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How to Get Out of Prison

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Would you ever volunteer to spend several years of your life in prison?  Think about that.  Would you voluntarily decide to sacrifice, say, 10 or more years of your current life for that of a prison inmate?  My answer to that question is, “Are you kidding me?!  Who in their right mind would do something as stupid as that?!”  However, I think that every day, many people voluntarily send themselves to a prison of frustration, despair and under achievement.  And it’s not a judge, jury, or court that sentences people to this prison.  What sends most people to the prison I describe is the conviction of their own thinking.

Just this week, I was talking with someone who was telling me how bad everything in their life was going.  During our conversation, they unknowingly gave me glimpses into their thinking through the language they chose to describe their situation.  It was negative and self-defeating and stripped them of any ability to change their current situation.  Their thinking had made them hopeless, and the more hopeless they became, the further their thinking deteriorated.

I left that conversation frustrated, because I knew that, although their situation was challenging, it wasn’t as insurmountable as their thinking made it out to be.  With some minor changes to their thinking, they could easily attain a more hopeful outlook, and even restore a degree of joy about life again.  Instead, they chose to extend the sentence they have placed on themselves by the thinking they continued to employ.

When the conversation was over, I felt like I had just left a prison after visiting an incarcerated inmate.  It was a heavy feeling, knowing that they could begin to free themselves from their self-imposed sentence by simply changing their thinking, but realizing that that wasn’t a choice they were going to make.

Is there any area in your life where you’ve sentenced yourself through the court of your own thinking?  What negative thoughts about people, situations, or circumstances are affecting you outlook in a negative way?  Give some thought to these questions this week.  When you discover an area where your thinking is imprisoning you, cause something to happen by determining alternative ways of thinking about the situation that improves your outlook and restores hope and confidence in the future.  (If you need a source to help you change your thinking for the better, I’d recommend reading the book of Proverbs.  It is filled with great wisdom and principles that will have a profound impact on your thinking.)

Don’t spend another day in a prison of your own negative thinking.  Decide today to improve your thinking and set yourself free.

A Great Place for Having Ideas

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One thing I really like about ideas is how they seem to come out of nowhere.  Think about it, one second your mind is empty, and the very next second, it produces this great new idea that was not in your possession the second before.  I’m amazed and marvel at the brain’s capacity to function like this.

I’m also amazed at the brain’s capacity to quickly forget a great idea.  I’ve often had a great thought and said to myself, “I’ll remember that later and … (insert whatever task I’d do with the idea).”  It makes sense at the time.  The idea is so clear and vivid at that moment, it seems extremely unlikely that I’ll forget what it is.  However, when “later” comes and I attempt to recall the idea, it’s gone.  How can I cause something to happen with a new idea I can’t even remember?  That’s so frustrating!

Earlier this week I was listening to Dave Ramsey’s EntreLeadership podcast with guest David Allen, productivity expert and author of Getting Things Done.  In the podcast he was talking about getting things out of your head an on paper or in a computer.  Somewhere, anywhere other than keeping them in your head, because if you’re trying to remember something you’re using up brain capacity that could otherwise be used for thinking, or focusing on the task you’re currently engaged in.

He made a comment that really resonated with me:  “Your head is for having ideas, not holding them.”

That makes so much sense to me, and has proven true when I’ve applied this principle in my own life.  When I want to recall a fact, event, book I want to buy or read, or any other such piece of information, I’m far more likely to remember it if I get it out of my head and into some other medium like a notepad, application, calendar, or piece of software.  Once I have it out of my head and somewhere else, where I can get to it again, my mind is freed up from thinking (or worrying) about it and can focus on other, more important things.

Hearing David Allen’s quote has caused me to be extra mindful about getting things out of my head in order to turn my mind loose on what it’s better suited for, such as thinking and generating ideas, rather than simply using it for lower level tasks that a sticky note or calendar can perform much better.

Pay attention this week to ideas, thoughts, or events you have that you need to get out of your head and captured somewhere else.  When ideas occur, capture them immediately and develop a system so you can go back and spend some time with them later.  I suspect you’ll be amazed at the treasure your mind regularly produces.

