living well

What’s Needed to Avoid Being Reactive

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Have you ever had those days, weeks, months, or even years, where so much is going on in your life that you feel like you’re just reacting to everything as it happens?    You know how it goes.  Something comes up, it commands your attention so you work on it until the next urgent thing comes up, at which point you stop working on what you were previously working on and focus on this new task, without any sort of plan or method to prioritizing or completing it.  Whew!  It’s draining just thinking about it!  Perhaps you feel like that at home, at work, or at school.  (Maybe you feel like that in all 3 places!)

Regardless where it happens, this cycle of reacting to the last task that comes in places our focus on other people’s agenda and causes our days to be filled focusing on someone else’s priorities.

I’ve been experiencing this during the last few weeks at work and have been thinking about the causes and solutions to avoid staying in this crazy cycle.  In my case it seems that the reason for getting in this cycle is not primarily due to an increase in workload or requests, but rather my lack of prioritizing or having systems in place to handle this workload.

It’s easy to handle a couple of tasks without a system or prioritization process.  Anyone can do that.  It’s when the volume of requests starts to climb that we need the structure of good systems and direction of clear priorities.  Systems tell us how requests will be handled, and priorities tell us what we should be spending our time on.  Without systems and priorities, we lack the necessary tools to help us navigate and process our requests.  How can we expect to cause something to happen if we lack the tools to do so?

Are you feeling overwhelmed at work, school, or home with multiple requests and tasks?  What areas of your life would benefit from having systems and priorities in place to guide you?  Once you identify these areas, spend some time developing the systems and priorities necessary to help you become more effective.  If you need assistance in this area, I recommend reading Work the System by Sam Carpenter and Getting Things Done by David Allen.  Both of these books are excellent and provide great ideas that you can implement immediately.

Even if you’re currently busy and overwhelmed by requests and tasks, take some time to develop the systems you need to handle them. It will be an investment in your productivity and well-being.

You don’t have to be 9 Feet Tall to be a Giant

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There has been a lot spoken about the life of Nelson Mandela in the weeks following his death.  His legacy is being compared with the likes of Gandhi and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.  One thing is certain; on the world stage, Nelson Mandela was big.

I was familiar with his imprisonment and how he forgave his captors as well as him being the first black president of South Africa.  What I didn’t fully understand about this great man was the degree to which he was loved by the people of South Africa.  He was held in high regard by them and often referred to as “the father of the nation”.  In the hearts of the South African people, and people around the world, he wasn’t just big, he was a giant.

Wouldn’t you like to be a giant like that?  I would!  What a great legacy it would be to have had such a positive impact and influence on so many people around the world.  Nelson Mandela was a unique figure in history.  People such as him don’t come along very often.  There are few people that have, or will, leave a similar mark on the world stage.

But don’t lose heard, because there’s good news!  Every one of us has the capacity to be a giant.  We can be giants in our families, our communities, and our circles of influence.

So how do we go about being giants?  What does being a giant in our circles of influence look like?  Here are some actions you can take toward becoming a giant to those around you:

  1. Love those around you and those closest to you.  Don’t just say you love them; show them with your actions and how you live your life.  If you’re not sure what love in action looks like, check out 1 Corinthians 13.
  2. Be a “value add” in the lives of people.  Encourage others.  Listen to them.  Help them out when you can.  Forgive them when it’s needed, or seek forgiveness when it’s needed.
  3. Be present.  When you’re with someone close to you, let your actions show how important they are to you.  Turn the cell phone off and focus on the interaction with them.  Remove distractions and pay attention to what they’re saying.  Ask questions.  It’s a big deal when someone you care about decides to spend some of their time with you.  Their time, like yours, is valuable.  Honor them by being present.

Wouldn’t we all like to know that we were a significant part of the lives of those closest to us, and that we made a difference to them?  We’re all capable of being giants to those around us.  We need only chose to do so and follow that decision up with consistent action that shows those around us that we value them.

