Here’s something we all know, but that I often forget… we don’t all have the same background and experiences shaping how we view ourselves and the world.
I can too easily assume that others have similar backgrounds and experiences as me. That assumption is an easy connection to another equally false assumption; that what I would do or how I would think in a situation is how others should think. That’s simply not true.
Our experiences and backgrounds shape how we interpret what we see in the world, so it’s obvious that those with differing experiences would see things different that I would, and vice versa.
I like to frequently remind myself about this so that I don’t look up one day and realize that I’ve turned into a cranky old man, simply because I assume that the problem with everyone is that they don’t see the world the same way I do.
“What’s it like on the other side of me?” ~ Pastor Amy
During the sermon at church last week, one of our pastors referenced this question that she often asks herself in relation to what it’s like for others to interact with her. I though it was a great question I should start asking myself!
We all know what it’s like to be us. We’re aware of our opinions, our values, and what we think. However, are we aware of how those opinions come across when we’re talking to others? Are we aware of possible no verbal signals, attitudes, tones of voice, judgement, or perceptions we may not mean to send, that others experience when communicating with us?
Pastor Amy’s question causes me to think about how I treat others (intentionally or unintentionally) when communicating with them. It reminds me that communication is so much more than just words.
Wal-Mart shoppers often get a bad rap. There are websites out there that show pictures and behaviors of what some people think are stereotypical Wal-Mart shoppes. However, I had a couple experiences last Saturday that shatters the typical stereotypes you’d see on such sites.
First, I was on the isle looking at plastic storage bins. (So many choices!) As I was comparing a couple options, I could see a shopper out of my peripheral vision push their shopping cart down the main isle. I didn’t think anything of it until I heard a voice saying, “You don’t want to buy that one, because the plastic handles break off.” I turned and noticed that lady was pointing to one of the bins I was looking at on the shelf.
“Really?” I said, in a tone that invited her to tell me more. She told me that she had bought that particular bin recently and after using it for a short timeframe the handles had both broken off. I told her I which plastic bin I was considering, as I pointed to its location on the shelf. She said that one would be a much better choice.
After grabbing the bin, I headed to the pet section where I was looking for some litter box solutions for our cats. I had a couple of products in my hand when I heard another voice to my right. “I just bought that one, and it’s really good.” I turned to see another lady pointing to one of the products in my hand. “Oh, really? So, you like this one?” I said, as I held up the product she was pointing to. She asked if I minded a recommendation, to which I responded, “For sure! What have you got?”.
She told me about her recent purchase and how it has been working well for her cats. We talked for a few minutes about some other options, and she bid me “good luck”.
I think it was so great, in light of all the division and discord between people these days, that each of these ladies decided to offer their assistance to me for no other reason than to see that I made a good purchase.
There should be a website to showcases people like that!
I was talking with a friend at the gym this week about working from home. While there are a number of positives, the biggest negative for me is not having the face-to-face contact with people. Sure, there are a lot of alternatives, like instant messaging and video calls, but they don’t quite measure up to the experience of an in-person interaction.
My friend agreed, but also mentioned how for her grand kids, video conversations are what they’re use to, and are more common for them than face-to-face conversations. She also mentioned her grandkids are growing up with Face Time and other video chat tools, and see these types of interactions as normal as we would see an in-person visit from our grand parents back in the day.
That was an interesting reminder to me about how differently we all look at the world through the lens of our own experience. What may seem mainstream to me, could be unusual to others, and vice versa. And that’s ok! We all have different life experiences that shape our lenses.
I think it’s important to be mindful f this in our interactions with others. It’s easy to assume everybody sees the world through the same lens as I do, but that’s simply not true. When I take time to listen to others, I gain a better understanding of the lens they view the world through. If I listen close enough, I can even understand how their lens was formed.
I’m thankful we aren’t all the same. While that might make some things easier, it would certainly be less interesting to live in a world where everyone looked through the same lens as me.