Expect to be Successful

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Earlier this week I was talking with a colleague who was telling me how they wanted to start riding their bike to work when the weather began getting nicer.  I was impressed with his declaration and told him that his plan sounded like a great idea.  After which he said, “Yeah, but I probably won’t actually do it.  I’ve already got my excuses lined up.”

His comment surprised me.  As I thought about it more, I wondered how often I’ve sabotaged my own efforts to get begin something by having a similar mindset.  If I’ve got a list of reasons or excuses why an endeavor will fail before I even start, how could I ever expect to be successful?  What’s the point of even trying?

It made me think of all the doubt and negative self-talk we can experience when undertaking a new endeavor (or just going through life) and how, just like my colleague’s comment, this kind of talk can sabotage our efforts, dash our initiative, and place a heavy lid on our potential.

Have you ever experienced this kind of action-stopping self-talk?  If so, here are some tools to help you combat this toxic way of thinking in the future:

  • Be mindful of your attitude, thinking, and the language you use.
  • When embarking on a new undertaking, see yourself being successful.  Tell yourself all the reasons why you will succeed.
  • When you think of potential barriers, think also of how you’ll overcome them.
  • Believe you can achieve the goal you’ve set out for yourself.  Not just an “I think I can” mentality, but rather know that you will be successful.  Remind yourself of this often.

We’ll never cause something to happen by holding a mindset that has “already lined up our excuses” for failure.  Remove that kind of thinking from your mind and replace it with thoughts of persevering, overcoming, and achieving your goals.

As many psychologists and speakers have said, we tend to move in the direction of our dominant thoughts.  Let’s all make sure our thoughts are taking us in a direction we want to go.

Cultivating Fallow Ground

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Every day I read the chapter of Proverbs from the Bible that corresponds to the day of the current month.  I do this because Proverbs is filled with such practical wisdom and guidance that I can apply in my life the same day I read it.  On February 13th this proverb struck me like it never has before:

“The follow ground of the poor would yield much food…”   ~ Proverbs 13:23 (ESB)

Fallow refers to something that is resting, inactive, or used.  As I read this Proverb, I though not about a fallow or inactive plot of land, but rather about how our thinking, talents, and abilities can also become fallow.  I also thought about how, if I changed my thinking or utilized my talents more, I could be producing greater riches in my life, and not simply from a monetary standpoint but from a productivity and fulfillment standpoint as well.

So why do we allow our thinking and talents to become fallow?  I think it comes down to 3 basic reasons:

  • Fear of rejection.
  • Fear of breaking out of our comfort zone.
  • We try to avoid the struggle and unpleasant feelings and experience that can come from stretching our thinking and offering our talents.

Fallow thinking holds us back, and keeps a lid on our potential and the contribution we can make to our careers, families, and communities.  If your thinking has gone fallow, even if only in a certain area of your life, be encouraged.  Just like a fallow plot of land only needs to be cultivated and tended to begin producing a rich harvest, our thinking and talents can also become productive by simply deciding to begin cultivating them.

Here are 3 steps you can take today to cause something to happen to cultivate your fallow thinking or talents:

  • Identify your talents and offer them in service to others, either paid or unpaid.
  • Change your thinking toward a positive bent.  Instead of initially focusing on the negative or allowing your thoughts to park on what is negative, be mindful of cultivating thoughts that are positive and action oriented.
  • Think of the simple things you need to do that day to move you in the direction you want to go, and then do them, no matter how small.  Do at least one small action per day.

Don’t let your mind or talents lay fallow a moment longer.  Put them to use today and set yourself up for a fruitful harvest in the future.

Are You Open to New Thoughts?

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Have you ever encountered a fact that aligns perfectly with something you strongly believe?  I have.  And when I do, I usually am left thinking how great the author of the particular thought is.  It’s a different story when we hear a fact that is completely contrary to, or pokes holes in, a strongly held belief or opinion we possess.  We are likely to reject the information as a weak argument or as being outright false.  Why is that?  Is it just human nature, or is there more to it than that?  The answer is… “Yes”.

It’s called “Confirmation Bias”, and we all suffer from it. Confirmation Bias means that we tend to believe facts and ideas that support our opinions, and discount or completely disregard any facts that do not.  It makes sense when you think about it.  When we hold a strong belief or opinion about something, we’re not going to be super-eager to accept someone else’s idea that is contrary to our own.  Instead, we look for things that support what we believe, because we don’t want to be considered wrong in a belief we hold.

