habits

Expect to be Successful

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Earlier this week I was talking with a colleague who was telling me how they wanted to start riding their bike to work when the weather began getting nicer.  I was impressed with his declaration and told him that his plan sounded like a great idea.  After which he said, “Yeah, but I probably won’t actually do it.  I’ve already got my excuses lined up.”

His comment surprised me.  As I thought about it more, I wondered how often I’ve sabotaged my own efforts to get begin something by having a similar mindset.  If I’ve got a list of reasons or excuses why an endeavor will fail before I even start, how could I ever expect to be successful?  What’s the point of even trying?

It made me think of all the doubt and negative self-talk we can experience when undertaking a new endeavor (or just going through life) and how, just like my colleague’s comment, this kind of talk can sabotage our efforts, dash our initiative, and place a heavy lid on our potential.

Have you ever experienced this kind of action-stopping self-talk?  If so, here are some tools to help you combat this toxic way of thinking in the future:

  • Be mindful of your attitude, thinking, and the language you use.
  • When embarking on a new undertaking, see yourself being successful.  Tell yourself all the reasons why you will succeed.
  • When you think of potential barriers, think also of how you’ll overcome them.
  • Believe you can achieve the goal you’ve set out for yourself.  Not just an “I think I can” mentality, but rather know that you will be successful.  Remind yourself of this often.

We’ll never cause something to happen by holding a mindset that has “already lined up our excuses” for failure.  Remove that kind of thinking from your mind and replace it with thoughts of persevering, overcoming, and achieving your goals.

As many psychologists and speakers have said, we tend to move in the direction of our dominant thoughts.  Let’s all make sure our thoughts are taking us in a direction we want to go.

Cultivating Fallow Ground

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Every day I read the chapter of Proverbs from the Bible that corresponds to the day of the current month.  I do this because Proverbs is filled with such practical wisdom and guidance that I can apply in my life the same day I read it.  On February 13th this proverb struck me like it never has before:

“The follow ground of the poor would yield much food…”   ~ Proverbs 13:23 (ESB)

Fallow refers to something that is resting, inactive, or used.  As I read this Proverb, I though not about a fallow or inactive plot of land, but rather about how our thinking, talents, and abilities can also become fallow.  I also thought about how, if I changed my thinking or utilized my talents more, I could be producing greater riches in my life, and not simply from a monetary standpoint but from a productivity and fulfillment standpoint as well.

So why do we allow our thinking and talents to become fallow?  I think it comes down to 3 basic reasons:

  • Fear of rejection.
  • Fear of breaking out of our comfort zone.
  • We try to avoid the struggle and unpleasant feelings and experience that can come from stretching our thinking and offering our talents.

Fallow thinking holds us back, and keeps a lid on our potential and the contribution we can make to our careers, families, and communities.  If your thinking has gone fallow, even if only in a certain area of your life, be encouraged.  Just like a fallow plot of land only needs to be cultivated and tended to begin producing a rich harvest, our thinking and talents can also become productive by simply deciding to begin cultivating them.

Here are 3 steps you can take today to cause something to happen to cultivate your fallow thinking or talents:

  • Identify your talents and offer them in service to others, either paid or unpaid.
  • Change your thinking toward a positive bent.  Instead of initially focusing on the negative or allowing your thoughts to park on what is negative, be mindful of cultivating thoughts that are positive and action oriented.
  • Think of the simple things you need to do that day to move you in the direction you want to go, and then do them, no matter how small.  Do at least one small action per day.

Don’t let your mind or talents lay fallow a moment longer.  Put them to use today and set yourself up for a fruitful harvest in the future.

Know What You’re Getting

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I was talking with a friend this week who was sharing his thoughts on the state of his chosen profession as a chemist.  He was obviously discouraged as he told me about the lack of appreciation, the challenges, and the perceived lack of respect for the profession.  He truly believed that there are no opportunities for chemists in today’s environment and how it would be a grave mistake for young people today to pursue a degree in this field.  He even told how he discouraged his son from choosing this major, although from my friends’ account, his son sounded quite gifted and interested in chemistry.

