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Challenging Assumptions

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I love going to lectures and presentations to hear people talk about topics I’m interested in.  However, I’ve always lamented the fact that the towns around me didn’t offer such events.  My thinking has been that I need to move to a bigger city if I want to be closer to this kind of experience, because the region I live in just doesn’t support lectures and speakers.

That’s what I use to think… until starting looking.

A couple of weeks ago I got online and really started  to investigate to see if there were any types of lectures going on in and around the area I live.  I was surprised at how many opportunities there are every week to hear people speak on a wide range of interesting topics.  I found people talking about planets in the solar system, art history, world events and a whole bunch of other interesting topics.   (I know those topics probably sound kind of geeky, but I like them.)  I have no shortage of interesting events to attend!

I was amazed at how much is available and how false my assumption was.  It caused me to wonder what other false assumptions, beliefs, and mindsets I’m carrying around and how they might be limiting me.

Have you ever held a belief or assumption, only to have it proven false?  These assumptions can occur in many areas of our life, including:

  • Relationships
  • Career
  • Personality ability
  • Religion
  • World View

I think it’s good to challenge assumptions that hold us back and determine whether or not they are really true.  It keeps us from getting stuck in a rut that limits our growth and potential.

Start to challenge your potentially false assumptions with investigation and action.  You may find many of them to be false barriers keeping you from the life you want.

A Grieving Friend

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I have a friend that lost his wife to cancer this summer.  It was very quick from the diagnosis until it was over.  The loss left my friend stunned, scared, and hurting.  He is still struggling with the grief.

As we were texting earlier this week, he was sharing with me how some people were telling him he should be better by now and others are telling him he should be back to normal.  My heart ached for my friend when I read his text that said, “I don’t know.  It just hurts.”

I’m sure these people meant well, but I couldn’t help wonder how many of them have ever experienced the loss of a spouse, and how many of them would be going home to their spouse or loved one after talking with my friend.

It’s so easy to give advice about an experience we’ve never had based on how we think we’d handle the situation if it happened to us.  The truth is we have no idea what someone is dealing with, unless we’ve gone through it ourselves.  Even then, how each person handles a situation can be quite different.

I’ve never lost a spouse, and I’m not a grief counselor, so I don’t know the perfect way to respond to someone who’s grieving like my friend is.  For me, I’m trying to show compassion by doing the following:

  1. Check in regularly via text, email, phone, or whatever the grieving person’s preferred method of communication is. Be sure to do continue doing this after it has become “old news” to everyone else.  Chances are it still hurts for the grieving person.
  2. Acknowledge that the situation sucks, because it does. I’m not saying to wallow there and make it worse.  Just let the grieving person know you’re aware of that fact.
  3. Just be quiet and listen.  Let the conversation go where the other person takes it.  Don’t worry about needing to say something to fill the silent pauses.  Just be there with your ears and heart engaged.

Ultimately, I want to be a blessing to my grieving friend, because I know that’s what I’d want from my friends if I were the one grieving.

The Power of Commitment

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This week I celebrated my 21st wedding anniversary.  As I’ve ben thinking back on our 21 years, I’m reminded of the power of a commitment.

Being committed to something is far more powerful than simply being “in” something.  When you’re “in” a marriage it implies there’s a way out and that you can give up at any time when things get difficult, boring, or old.  There’s really nothing solid keeping you “in”.

However, when you’re committed to something, you’ve decided in advance that there is no getting out when things get tough.  Commitment means you’ve already decided that instead of looking for exit strategies, you’ll look for solutions and strategies to successfully overcome issues you face.  Difficulty, challenge, or boredom do not signal an upcoming off ramp, but rather remind you it’s time to double-down on your efforts.  Why?  It’s because you’ve made a commitment to do so.

This is true of commitment to a number of situations, including:

  • A marriage
  • Parenting
  • Mastering a challenging new skill
  • Establishing a good habit or replacing a bad one
  • Getting in shape
  • Achieving a worthwhile goal
  • Building a good relationship
  • Becoming a person of character and integrity

When you’re committed to something, it changes your vision.  You start to see opportunities to do better and overcome obstacles, instead of excuses why can’t.  You see the bigger picture you’re striving for instead of the immediate circumstance you may be struggling with.  With the vision of commitment, you know where you’re going and more importantly, why.

Are there any areas in your life you need to be committed to, rather than just being “in”?  Better yet, are there any areas where you need to recommit to do something you’ve let slide?  Spend a few minutes thinking about these questions, and then make, or re-make, any necessary commitments you need to make.  Doing so will enable you to start tapping into the power of commitment today.