The concern with Confirmation Bias is that if we’re not aware of it, our thinking can become narrow, thus limiting our potential for growth and understanding of new thoughts and ideas.  If we are totally resistant to hearing any new thought that is contrary to our own, our thinking becomes stagnant and we severely limit our existence to the small world of our never-expanding beliefs and opinions.

How can we cause something to happen in our lives so that Confirmation Bias does not restrict us to the pre-determined parameters of our current beliefs and opinions?   Here are some ideas:

  1. Be aware of the existence of this bias as you go through you daily life and begin to be mindful of when you may be reacting to it.
  2. Learn to become open to hearing and considering the “other side” of an argument.  This doesn’t mean that you have to jettison your current beliefs in favor of what the other person is saying.  But at least be open to hearing contradictory facts and beliefs and in order to make informed decisions about what you believe and why you believe it.  Who knows?  You may even be exposed to a new idea that supports further supports your current belief.
  3. Be curious and growth minded.  Become interested in the beliefs of others any specifically why they hold those beliefs.  You may not agree with their belief, or even the reason that they hold it.  However, you will come away with a greater understanding of the person and what motivates their currently held opinions.  This is a key step to productive and meaningful communication.  Not to mention, it’s just fun to do!

Start today to be aware of Confirmation Bias, and how it shapes our beliefs and the beliefs of those we interact with.  By doing so, you’ll be increasing your ability understand and relate to those around you on a deeper level.

Know What You’re Getting

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I was talking with a friend this week who was sharing his thoughts on the state of his chosen profession as a chemist.  He was obviously discouraged as he told me about the lack of appreciation, the challenges, and the perceived lack of respect for the profession.  He truly believed that there are no opportunities for chemists in today’s environment and how it would be a grave mistake for young people today to pursue a degree in this field.  He even told how he discouraged his son from choosing this major, although from my friends’ account, his son sounded quite gifted and interested in chemistry.

Afterward, I couldn’t help thinking about my friend’s conversation(s) with his son, giving him his opinion about the future of the field of chemistry.  I believe my friend was trying to help his son make a good choice, but I kept thinking how his opinion about chemistry would shape the life of his son as he chose another career, based on someone else’s opinion, rather than on his on likes and passions.

I’m sure we’ve all experienced something similar.  We receive an opinion from someone we know or trust, and we then make decisions based that opinion.  This can be especially true when the opinion comes from someone close to us.  It can be comforting to get someone’s take on a decision we’re facing.  However, I think it’s imperative that we are discerning enough to know what we’re getting from others and whether it is worth acting on.  More specifically, we should be able to determine if what we are getting is merely an opinion, or if it is real wisdom.  So what’s the difference?  I looked up the definitions of opinion and wisdom, and came up with the following:

Opinion:  A belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.

Wisdom:  Knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action.

As we know everyone has an opinion.  These opinions are based on the person’s experience, beliefs and thinking and are often presented as indisputable fact.    Wisdom, on the other hand, is based on timeless principles that are proven true time and again.  While opinions can be valuable, if I’m making a big decision, I want make that decision based on wisdom, rather than merely someone’s opinion.

We don’t want to give up what we’re gifted and passionate about because of someone else’s opinion.    Therefore, we need exercise discernment to know whether what we’re getting is an opinion or wisdom.  If it’s an opinion you’re getting, take it with a grain of salt and determine to make up your own mind on the matter.  However, if it’s wisdom you’re getting, perk your ears up, pay attention, and look for ways to apply the wisdom to your situation in order to cause something to happen in your life.

Begin paying attention to your conversations this week and in the future in order to more accurately assess whether you’re getting opinions or wisdom.  Not only will you’ll feel liberated by being able to tell the difference, you’ll also be better equipped to make wise decisions in your life.

 

 

 

Watch Your Language

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If I were to ask you, “What language are you using?” how would you respond?  I imagine most folks would say something like, “English” or “Spanish” or list some other language at which they are proficient.  I doubt many would respond with something like “negative”, “self-defeating”, or “discouraging”.  In fact, I doubt many people give much thought to what type of message their language is conveying beyond the words they speak.  The language we chose to use is powerful, and has a significant impact on our thinking and our outlook on life, as well as our influence on others.