Afterward, I couldn’t help thinking about my friend’s conversation(s) with his son, giving him his opinion about the future of the field of chemistry.  I believe my friend was trying to help his son make a good choice, but I kept thinking how his opinion about chemistry would shape the life of his son as he chose another career, based on someone else’s opinion, rather than on his on likes and passions.

I’m sure we’ve all experienced something similar.  We receive an opinion from someone we know or trust, and we then make decisions based that opinion.  This can be especially true when the opinion comes from someone close to us.  It can be comforting to get someone’s take on a decision we’re facing.  However, I think it’s imperative that we are discerning enough to know what we’re getting from others and whether it is worth acting on.  More specifically, we should be able to determine if what we are getting is merely an opinion, or if it is real wisdom.  So what’s the difference?  I looked up the definitions of opinion and wisdom, and came up with the following:

Opinion:  A belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.

Wisdom:  Knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action.

As we know everyone has an opinion.  These opinions are based on the person’s experience, beliefs and thinking and are often presented as indisputable fact.    Wisdom, on the other hand, is based on timeless principles that are proven true time and again.  While opinions can be valuable, if I’m making a big decision, I want make that decision based on wisdom, rather than merely someone’s opinion.

We don’t want to give up what we’re gifted and passionate about because of someone else’s opinion.    Therefore, we need exercise discernment to know whether what we’re getting is an opinion or wisdom.  If it’s an opinion you’re getting, take it with a grain of salt and determine to make up your own mind on the matter.  However, if it’s wisdom you’re getting, perk your ears up, pay attention, and look for ways to apply the wisdom to your situation in order to cause something to happen in your life.

Begin paying attention to your conversations this week and in the future in order to more accurately assess whether you’re getting opinions or wisdom.  Not only will you’ll feel liberated by being able to tell the difference, you’ll also be better equipped to make wise decisions in your life.

 

 

 

Watch Your Language

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If I were to ask you, “What language are you using?” how would you respond?  I imagine most folks would say something like, “English” or “Spanish” or list some other language at which they are proficient.  I doubt many would respond with something like “negative”, “self-defeating”, or “discouraging”.  In fact, I doubt many people give much thought to what type of message their language is conveying beyond the words they speak.  The language we chose to use is powerful, and has a significant impact on our thinking and our outlook on life, as well as our influence on others.

Take a moment and think about the language you use.  Do you have favorite “go-to” phrases you often rely on in your conversations?  What language do you chose to use in describing the world around you?  Does your language consist of phrases like:

  • “That’s just not in the cards for me.”
  • “What’s the point?”
  • “Another day older and further in debt.”
  • “The little man just can’t get ahead.”

Consider the impact a diet of this type of language has your thinking, and on your outlook on life.  Regular use of this kind of negative language can become a vicious circle in your life.  It’s like this…

  • You use negative language that sends a discouraging message…
  • With continued use of this language, you start to believe the negative messages you’re sending…
  • As you begin believing the negative language you’re using, your thinking changes to incorporate these negative thoughts and beliefs…
  • You use even more negative language…

Where does it end?  Furthermore, what kind of people will this kind of language cause us to become?

What if we were to watch our language for the next week with the intent of making it more positive and encouraging?  What if we actually gave thought to the type of language we use and chose our words and phrases as carefully as we chose our next smart phone or automobile?  I’m certainly not saying we have to stop and spend several minutes contemplating everything before we say it.  What I am saying is that using positive (or negative) language is a habit, and we should be mindful enough to ensure that our language serves to improve our outlook and thinking as well as to lift up and encourage ourselves and those we interact with.  Ultimately, we want to build the habit of using positive language.

If you need some help watching your language, cause something to happen by focusing on the following:

  • Begin replacing negative phrases with ones that are more positive and uplifting.  For example, instead of saying, “I’ll never be able to do that.”  Say, “I don’t know how to do that… yet.”
  • Be mindful of the triggers that cause your language to be negative.  Maybe it’s events, locations, or certain people.  When you know you’ll be exposed to one of these triggers, decide in advance that you’ll use language that is positive.  Maybe it’s even time to remove some of these triggers from your life.
  • Remove words from your vocabulary that have a negative connotation and consider reducing or eliminating profanity in your communication.