Taking Opportunities to Connect (Part 2)

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This week I was again reminded of the desire people have to connect with one another.   My church is kicking off small groups for the fall and winter and the group I’m leading had their first meeting on Wednesday evening.  There were 6 of us and we all hit it off really well.  This is going to be a fun group!

As a way to get to know one another, our group opened with 2 short questions that each person responded to.  Those 2 questions were:

  1. What is something you enjoy doing
  2. Why are you in this group?

From the answers to questions 1, it is obvious that our group likes getting out doors and hiking.  I see a potential group hike in our future!

There was a strong theme regarding the 2nd question that had to do with connecting with others.  People in the group, including me, were interested in connecting with a smaller group of people and establishing relationships that went beyond the busy Sunday pleasantries of, “How are you doing?  I’m fine.”  We are all interested in getting to know people and to be known as well.  That is one of the best reasons for joining a small group that I can think of.

I’ve been part of several small group settings including:

  • Groups at church
  • Professional groups and workshops
  • Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace
  • The Dale Carnegie Human Relations course

It’s amazing to me how much people open up when they’re in the company of others with similar interests.  What’s even more amazing is once a safe environment is established:

  1. People are willing to honestly share what’s going on in their lives.
  2. How supportive people are to others in the group.

People are social creatures and were made for interaction with others.  Although it’s easy to shut ourselves off from others and go about our days without connecting with others, I think this is a bad plan.  Long term it leads to potential loneliness and a life lacking the richness that is often provided through connection with others.

How are you doing at connecting with others?  I encourage you to look for opportunities to connect with others in the days, week, and months ahead.  In my opinion, life is more enjoyable when we invest in the lives of others, and they do likewise with us.

Taking Opportunities to Connect

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This week I was in a 3-day workshop with 50 other folks on the topic of Data Display and Dashboard Design.  I’m sure this topic is causing most readers to yawn (but hopefully keep reading!).  For me however, this was an exciting workshop that I had been looking forward to for several weeks.  I’ve been struggling to find people in the data display field to interact with, so I was excited at the opportunity to “geek out” on this topic with other like-minded folks.

In the weeks prior to the workshop, I committed to making an effort to meet and connect with as many people as I could.  I decided I would take the initiative to introduce myself to others, initiate conversations, and invite folks who seemed to be on the periphery into conversations I was having with others.

I’m so glad I followed through with my commitment!  Just the connections and conversations I had with people at the workshop were worth the price of admission.  The actual content provided in the workshop was an added bonus.

By stepping out and deciding to connect with others I:

  • Was encouraged and motivated by what others in the field were doing.
  • Learned answers to a couple of significant data related questions I had been struggling with.
  • Made some great professional contacts.
  • Met some very nice people.

Connecting with others is not always easy and can sometimes be awkward, especially if you’re normally a shy person.  However, I’ve found that people I introduce myself to at a workshop or other event are usually glad to engage, and often thankful that someone has initiated conversation with them.  It feels like people are eager to connect, but often tentative about taking the first step.

The next time you’re at an event with people you may not know, take the initiative to connect with the other attendees.  Know in advance though, that it will require something from you.  It will require:

  • Getting your face out of the smart phone and actually talking to people.
  • Putting yourself out there by getting outside of your comfort zone and being the first to introducing yourself, or start a conversation.
  • Not running off at breaks or lunch to check your email, smart phone, or any other convenient distraction that normally keeps us from connecting with others.

Not connecting with others and keeping to yourself is easy, but it’s also unrewarding.  Being the one to initiate contact can be scary and makes you vulnerable, but it’s so much more rewarding than being alone in a room full of people you have so much in common with.

Be the one that goes first.  You’ll be rewarded for your efforts, and others will be blessed the interest you’re taking in them.

Missed the Mark

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Pets in stores.  Does it seem like more people are bringing their pets into stores and restaurants lately, or is it just me that has noticed an increase in this type of behavior?

Every time I see someone in a grocery store or restaurant with a pet, I find myself wondering, “Can’t they leave their pet in the car or at home for 30 minutes?!  What’s wrong with them that they think they’ re entitled to bring their pet anywhere they want, regardless of health laws or common societal courtesies?!”  I guess it’s just a pet peeve of mind.  (Please excuse the pun.)

During the recent Labor Day weekend, my wife and I were at Wallowa Lake in Joseph Oregon, where we rode the tram to the top of Mt. Howard and did some hiking.  The views were breathtaking!

WallowaLakeTram

As we were standing in line to ride the tram back down, I saw a lady ahead of us in line that had her small dog in her coat.  There was clear signage stating that pets were not allowed on the tram.  As I noticed her I could hear myself thinking, “C’mon lady!  Do you really have to bring your dog up here?  You couldn’t be apart from Fido for a couple of hours?  Really?!”