We just finished a 6 week house renovation project this week that included some painting, carpeting, and hardwood floors. Our house is 23 years old, so it was time to spruce everything up and give it a fresh new look. I think it’s important to keep my house in a good working order and condition, not only because it’s such a big investment, but because it’s more enjoyable for me to live in when it’s in this state.
I also think it’s important to maintain the other big things in our lives that are important to us like our:
- Closest Relationships
- Spiritual well being
- Intellect and thinking
Maintenance, whether it be for a friendship, a home, or our health, involves a commitment of our time and resources, because things that are neglected usually aren’t maintained well.
Spend some time thinking about the things that are important to you and determine whether they could use a little maintenance from you. If so, take action to get them the attention they need. You’ll enjoy what you have even more when it’s properly maintained.
I felt like I went back in time for a moment this week… and I loved it!
My wife and I were walking on a popular beach in Oregon, when a couple we were passing held out their cell phone and pleasantly asked, “Would you mind taking our picture?” I use to hear (and even ask) that question all the time on vacations, hikes or at any other outing with a view I’d like to capture with me in it. Now, with cell phones and selfie sticks, it seems no one ever asks that question any more. At least not until last week.
My answer to the couple… “ABSOLUTELY!!”
I miss being asked that question. It’s always been fun to share a moment like that with someone, as you help them preserve a memory. With all the options available that remove the need to interact, it was nice to be invited to share the moment with them.
I hope they enjoy the photo as much as I enjoyed taking it.
“If you need help, ask.” Whether at school, at home, or on the job, we’ve all been told this as some point. If we need help, assistance is just a request away. Yet why is it that we seem to wait so long for before we actually avail ourselves of the assistance others are willing to offer?
I get it, we like to be self-sufficient and figure things out for ourselves, or perhaps we don’t want to be a burden to others. I recognize myself in both of those statements. And while I agree that we need to make an effort at whatever we’re attempting, at some point we need to enlist the help of others to move forward. When we find ourselves spinning our wheels or overwhelmed, that’s a significant clue that we should be asking for help.
Keep the following thought in mind the next time you need to ask someone for help, especially if you feel like your asking is a bother to others. While you’ve undoubted have been told, “If you need help, ask”, have you ever told that to someone else? (I’ll bet you have!) And when you told them, did you mean it? (I’ll bet you did!) It therefore seems reasonable to believe that most people would be glad to help, if you simply asked.
My sister and I were texting earlier this week about the nice sunny weather we were having. I suggested we get together for a nice walk one of these upcoming sunny mornings. She agreed. Not only that, her following text showed me her level of commitment, “Let’s just pick a day, or it won’t happen!!”
I couldn’t have agreed more.
When there is something we want to do, the best way to ensure that it actually happens is to just pick a day and get it on the calendar. It’s not difficult. Once you decided you’re committed to making it happen, open up the calendar and select a date and time that works. It really is that simple. A specific date and time equals commitment. “Someday” does not.
I’m looking forward to our scheduled walk with my sister this Saturday morning! We just picked a day.
I like Thanksgiving. It’s a fun time of year, the sights and smells of the holiday are great, plus it’s a fun time to get together with people we’re thankful for. This year’s holidays will likely be very different than holidays past for many people.
While that may be frustrating, I think it’s important not to spend too much time lamenting what we don’t have this year, but rather focus on what we still do have. In addition, it would help us to begin to eager look ahead to the holidays yet to come that won’t be impacted by a global pandemic.
Those days are coming. We just need to look past today to see them.
Whenever time or effort is required of me, either voluntarily, for work, or just for fun, I think it’s important to give the best effort I’m capable of within the given conditions. I’m not a big fan of mailing it in.
Whether it’s carving a turkey at Thanksgiving, giving a presentation, or anything in between, why would we want to give anything less than our bet effort? The effort we give our tasks sets the tone for how we approach life. When we decide to offer our best, we are deciding that we want to show up and engage life. We expect more than the minimum daily requirements, from life as well as from ourselves.
Besides, when we offer our best to the world, we are encouraging others to do the same.