If you’ve been in the habit of using negative language, and you seek to use more positive language, realize that the change won’t occur overnight.  It will require continuous effort, but don’t let that stop you.  Stick with it!  For as you begin to watch your language, and consciously choose to make it more positive and uplifting, note the change that is also occurring in your thinking and your outlook on life.  Changing our language for the better will change our thinking for the better as well.  And changing our thinking is the beginning of great things.

To begin, we need only to watch our language.

A Routine Tune Up

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I think routines we perform intentionally can be good things.  I mean really, who’s going to argue against the routine of saving and investing a portion of your earnings, or of exercising on a regular basis?  We intentionally establish and, almost automatically, execute these routines because we’re expecting a positive result from doing so.  However, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t occasionally hold our routines up to examination.

It is important to regularly review our routines to make sure that they are still yielding the results we expect, otherwise, why should we continue following them?  For example, take exercising or going to the gym.  Sure, you may be working out several days a week, but are you still seeing the results you were striving for when you first began the routine?  You are repeatedly investing your time in the routine, right?  Are you getting the return you expect from the time you’ve invested?

Just because a routine is done for the right reason doesn’t mean that it is exempt from the need for review and scrutiny to see if changes need to be made.  Continuing to use the example of exercising, perhaps that routine needs to incorporate some new exercises or maybe some additional knowledge or perspective is needed from a coach, trainer, or book.  If we’re going to invest the time and effort into following a routine, shouldn’t we strive to get the best results possible?

Changing an established routine can be difficult when the routine has become comfortable and familiar.  The awkwardness of changing can cause us to revert back to the familiarity of our unproductive old routines. (I’m currently experiencing this struggle as I’m changing up my exercise routine and confronting the awkwardness and discomfort that goes with trying something new.)

What about you?  Are there currently some good routines in your life that could use a tune up?  Are you in a routine where you’re trying to cause something to happen, but not getting the results you want?  If so, here’s a simple process that might be helpful:

  1. Examine what parts of your routine require a tune up.
  2. Determine the specific changes needed that would improve your routine to the point you will achieve the results you desire.
  3. APPLY THOSE CHANGES TODAY!

As you face the awkwardness of changing up a familiar routine, keep the following 2 thoughts in mind to avoid slipping back into your old routine:

  1. Keep a clear picture of your end goal in mind.  What’s the reason behind the change you’re making?
  2. Remind yourself that if you’re going to maintain a good routine, you should expect to get the greatest return for the investment of your time.

But don’t stop there!  Continue to evaluate your routines on an ongoing basis to ensure you’re getting the return you expect.  As you make improvements to your routines, be on the lookout for the benefits and positive results that will follow.  They won’t be hard to find.

What’s Needed to Avoid Being Reactive

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Have you ever had those days, weeks, months, or even years, where so much is going on in your life that you feel like you’re just reacting to everything as it happens?    You know how it goes.  Something comes up, it commands your attention so you work on it until the next urgent thing comes up, at which point you stop working on what you were previously working on and focus on this new task, without any sort of plan or method to prioritizing or completing it.  Whew!  It’s draining just thinking about it!  Perhaps you feel like that at home, at work, or at school.  (Maybe you feel like that in all 3 places!)

Regardless where it happens, this cycle of reacting to the last task that comes in places our focus on other people’s agenda and causes our days to be filled focusing on someone else’s priorities.

I’ve been experiencing this during the last few weeks at work and have been thinking about the causes and solutions to avoid staying in this crazy cycle.  In my case it seems that the reason for getting in this cycle is not primarily due to an increase in workload or requests, but rather my lack of prioritizing or having systems in place to handle this workload.

It’s easy to handle a couple of tasks without a system or prioritization process.  Anyone can do that.  It’s when the volume of requests starts to climb that we need the structure of good systems and direction of clear priorities.  Systems tell us how requests will be handled, and priorities tell us what we should be spending our time on.  Without systems and priorities, we lack the necessary tools to help us navigate and process our requests.  How can we expect to cause something to happen if we lack the tools to do so?

Are you feeling overwhelmed at work, school, or home with multiple requests and tasks?  What areas of your life would benefit from having systems and priorities in place to guide you?  Once you identify these areas, spend some time developing the systems and priorities necessary to help you become more effective.  If you need assistance in this area, I recommend reading Work the System by Sam Carpenter and Getting Things Done by David Allen.  Both of these books are excellent and provide great ideas that you can implement immediately.