Every time I saw her and her dog I had similar thoughts.  The primary thought being, “What’s wrong with people these days?”  Unbeknownst to me, I was about to find out.

Each tram car hold 4 people, and since there were a lot of folks in line, the tram staff was doing their best to make sure each car was as full as possible.  Since it was just my wife and I in our group, I was sure we’d get paired up with another group for the ride down, which is great with me, because I like talking to people.

Upon approaching the front of the line, the tram attendant said to us, “You’ll be riding down with this person” as he motioned to… (you already know who)… the lady and her dog!  “OH GREAT!!”  I can’t say I was thrilled, but what do you do, fake a dog allergy?  So the 4 of us got in and began the 10 minute ride down the mountain.

Once in the tram, the lady opens her coat and lets the dog out.  I immediately notice the dog is wearing a doggie jacket that says, “Emotional Support Animal.”  Huh.  So this wasn’t just some regular pet.

A few second into the ride, I strike up a conversation with the lady and find out she grew up in the area and was back visiting her father.  As the 4 of us were riding along, we talked about where she currently worked, the area we were visiting, and what it was like growing up there.  It was a great conversation and I was actually glad we were sharing the ride together.

About half way down the mountain, the lady shared with us that on September 5th, 2014 (1 year and 1 day prior to our collective tram ride) that the state police had showed up at her work to inform her that her husband had been killed in a traffic accident.  She had come home for the Labor Day weekend to visit her dad during the 1 year anniversary of her husband’s death.

Holy crap!!  I wasn’t expecting that.  In a split second I realized that this wasn’t a person who felt entitled to take her dog anywhere she pleased, but rather a grieving, hurting human being.

I felt like a jerk for the previous judgements I had made about her without even knowing her story.

As the ride progressed, I asked how she was doing and how the previous year had been for her, but mostly, I just listened to her story.

After we got to the end of the ride and said our farewells, I thought about how quickly I had sized up this lady with her dog and come to a snap judgement based on the little information I had.  I was amazed, and ashamed, at how far off my judgement had been.

I still don’t think that people should bring their non-service-animal pets into grocery stores and restaurants.  However, my recent interaction on the tram caused me to think about how quick I am to judge others when I don’t even know their story.  Moving forward, I’m working to adjust my thinking toward others to be less judgmental and more inquisitive.  Instead of simply making snap judgements, I’m trying to also ask myself, “What might they be dealing with?  Is there a grief or burden they might be carrying?  Could they use a kind word or some encouragement from me instead of judgement?”

I believe that there are occasions for snap judgements, but I’m also reminded that there are far more occasions where compassion and understanding is the better approach.  If the situation with the lady and her dog had been reversed, and it was me that had lost a spouse, I know I would have appreciated compassion and understanding far more than judgement.

Goals Alone Won’t Do

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Everyone likes to have goals.  There is something exciting and encouraging about looking to the future and envisioning how it could be.  However, just having a goal is not enough, at least if you want your goal to become a reality.  The setting of a goal is easy.  Creating a plan of action to achieve your goal can be challenging.

I was listening to Jeff Haden on The Learning Leader Show podcast talk about the importance of having an action plan with steps you can take that will move you closer to the attainment of a goal.  This was information I’ve heard a zillion times, but this time, it was like hearing it for the first time.  It’s weird how that works!

Like most people, I’ve been guilty of setting goals and not following through with them.  I love the end of the year because I focus on what I want the next year to look like and write down a number of very specific goals.  Some I achieve, and others I lose track of or don’t make the progress I’d like to.

Upon hearing Jeff’s message, I realized that in all the goal setting I’ve done, I have never actually written out the specific action steps and timeframe to accompany the goal I’d like to achieve.  No wonder several of my goals are unattained or forgotten.  If I don’t identify what I need to do to attain them, it’s largely just wishful thinking.

It got me thinking, in order to help me reset my existing goals, and get a jump on the system I’ll use for next year’s goals, I think I need to integrate the following concepts:

  • Describe the specific goal
  • Determine the action steps I’ll need to take to achieve the goal
  • Make a plan to take these action steps on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis
  • Revisit this plan at least weekly

In addition to the above concepts, it also seems important to break up large goals into a series of smaller goals that take less than 90 days to achieve.  Larger goals that take 12 months to achieve can feel overwhelming or breed a false sense that they can be started later since they won’t be realized for quite some time.   When broken down into a series of smaller goals we increase the likelihood of building momentum having early success.

If goals are worth having, then we should have a process in place that ensures the greatest probability of seeing them fulfilled.

The next time you’re setting goals for yourself, try integrating these ideas.  The only thing that stands in the way of where you are and where you want to be is the actions required to get there.

What Have You Got?