Take a moment and think about the language you use.  Do you have favorite “go-to” phrases you often rely on in your conversations?  What language do you chose to use in describing the world around you?  Does your language consist of phrases like:

  • “That’s just not in the cards for me.”
  • “What’s the point?”
  • “Another day older and further in debt.”
  • “The little man just can’t get ahead.”

Consider the impact a diet of this type of language has your thinking, and on your outlook on life.  Regular use of this kind of negative language can become a vicious circle in your life.  It’s like this…

  • You use negative language that sends a discouraging message…
  • With continued use of this language, you start to believe the negative messages you’re sending…
  • As you begin believing the negative language you’re using, your thinking changes to incorporate these negative thoughts and beliefs…
  • You use even more negative language…

Where does it end?  Furthermore, what kind of people will this kind of language cause us to become?

What if we were to watch our language for the next week with the intent of making it more positive and encouraging?  What if we actually gave thought to the type of language we use and chose our words and phrases as carefully as we chose our next smart phone or automobile?  I’m certainly not saying we have to stop and spend several minutes contemplating everything before we say it.  What I am saying is that using positive (or negative) language is a habit, and we should be mindful enough to ensure that our language serves to improve our outlook and thinking as well as to lift up and encourage ourselves and those we interact with.  Ultimately, we want to build the habit of using positive language.

If you need some help watching your language, cause something to happen by focusing on the following:

  • Begin replacing negative phrases with ones that are more positive and uplifting.  For example, instead of saying, “I’ll never be able to do that.”  Say, “I don’t know how to do that… yet.”
  • Be mindful of the triggers that cause your language to be negative.  Maybe it’s events, locations, or certain people.  When you know you’ll be exposed to one of these triggers, decide in advance that you’ll use language that is positive.  Maybe it’s even time to remove some of these triggers from your life.
  • Remove words from your vocabulary that have a negative connotation and consider reducing or eliminating profanity in your communication.

If you’ve been in the habit of using negative language, and you seek to use more positive language, realize that the change won’t occur overnight.  It will require continuous effort, but don’t let that stop you.  Stick with it!  For as you begin to watch your language, and consciously choose to make it more positive and uplifting, note the change that is also occurring in your thinking and your outlook on life.  Changing our language for the better will change our thinking for the better as well.  And changing our thinking is the beginning of great things.

To begin, we need only to watch our language.

A Routine Tune Up

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I think routines we perform intentionally can be good things.  I mean really, who’s going to argue against the routine of saving and investing a portion of your earnings, or of exercising on a regular basis?  We intentionally establish and, almost automatically, execute these routines because we’re expecting a positive result from doing so.  However, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t occasionally hold our routines up to examination.

It is important to regularly review our routines to make sure that they are still yielding the results we expect, otherwise, why should we continue following them?  For example, take exercising or going to the gym.  Sure, you may be working out several days a week, but are you still seeing the results you were striving for when you first began the routine?  You are repeatedly investing your time in the routine, right?  Are you getting the return you expect from the time you’ve invested?

Just because a routine is done for the right reason doesn’t mean that it is exempt from the need for review and scrutiny to see if changes need to be made.  Continuing to use the example of exercising, perhaps that routine needs to incorporate some new exercises or maybe some additional knowledge or perspective is needed from a coach, trainer, or book.  If we’re going to invest the time and effort into following a routine, shouldn’t we strive to get the best results possible?

Changing an established routine can be difficult when the routine has become comfortable and familiar.  The awkwardness of changing can cause us to revert back to the familiarity of our unproductive old routines. (I’m currently experiencing this struggle as I’m changing up my exercise routine and confronting the awkwardness and discomfort that goes with trying something new.)

What about you?  Are there currently some good routines in your life that could use a tune up?  Are you in a routine where you’re trying to cause something to happen, but not getting the results you want?  If so, here’s a simple process that might be helpful:

  1. Examine what parts of your routine require a tune up.
  2. Determine the specific changes needed that would improve your routine to the point you will achieve the results you desire.
  3. APPLY THOSE CHANGES TODAY!