Start becoming a giant today.  You’ll feel great from the positive impacts this will have on your relationships, and others will be blessed by having a giant in their lives.

Glacier-like Persistence

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I love glaciers.  Living in the Pacific Northwest, I have several opportunities to see them throughout the year.  They’re remarkable objects of nature that come in all sorts of sizes and make up some of the most beautiful, striking, and unique landscapes on the planet.  Still, the characteristic of glaciers that I admire most is their persistence.

Glaciers aren’t the fastest moving things in the world.  In reality, they quite slow.  Even so, a glacier’s movement can forever change the landscape it travels crosses.  A huge valley can be left in a glacier’s wake.  Enormous alpine landscapes are reshaped as a glacier makes its slow decent down a mountain’s face.  The results don’t happen quickly, but the evidence of their steady, persistent progress can be staggering.

Have you ever thought of yourself as a glacier?  No, I’m not asking if you move at speeds that would make a tortoise look like Formula 1 race car, but rather have you ever thought of yourself as a powerful force, which is persistent in applying continued effort in the direction of a long term dream or goal?  Our dreams are usually not achieved in a minute, an hour, or a day, (If they are, then we need to dream bigger!)  Their achievement is usually the result of daily effort applied over a long period of time.  If you observe the results of only a few days spent perusing a long-term goal, you’re likely to be left unimpressed and under whelmed.  If, on the other hand, you look at several weeks, months, or even years of consistent daily effort, you’ll likely to see significant results.  That’s the power of glacier-like persistence, and it’s available to each of us.  We only need be willing to apply it.

What areas in your life could uses some glacier-like persistence?  Is there a habit you’d like to start or stop doing?  Perhaps there’s a lifestyle change you’d like to make.  Determine today what that is for you and commit to making small incremental progress every day.  And not just when it’s convenient, or only when you feel like it, or until you’re tired.  No, instead choose to move ahead with long-term glacier-like persistence, knowing that one day you’ll be able to stand back on look at all that you were able to accomplish.

Pay Someone

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It seems like we’re always paying people.  Perhaps it’s the grocery store for our recent purchase, or maybe it’s the waiter or waitress at the restaurant.  We pay the utility company, the bank, the cellphone company and many other people and organizations as part of going about our daily lives.  Regardless of that, I’m going to suggest that you cause something truly beneficial to happen this week by finding additional people to pay.

I can already hear the response, “The only thing finding more people to pay is going to cause is me going broke!”  Don’t worry.  I’m not suggesting you find new creditors to send monthly payments to.  Far from it!  In fact, I’m not even suggesting there be a monetary exchange at all.  What I am suggesting is that you find people to whom you can pay a genuine compliment.

Most people enjoy receiving a sincere compliment.   I know I do!  So why not leverage our capacity to brighten someone elses’s day with a sincere compliment by looking for opportunities to do so?

We can all think of someone we know who has done a good job for us, or whose work we admire.  Perhaps it’s someone with a remarkable skill or attitude.  It can be a colleague we work with, someone whose services we use, or even a friend, family member, or a total stranger we witness doing something good.

I had a chance to do this with my veterinarian this week.  He recently was successful in treating our cat for a condition she had been suffering from for quite some time.  His logical, methodical approach impressed me as much as the immediate results we that saw in our cat.  So when we ran into him at the store this week, I told him.  I told him how impressed I was with his methodical approach and how much I appreciated the results of his efforts.  After I paid him this compliment, he was all smiles.  Now I’m not saying that my compliment was the highlight of his day, but based on his response, I could tell that he really appreciated hearing it.

Be on the lookout in the days ahead, and every day for that matter, for people to whom you can pay a genuine compliment.  When you find them, be generous with the currency of your kind words.  Let them know specifically what they’ve done, or what they do, that sparked your compliment.  Also let them know what that means to you.  Not only will it cause them to feel good to be paid a sincere compliment, it will also make you feel good to share some kind words with someone else.