Even if you’re currently busy and overwhelmed by requests and tasks, take some time to develop the systems you need to handle them. It will be an investment in your productivity and well-being.

Glacier-like Persistence

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I love glaciers.  Living in the Pacific Northwest, I have several opportunities to see them throughout the year.  They’re remarkable objects of nature that come in all sorts of sizes and make up some of the most beautiful, striking, and unique landscapes on the planet.  Still, the characteristic of glaciers that I admire most is their persistence.

Glaciers aren’t the fastest moving things in the world.  In reality, they quite slow.  Even so, a glacier’s movement can forever change the landscape it travels crosses.  A huge valley can be left in a glacier’s wake.  Enormous alpine landscapes are reshaped as a glacier makes its slow decent down a mountain’s face.  The results don’t happen quickly, but the evidence of their steady, persistent progress can be staggering.

Have you ever thought of yourself as a glacier?  No, I’m not asking if you move at speeds that would make a tortoise look like Formula 1 race car, but rather have you ever thought of yourself as a powerful force, which is persistent in applying continued effort in the direction of a long term dream or goal?  Our dreams are usually not achieved in a minute, an hour, or a day, (If they are, then we need to dream bigger!)  Their achievement is usually the result of daily effort applied over a long period of time.  If you observe the results of only a few days spent perusing a long-term goal, you’re likely to be left unimpressed and under whelmed.  If, on the other hand, you look at several weeks, months, or even years of consistent daily effort, you’ll likely to see significant results.  That’s the power of glacier-like persistence, and it’s available to each of us.  We only need be willing to apply it.

What areas in your life could uses some glacier-like persistence?  Is there a habit you’d like to start or stop doing?  Perhaps there’s a lifestyle change you’d like to make.  Determine today what that is for you and commit to making small incremental progress every day.  And not just when it’s convenient, or only when you feel like it, or until you’re tired.  No, instead choose to move ahead with long-term glacier-like persistence, knowing that one day you’ll be able to stand back on look at all that you were able to accomplish.

The Positive and Negative Sides of “I Don’t Know”

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“I don’t know.”  Sometimes it’s true.  Sometimes we truly don’t know the answer to a question that’s posed to us, or to a decision we need to make.  In either case, I love this answer when it is coupled with a plan of action or next steps to get the information needed in order to answer the question or make the decision.  In this scenario, “I don’t know” shows a confidence in ourselves, knowing that we don’t need to have all the answers.  It shows that we are willing to investigate and learn in order to increase our understanding.  It implies humility, self-assurance, and a willingness to be taught.  I love that!

As much as I love a genuine “I don’t know”, at other times, it can also be an extremely frustrating answer.  Specifically in response to a question that is asked in order to gain a person’s thoughts, opinions, or ideas.  “I don’t know” can often be used to hide behind when we want to avoid having to think or come up with a thought or idea.  For some, this response is almost automatic.  Before their brains have even begun to grapple with the question, their mouths have shut down the thought process completely with a simple “I don’t know”.

For me, when I initially get this response I gently encourage people to give some thought to the question and consider another answer.  Usually it’s as easy as saying, “No, really.  What do you think?”  Often, this is all people need to know that you really are interested in what they have to say, and will cause them to open up and share a well thought answer or opinion.  For others, their “I don’t know” stands.  When this is the case, I politely, but quickly, either change the topic or end the conversation.

Cause something to happen in your own communication starting today by trying the following:

  • Be quick to say “I don’t know” when it truly applies, and be open to gaining the knowledge or understanding needed.
  • If you ask someone a question and they come back with a quick “Oh, I don’t know”, press a little by asking them “No, really.  What do you think?”
  • When you’re asked for your opinion, thoughts or input, engage your mind and exercise your ability to think and reply thoughtfully versus giving a knee-jerk reaction of “I don’t know”, simply to avoid having to think.

Be mindful of these suggestions during your conversations in the days ahead.  By doing so, you’ll be making an effort to better engage the people you’re communicating with.  Who knows, you might even be putting yourself in a position be an influence in someone else’s life.