As you face the awkwardness of changing up a familiar routine, keep the following 2 thoughts in mind to avoid slipping back into your old routine:

  1. Keep a clear picture of your end goal in mind.  What’s the reason behind the change you’re making?
  2. Remind yourself that if you’re going to maintain a good routine, you should expect to get the greatest return for the investment of your time.

But don’t stop there!  Continue to evaluate your routines on an ongoing basis to ensure you’re getting the return you expect.  As you make improvements to your routines, be on the lookout for the benefits and positive results that will follow.  They won’t be hard to find.

What’s Needed to Avoid Being Reactive

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Have you ever had those days, weeks, months, or even years, where so much is going on in your life that you feel like you’re just reacting to everything as it happens?    You know how it goes.  Something comes up, it commands your attention so you work on it until the next urgent thing comes up, at which point you stop working on what you were previously working on and focus on this new task, without any sort of plan or method to prioritizing or completing it.  Whew!  It’s draining just thinking about it!  Perhaps you feel like that at home, at work, or at school.  (Maybe you feel like that in all 3 places!)

Regardless where it happens, this cycle of reacting to the last task that comes in places our focus on other people’s agenda and causes our days to be filled focusing on someone else’s priorities.

I’ve been experiencing this during the last few weeks at work and have been thinking about the causes and solutions to avoid staying in this crazy cycle.  In my case it seems that the reason for getting in this cycle is not primarily due to an increase in workload or requests, but rather my lack of prioritizing or having systems in place to handle this workload.

It’s easy to handle a couple of tasks without a system or prioritization process.  Anyone can do that.  It’s when the volume of requests starts to climb that we need the structure of good systems and direction of clear priorities.  Systems tell us how requests will be handled, and priorities tell us what we should be spending our time on.  Without systems and priorities, we lack the necessary tools to help us navigate and process our requests.  How can we expect to cause something to happen if we lack the tools to do so?

Are you feeling overwhelmed at work, school, or home with multiple requests and tasks?  What areas of your life would benefit from having systems and priorities in place to guide you?  Once you identify these areas, spend some time developing the systems and priorities necessary to help you become more effective.  If you need assistance in this area, I recommend reading Work the System by Sam Carpenter and Getting Things Done by David Allen.  Both of these books are excellent and provide great ideas that you can implement immediately.

Even if you’re currently busy and overwhelmed by requests and tasks, take some time to develop the systems you need to handle them. It will be an investment in your productivity and well-being.

We Don’t All Think Alike

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I’m always interested in learning how to be a better communicator.  The ability to express an idea to a group or just carry on a conversation with someone is a great life skill to possess, and something that can be practiced daily.  In my pursuit to improve my communication skills, the following realization has confronted me many times.  It’s the truth that not everybody thinks about things or sees the world, the same way I do.

How obvious, right? Everybody knows that!  Although that may be the case, what’s interesting is how often I can forget this truth when talking with someone who has a different perspective.  When I do forget, I hear my own voice inside my head saying things like:

  • “Why don’t they agree what I’m talking about?”
  • “Why is this person being difficult?”
  • “Do they even know what they’re talking about?”

What I’ve come to learn is that those are the wrong questions to be asking.  Those questions devalue the other person’s thoughts, perspective and experience and say more about my on naive assumption that this person should be thinking just like me.

If my goal is to improve my communication skills, the questions I should be asking myself instead are:

  • “What background, area of expertise, or perspective are they approaching this situation from?”
  • “What do they know that I don’t?”
  • “What am I missing?”

These questions assume that the other person or persons bring some knowledge, experience, or belief about the topic that is shaping their thinking.  The fun part of a conversation, for me, is to determine what that experience, knowledge or belief is.

By asking myself these questions, it puts me in a place to be open to new thoughts by realizing that, although our thoughts may be different, there is a high probability that I can learn something from this person, even if it’s just learning about their perspective.

Pay attention to the conversations you have in the weeks ahead and be on the lookout for your own internal thoughts that stem from a difference in thinking.  Instead of getting frustrated by these differences, cause something to happen in your own mind by considering their thinking try to determine why they think that way.  You might just gain a new perspective and learn something in the process.