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There’s something satisfying about finding an area of my life that I want to improve, identifying and taking steps to make it better, and seeing positive results.  It’s a life-long process that ensures I don’t just get older, but that I get better as well.

Legendary motivational speaker Zig Ziglar had a great teaching tool called the Wheel of Life that he used to illustrate areas of our life where we divide our attention and resources.  The areas in the Wheel include:

  • Career
  • Financial
  • Spiritual
  • Physical
  • Intellectual
  • Family
  • Social

I’ve noticed that, if I’m not mindful, I can focus on what’s not working well for me in a single area of life and not even acknowledge or appreciate other areas where things are going very well.  For example, I can get frustrated about Career not being where I’d like it to be and totally miss the progress I’m making in say Physical, Spiritual, or Social.

Left unchecked, I can very easily begin to view my whole life through the frustration or challenges I’m facing with Career.  This singular focus clouds my outlook and attitude toward life as a whole, when in fact I have other areas of my life that are going quite well.  Therefore, it is imperative that we are aware of the whole Wheel of our life and not allow frustration in one area to push out the good things happening in other areas.

I know this isn’t new or cutting edge thinking.  However, I do think that it is important to be reminded of on a regular basis.  This ensures we’re not overlooking the areas of our life where things are going well, while we’re also making efforts to improve in other areas.

As you take a look at the Wheel of your own life, find out where you are struggling and take steps to improve in those areas.  But equally important, identify the areas where you’re doing well and celebrate them and be grateful.  Your improved attitude and outlook will position you for a greater likelihood of success in areas you’re seeking to improve.

Don’t Wait to be of Service

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“If you can help your neighbor now, don’t say, “Come back tomorrow, and then I’ll help you.”   ~Proverbs 3:28

This is one of my favorite proverbs, and one that often pops into my head at just the time I need it.

It’s easy to offer assistance, pay a debt, or fulfill a promise you made when it’s on our terms or fits into our schedule.  It’s quite another thing to do when we’re pressed for time or just don’t feel like it.  Regardless, the writer of this proverb tells us that we should not turn someone away to come back another day, when we can help them today.  If we can take action to assist in that moment, we should.

I think an important reason for doing this is that if we do indeed send them away to come back another day, we may miss the opportunity to have an impact in their life.  Sure, it may not be a life changing impact, but there may be an opportunity to connect with them and make an impact that day.  You never know where the next opportunity will come from.

So who can you help today, that you’d rather help tomorrow?  When you think of that person, be reminded of Proverbs 3:28, and take action today.

What Are You Allowing In

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I’ve been thinking this week about how what we fill our minds with today influences our thoughts in the future.  I’m also surprised at how quickly our mind comes up with thoughts that are influenced by what we’re allowing into our minds.

This can be a great thing if we’re filling our minds with good content that reinforces good thinking.  The other side is that a lack of discernment over what content we allow into our minds can lead to a polluted thought life that will manifest itself in equally polluted speech, attitude and behavior.

Earl Nightingale gave a great illustration of this by comparing our minds to a plot of land for a garden.  If we plant corn seeds in this pot of land, the only crop that we can expect the land to produce is corn.  It will not produce carrots, peas, beets, or potatoes.  We’ve sown seeds of corn.  The only thing the land will produce in return is corn.

Our minds are like that plot of land, and the content we’re allowing into our mind today are the seeds of our future thoughts, beliefs and attitudes.  Like the plot of land, our minds will only return a harvest based on the seeds we sow in it.  If we’re filling our mind with the seeds of positive input, our thoughts will be positive.  Likewise, seeds of negativity will yield and equally negative harvest.

So what are these “seeds” that we plant in our mind?  What do they look like and where do we get them?

These seeds come in many forms, such as:

  • Books we read
  • People we interact with
  • Games we play
  • Movies we watch
  • Music we listen to
  • Media we consume
  • Environments we spend time in
  • Communities we are a part of

Since they have such a significant impact on our thinking, it is so important to be aware of the content we allow into our mind.  We would never intentionally put sand or water into the gas tank of our car, because that would have a damaging impact on the car’s engine.  Our minds should be treated likewise, because the wrong input, which leads to wrong thinking, can have an equally damaging impact.

There are 2 things we can do today to start having better, more positive thoughts:

  1. Be aware of the input we’re allowing into our minds. Pay attention to the content we’re taking in and the conversations we’re having.  If they’re negative, change them.
  1. Be aware of the thoughts you’re having. When you notice they’re negative, replace them with a positive thought.  Left unchecked, we will go where our thoughts take us.  I’d prefer to be taken somewhere positive.

Become aware of the content you’re allowing into your mind and begin sowing the seeds of good thoughts in your mind today.  A harvest of good thinking in the future awaits.