The Positive and Negative Sides of “I Don’t Know”

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“I don’t know.”  Sometimes it’s true.  Sometimes we truly don’t know the answer to a question that’s posed to us, or to a decision we need to make.  In either case, I love this answer when it is coupled with a plan of action or next steps to get the information needed in order to answer the question or make the decision.  In this scenario, “I don’t know” shows a confidence in ourselves, knowing that we don’t need to have all the answers.  It shows that we are willing to investigate and learn in order to increase our understanding.  It implies humility, self-assurance, and a willingness to be taught.  I love that!

As much as I love a genuine “I don’t know”, at other times, it can also be an extremely frustrating answer.  Specifically in response to a question that is asked in order to gain a person’s thoughts, opinions, or ideas.  “I don’t know” can often be used to hide behind when we want to avoid having to think or come up with a thought or idea.  For some, this response is almost automatic.  Before their brains have even begun to grapple with the question, their mouths have shut down the thought process completely with a simple “I don’t know”.

For me, when I initially get this response I gently encourage people to give some thought to the question and consider another answer.  Usually it’s as easy as saying, “No, really.  What do you think?”  Often, this is all people need to know that you really are interested in what they have to say, and will cause them to open up and share a well thought answer or opinion.  For others, their “I don’t know” stands.  When this is the case, I politely, but quickly, either change the topic or end the conversation.

Cause something to happen in your own communication starting today by trying the following:

  • Be quick to say “I don’t know” when it truly applies, and be open to gaining the knowledge or understanding needed.
  • If you ask someone a question and they come back with a quick “Oh, I don’t know”, press a little by asking them “No, really.  What do you think?”
  • When you’re asked for your opinion, thoughts or input, engage your mind and exercise your ability to think and reply thoughtfully versus giving a knee-jerk reaction of “I don’t know”, simply to avoid having to think.

Be mindful of these suggestions during your conversations in the days ahead.  By doing so, you’ll be making an effort to better engage the people you’re communicating with.  Who knows, you might even be putting yourself in a position be an influence in someone else’s life.

It Doesn’t Define You

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None of us enjoy when we inadvertently make ourselves look foolish.  Unfortunately, sometimes, it just happens.  When it does it makes us feel awkward and embarrassed ashamed.  For me, this usually occurs while asking a question, making a statement, or presenting something I believe to be fact that turns out not to be the case.  All of a sudden I realize how foolish the last thing I just said or did was and begin thinking, “Everyone here must think I’m’ a total idiot!”  This actually just happened to me earlier this week.

The truth is that this happens to all of us at one time or another.  It’s the risk we take when putting ourselves out there to interact and share our thoughts, ideas, and lives with other people.  When this occurs, it is imperative that we be mindful not to let the experience cause us to shrink back from being fully engaged in life.  Usually we want to pull back to avoid the risk of looking foolish again in the future.    That is the last things we should do!  As much as we may feel like disengage, it’s important not to let a single moment define us or negatively shape our behaviors moving forward.

I believe there are some more constructive things we can do, such as:

  • Realize that one embarrassing moment does not define you or diminish your value as a person.
  • Tell someone close to you that you trust and feel save with about your experience.
  • Look at the situation through the lens of humor.  Was it funny?  If so, give yourself permission to laugh at the situation; and at yourself.

If you really want to cause something to happen that will benefit others, try the following when an embarrassing moment happens to someone you know:

  •  Empathize with them.  Tell them you understand exactly how they feel.
  • Tell them about a time when you embarrassed yourself, or made yourself look foolish in front of other.  As you’re recounting the event, freely laugh at yourself, and let them know it’s ok for them to laugh along with you.
  • Here’s the best thing you can do for them:  Tell them you still think they’re great.  Let them know the event doesn’t define them in your eyes, or diminish their value to you by telling them:  “I still think you’re pretty great, special, cool, fantastic…” you get the idea.

