leadership

I Love It… But Not Always

/ Scott / Leave a comment

“I don’t know.”

I both love and despise this response as an answer to questions.

I love this answer for its honesty.  When someone is asked a question that they do not have the knowledge to answer, this is a superb response, versus simply making something up or faking it in an effort to look bad in front of others.  In this scenario, “I don’t know” shows humility as well as the ability to be comfortable with the fact that you don’t have all the answers.  It also shows a willingness to receive input and ideas from others who have more knowledge in an area that you do.  It also shows that you’re teachable and eager to grow.

I despise “I don’t know” when it’s quickly thrown out as a default response simply because someone doesn’t want to expend the effort to give thought to a questions they have been asked.  Using “I don’t know” as the go to response is a great way to kill a conversation.  Imagine you’re having a conversation with someone you just met and, an effort to get to know them you ask them what they like to do if they had a free day to themselves.  If they immediately respond with, “I don’t know”, and that it, where do you go from there?  These 3 simple words can quickly slam shut the door of conversation.

Here’s the worst part about the default response of, “I don’t know.  When someone asks for our thoughts or opinion about a topic as input for a decision and we respond with “I don’t know”, we are willingly handing over our ability to make or influence a decision to other people.  For me, the thought of willingly allowing other people to always think and make decisions for me is not appealing.  As such, when asked for my opinion or input, I always want to at least have a thought that I can respond with, whether complete or not yet formed.  This keeps me active in the decision making process, versus allowing other people to do my thinking for me.

Like most things in life, responding with “I don’t know” requires discernment.   There are times when this is the right answer, and other times when this response is best avoided.  One way to help discern your use of this response is to ask yourself, “Am I replying with ‘I don’t know’ because I don’t want to think, or am I responding with it because I honestly don’t know?”

If your answer to this question is the latter, then congratulations!  You’re putting yourself on the path to increase your understanding of the topic.  If however, your answer to this question is the former, consider a different response.

Choosing the Right Path

/ Scott / Leave a comment

Back in school, I wasn’t the best test taker.  I usually didn’t prepare very well and my technique when I got stuck, which was often, amounted to little more than closing my eyes and selecting whichever answer my pencil landed on.  Fortunately, my studying and test taking habits have gotten much better.

Earlier this week I was taking an exam for work.  I had prepared well and was ready to take the test.  However, about half way into the exam I got stuck on a couple of questions and also noticed that I might be a little behind, based on time and questions remaining.  For a moment, I could sense the beginnings of feeling frazzled.  (I’m very familiar with what this feels like, as it was a regular occurrence in school.)

Suddenly all these non-productive thoughts started to flood my mind:

  • “You’re not going to get the score you need to pass.”
  • “You’re going to have to retake this test.”
  • “Think of all the time you’re going to have to spend re-studying!”
  • “You’re half-way through your allotted time and you still have half the questions left AND several you have to go back and review. You’ll never make it!”
  • “You don’t know this material as well as you thought. Perhaps you weren’t ready to take this exam.”

I felt like I had approached a very real fork in the road.  The path to the left is where I would decide that these thoughts had merit and as a result, I’d allow myself to get sloppy and lazy in how I approached the rest of the exam, knowing that failure was likely where I was heading.  The path to the right is where I would recognize my thoughts for what they were (a distraction and not a prophecy), push them to the side, and double down on doing my very best.

I chose the path to the right.  I also scored a 93%.  Well beyond what was needed to pass.

It’s amazing to me how my own negative thoughts felt like a physical force pushing against me, much like a headwind against a runner or cyclist.  The best way we can combat the negative force of our own thoughts is by replacing them with thoughts of determination and commitment to successfully complete what we’ve set out to do.  (If that feels challenging in the moment, starting with a prayer would be a good way to begin.)

When you face the headwind of your own negative thinking, realize that these thoughts are not prophetic, and you’re not required to agree with them.  Then, immediately challenge them with positive thoughts and actions that support those positive thoughts.

We can control our thoughts and ultimately use them to take us down the path we want to travel.

The Unknown

/ Scott / Leave a comment

What are the first thoughts that go through your mind when you hear the phrase, “The Unknown”?  Is it:

  • Fear
  • Anxiety
  • Scary
  • Confusing
  • A mystery
  • Something to be avoided

If we think of The Unknown as a destination, it represents somewhere we have never been, and therefore have never had any experience with.  I’d like to introduce the following thought regarding The Unknown:

“Just because you’ve never been somewhere doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go there.”

