don’t make money.  Being an artist and being an entrepreneur are mutually exclusive.”

Disruptive thought:  The artist could shake up that long held belief with the disruptive thought, “Why can’t artists run a successful business that showcases their art?   What if I were to … (insert disruptive thinking idea)?”

Long held belief:  A would-be business owner might have been taught to believe, “It costs too much money to start a business.  Doing so requires going tens of thousands of dollars, or more, into debt. “

Disruptive thought:  The budding entrepreneur could challenge that long held belief with the disruptive thought, “Who says I have to go into debt to start a business?  Why can’t I leverage my skills, talents, and experience and technology to start an on-line business for less than $1,000?  I’ve got valuable skills the marketplace needs and would willingly pay for”

Long held belief:  A young person in high school may have been taught to believe that, “The only way you can be guaranteed a bright future is by getting stellar grades in high school, scoring high on the SAT, and graduating from a top tier college.”

Disruptive thought:  What if this student were to challenge that long held belief with the disruptive thoughts, “Why do I have to go to college for 4+ years, and spend all that money on tuition to be successful?  What if instead I gained some experience in my chosen field now and started learning from people who are currently doing what I want to do?  Is a degree really required for what I want to do?  Could those 4 years at college be better spent gaining real experience to help me become successful?  Is there another path to success that I haven’t considering yet?”

Are you getting the idea of what disruptive thinking looks like?  Can you see how it can challenge your current way of thinking and cause you to consider other possibilities that you may not have been able to consider before, due to the interference of a long held belief?

I’m not saying that we should abandon all our long held beliefs, but we should be willing to examine them and determine if any could be keeping us from achieving better results in our lives.  As mentioned before, if you want to cause something to happen that is different from what you’ve been doing, a new way of thinking will most likely be required.  Be mindful about disrupting your thinking on a regular cadence to see if you have any long held beliefs that are acting as logjams to the advancement of your goals.  The faster track to your success might just be a disruptive thought away!