Let’s not let one embarrassing moment keep us from being fully engaged in life.  We all have too much of ourselves to offer the world to keep it hidden away, for fear of looking foolish.

As long as we want to be engaged in life, we’re all going to experience moments where we may look foolish or not present our best selves.  It’s going to happen.

The only way to avoid it is by never sharing your thoughts or ideas with others, and that’s no way to live.  Instead, just remember that when it does occur, go easy on yourself.  The moment does not define you, and it will pass sooner than you realize.  And don’t forget to encourage others not to be too hard on themselves either.  They’ll appreciate your kind words and be encouraged by your example.

We Don’t All Think Alike

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I’m always interested in learning how to be a better communicator.  The ability to express an idea to a group or just carry on a conversation with someone is a great life skill to possess, and something that can be practiced daily.  In my pursuit to improve my communication skills, the following realization has confronted me many times.  It’s the truth that not everybody thinks about things or sees the world, the same way I do.

How obvious, right? Everybody knows that!  Although that may be the case, what’s interesting is how often I can forget this truth when talking with someone who has a different perspective.  When I do forget, I hear my own voice inside my head saying things like:

  • “Why don’t they agree what I’m talking about?”
  • “Why is this person being difficult?”
  • “Do they even know what they’re talking about?”

What I’ve come to learn is that those are the wrong questions to be asking.  Those questions devalue the other person’s thoughts, perspective and experience and say more about my on naive assumption that this person should be thinking just like me.

If my goal is to improve my communication skills, the questions I should be asking myself instead are:

  • “What background, area of expertise, or perspective are they approaching this situation from?”
  • “What do they know that I don’t?”
  • “What am I missing?”

These questions assume that the other person or persons bring some knowledge, experience, or belief about the topic that is shaping their thinking.  The fun part of a conversation, for me, is to determine what that experience, knowledge or belief is.

By asking myself these questions, it puts me in a place to be open to new thoughts by realizing that, although our thoughts may be different, there is a high probability that I can learn something from this person, even if it’s just learning about their perspective.

Pay attention to the conversations you have in the weeks ahead and be on the lookout for your own internal thoughts that stem from a difference in thinking.  Instead of getting frustrated by these differences, cause something to happen in your own mind by considering their thinking try to determine why they think that way.  You might just gain a new perspective and learn something in the process.

 

They’re Automatic

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They’re unproductive, they come out of nowhere, and there seems to be an endless supply of them.  And, if you’re not careful, they’ll move in, get comfortable, and be your constant companion.

I’m talking about the negative thoughts that crop up in our minds.  They can be rather insidious, showing up with little notice and focusing our attention away from the good and productive things in life.  It’s scary to me how negative thoughts automatically appear.  All we have to do is let our guard down and they show up and begin to take root.  It underscores the importance of being constantly aware of the thoughts we’re thinking.

The best thing we can do to keep our thoughts in check is to be mindful of what we’re thinking throughout the day.  When we become aware of a negative thought we’re having, we need to cause something to happen and stop the thought and not give it another moment of our attention.  Some helpful ways I’ve found for flushing out a negative thought is to:

  • Replace it with a positive one
  • Say out loud, “I will not think like this!”
  • Pray

I’ve had plenty of experience using all 3 methods.

The longer we allow negative thoughts free reign in our minds, the longer we allow our minds to be poisoned by them.  What’s so dangerous about letting negative thoughts run free is that they will ultimately affect our thinking, which will affect our attitude, outlook and behavior.  Our minds are too valuable to let the decay of negative thought take hold.  Are minds should be guarded like the valuable treasures that they are.

Here’s a challenge for the next 7 days:  Pay attention to the thoughts you’re thinking and instantly squash any that are negative or self-defeating.  After the 7 days are up, continue for another 7 days.  Repeat this process so long as you have a pulse.