Think about that for a moment.  What if you never:

  • Traveled to a place you’ve never been before
  • Attempted to learn something new
  • Met people you didn’t already know
  • Undertook something you’ve never done before
  • Exposed yourself to different cultures and surroundings

What kind of impact do you think this would have on us?  What is the price we would pay in terms of the richness and quality of our lives if we always sought to avoid The Unknown?  Although I’m not exactly sure how you’d quantify that, I am certain the price would be quite high.

While The Unknown can be a scary place, and sometimes a place we didn’t choose to go, we shouldn’t be afraid of it simply because it is unknown to us.  For it can also be:

  • Exciting
  • Life changing in a positive way
  • Filled with opportunity
  • Full of adventure
  • Eagerly awaiting your arrival to bestow unimaginable joy and blessings
  • Where you’ll learn more about yourself than you every thought possible
  • An experience you’ll be able to encourage others with

The next time you’re feeling nervous or scared about venturing into The Unknown, seek out someone who has been where you haven’t been or has done what you haven’t done yet.  For them, our destination is not unknown.  Their experience can give us the courage we need as we step into our Unknown.

Here’s a final thought:  Someone else’s scary Unknown is familiar territory for you.  When you come across these people, put an arm around them and encourage them as they step in.

Start and Stop

/ Scott / Leave a comment

“I’d like to …

  • Live a healthy and active lifestyle
  • Have control of my finances
  • Improve my attitude
  • Become a better leader
  • Be a better spouse/partner
  • Parent my children well
  • Be well read
  • Improve the quality of my relationships
  • Learn to play a musical instrument well
  • Make a bigger contribution with my life”

 

Have you ever heard someone make a statement like this?  Perhaps you’ve even made a similar statement yourself.  I have.

Whenever I hear statements like these, either from others or from myself, the first thought that pops into my head is, “Then start doing what that type of person does”.

If you’d like to: Then START doing what:
Live a healthy and active lifestyle Healthy people do
Become a better leader Good leaders do
Improve your attitude People with good attitudes do
Be a better spouse/partner People in solid committed relationships do
Have control of your finances Financially stable people do
Parent your children well Good parents do
Improve the quality of your relationships People with deep friendships do
Make a bigger contribution with your life People who are making a difference with their lives do

 

The second thought that comes to mind when I think about something I’d like to be doing, is to stop doing things that would take me in the opposite direction.

If you’d like to: Then STOP doing what:
Live a healthy and active lifestyle Couch potatoes do
Become a better leader Bad leaders do
Improve your attitude People with bad attitudes do
Be a better spouse/partner People who devalue committed relationships do
Have control of your finances Broke people do
Parent your children well Bad parents do
Improve the quality of your relationships People with poor relationships do
Make a bigger contribution with your life Apathetic or indifferent people do

 

No matter what it is we want to achieve, there are healthy patterns of behavior that will get us there.  Likewise, there are other behavior patterns that will lead us in the opposite direction from where we want to be.  We are fortunate to be able to observe both types of patters in others, so that we can adjust our own behaviors to help us get the results we want.

Is there a goal or positive trait you’d like to develop in your life?  If so, look at others who exemplify that trait, find out what behaviors they routinely follow that brings that trait about in their life, and then put those behaviors into practice in your own life.  Also be on the lookout for examples of the behaviors that are contrary to where you want to go.  Avoid those.

Examples abound.  We only have to look for them; and learn from them as well.

Take Before You Give

/ Scott / Leave a comment

“You can’t give blame until you take responsibility”  ~ Craig Groeschel; Pastor, Life.Church

No one likes looking foolish, stupid, or like a failure.  I think this is the primary reason people have a tendency to blame others or circumstances when something we’re responsible for doesn’t go as planned.

In an effort to avoid looking bad in front of others, we almost automatically seek to place the blame someplace, any place, other than on us.  The paradox is that when we always place blame instead of taking responsibility, we actually do look bad in front of others, which is the very thing we’re trying to avoid.

What if the next time something we’re in charge of goes sideways, instead of choosing to place blame, we choose instead to not only take responsibility for the situation, but for its resolution as well?

From a leadership standpoint, this is the right thing to do.  When we take responsibility for our results we are communicating to others that we care about the quality of our work, about our contribution, and that we can be counted on to follow through to a successful completion.

No one has ever looked foolish doing that.