It Doesn’t Define You

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None of us enjoy when we inadvertently make ourselves look foolish.  Unfortunately, sometimes, it just happens.  When it does it makes us feel awkward and embarrassed ashamed.  For me, this usually occurs while asking a question, making a statement, or presenting something I believe to be fact that turns out not to be the case.  All of a sudden I realize how foolish the last thing I just said or did was and begin thinking, “Everyone here must think I’m’ a total idiot!”  This actually just happened to me earlier this week.

The truth is that this happens to all of us at one time or another.  It’s the risk we take when putting ourselves out there to interact and share our thoughts, ideas, and lives with other people.  When this occurs, it is imperative that we be mindful not to let the experience cause us to shrink back from being fully engaged in life.  Usually we want to pull back to avoid the risk of looking foolish again in the future.    That is the last things we should do!  As much as we may feel like disengage, it’s important not to let a single moment define us or negatively shape our behaviors moving forward.

I believe there are some more constructive things we can do, such as:

  • Realize that one embarrassing moment does not define you or diminish your value as a person.
  • Tell someone close to you that you trust and feel save with about your experience.
  • Look at the situation through the lens of humor.  Was it funny?  If so, give yourself permission to laugh at the situation; and at yourself.

If you really want to cause something to happen that will benefit others, try the following when an embarrassing moment happens to someone you know:

  •  Empathize with them.  Tell them you understand exactly how they feel.
  • Tell them about a time when you embarrassed yourself, or made yourself look foolish in front of other.  As you’re recounting the event, freely laugh at yourself, and let them know it’s ok for them to laugh along with you.
  • Here’s the best thing you can do for them:  Tell them you still think they’re great.  Let them know the event doesn’t define them in your eyes, or diminish their value to you by telling them:  “I still think you’re pretty great, special, cool, fantastic…” you get the idea.

Let’s not let one embarrassing moment keep us from being fully engaged in life.  We all have too much of ourselves to offer the world to keep it hidden away, for fear of looking foolish.

As long as we want to be engaged in life, we’re all going to experience moments where we may look foolish or not present our best selves.  It’s going to happen.

The only way to avoid it is by never sharing your thoughts or ideas with others, and that’s no way to live.  Instead, just remember that when it does occur, go easy on yourself.  The moment does not define you, and it will pass sooner than you realize.  And don’t forget to encourage others not to be too hard on themselves either.  They’ll appreciate your kind words and be encouraged by your example.

We Don’t All Think Alike

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I’m always interested in learning how to be a better communicator.  The ability to express an idea to a group or just carry on a conversation with someone is a great life skill to possess, and something that can be practiced daily.  In my pursuit to improve my communication skills, the following realization has confronted me many times.  It’s the truth that not everybody thinks about things or sees the world, the same way I do.

How obvious, right? Everybody knows that!  Although that may be the case, what’s interesting is how often I can forget this truth when talking with someone who has a different perspective.  When I do forget, I hear my own voice inside my head saying things like:

  • “Why don’t they agree what I’m talking about?”
  • “Why is this person being difficult?”
  • “Do they even know what they’re talking about?”

What I’ve come to learn is that those are the wrong questions to be asking.  Those questions devalue the other person’s thoughts, perspective and experience and say more about my on naive assumption that this person should be thinking just like me.

If my goal is to improve my communication skills, the questions I should be asking myself instead are:

  • “What background, area of expertise, or perspective are they approaching this situation from?”
  • “What do they know that I don’t?”
  • “What am I missing?”

These questions assume that the other person or persons bring some knowledge, experience, or belief about the topic that is shaping their thinking.  The fun part of a conversation, for me, is to determine what that experience, knowledge or belief is.

By asking myself these questions, it puts me in a place to be open to new thoughts by realizing that, although our thoughts may be different, there is a high probability that I can learn something from this person, even if it’s just learning about their perspective.

Pay attention to the conversations you have in the weeks ahead and be on the lookout for your own internal thoughts that stem from a difference in thinking.  Instead of getting frustrated by these differences, cause something to happen in your own mind by considering their thinking try to determine why they think that way.  You might just gain a new perspective and learn something in the process.