Take the challenge offered above and begin uprooting negative thoughts from your mind.  By removing negative thoughts, you’ll be setting the stage to for your mind to flourishing with productive thoughts; thoughts that can change your life for the better.

Know Thy Self

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Pop quiz!  Ready?  The question is, “What is the best use of a hammer?”

Let me guess, you probably said something like, “driving nails” or “pounding stuff”.  In fact, I’ll bet the answer sprang up immediately in your mind as soon as you finished reading the question.  Why is that?  It’s because everyone knows what a hammer is designed for and what jobs it does best.

Here’s another question:  Do you know with absolute certainty what you’ve been created to do better than anyone else? I’m not simply asking what you’re good at, but rather, do you know how you are uniquely skilled and gifted so that you can focus your skills on activities that yield your greatest contribution?

I think that each person has a set of talents and skills that are unique to them.  These skills and talents may not seem like a big deal to the person who possesses them.  That’s because they can execute them with ease, almost effortlessly, and do them better than a large majority of people on the planet.  I also think that people are at their best when they are using their unique talents and skills in pursuit of something they feel passionate about.

Are you currently aware of your unique talents and skills?  Do you know what types of activities excite you to want to use your unique skills?  Are you frequently using your unique skills in these activities?

If you answered “Yes” to these questions, congratulations!  If not, here are a couple of things you can do to gain an understanding of your unique skills:

  • Spend some time taking an inventory of all the skills you possess.  If you need some help, I’d recommend reading Unique Ability by authors Catherine Nomura, Julia Waller, and Shannon Waller.  I’m just finishing it and I’ve found this book to be an excellent resource in this area.
  • Determine what moves you, what stirs passion inside you.  Again, Unique Ability is a great resource.
  • List activities you can you engage in that would be a great marriage of your talents and passion.
  • Cause something to happen by engaging your talents and passion in the aforementioned activity.

Much like a hammer, we’re at our best when we’re doing what we were created to do.  As a result, each of us should know exactly what our unique skills are.  Just as assuredly as we know what a hammer is best used for.

Begin taking steps today to identify and utilize your unique skills and talents in an activity that stirs you.  Not only will you feel great doing so, you’ll also be serving others in a way that only you are uniquely gifted to do.

Sample a New Surrounding

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I just returned from my first trip to New York City.  WOW!  What a great city!   There was so much to see and experience.  Although we were there for a whole week, we still didn’t have time to do everything on our list.  Regardless, I had a fantastic time and made some great memories.

What I enjoyed most about this trip was showing up as a New York newbie and being able to quickly adapt to life in the city and move about with confidence.  It was fun to experience that transformation.  Prior to this trip, I had no experience in a city of this size, other than what I had heard from the experience of others.  However, within a couple of days of putting myself in the middle of the action, I gained valuable experience on navigating the city and became very comfortable in my new surroundings.  It’s interesting how New York City was a big mystery to me when I first arrived, but after a day it felt very familiar, exciting and exhilarating.

Going to a new place like this can be intimidating.  Fear of the unknown can easily cripple the enthusiasm to travel to new places, or even to try new things and live a life that is full and made interesting by continually stretching and growing.  Yielding to our fear and comfort zone is easy, but it comes with a high price of limited life experience and regret.

This trip also reminded me that we can also gain experience and confidence in other areas of our lives by putting ourselves out there and causing something to happen that is new to us, which has great potential to boost our confidence, as well as our knowledge of the world around us.  It’s simply a matter of getting comfortable stretching your comfort zone.

What areas would you like (or need) to stretch your comfort zone?  Is there a skill you’d like to learn or a class you’d like to take?  Get started today!  Is there a place you’ve always wanted to visit?  Begin making plans to go.  And once you’ve made your plans, put them into action!  Don’t let the fear of the unknown, or the boundaries of your comfort zone keep you from the exciting new experiences and confidence that awaits.

It’s your life, and it’s calling.  How will you answer?