leadership

Make An Effort First

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It’s easy to make statements declaring that we aren’t good at something, for instance, “I’m not good at remembering peoples’ names.” While that might be true, before making such declarations we should first ask ourselves, “Have I made an effort?”

This may not seem like a big deal with regard to remembering name, but the implications are much higher when, without even trying we state things like:

  • I’m not good at…
  • I’m not smart enough to…
  • I’d never be able to…

Let’s not be so quick to put lids on our potential with these limiting beliefs.  Sure, it’s easier to make declarations of our perceived incompetencies than it is to make an effort at becoming competent.  However, these declarations come at a high price as they keep us living small, unchallenged, stagnant lives.

Before deciding all the things we aren’t, let’s make an effort first to find out what we are.

That’s OK

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I have not made a blog post for the last 2 weeks… and that’s ok.

Since January 2013, I’ve been posting weekly to this blog.  I like the process of having an idea, thinking on it, and organizing that thought into a weekly post. I especially like how this process has improved my thinking, writing, and aided in my personal development.

As a result, I’ve been hesitant to skip a week because I didn’t want to “break the chain”.  The past 2 weeks, however, I intentionally decided not to write a post in order to free up some time to focus on other things.

I admit, it felt strange not to write those posts, but I also realized that it’s ok to skip a week (or 2) to make room in my schedule.

The point of this week’s post is to say that sometimes the right thing to do is to say, “No” to something good and productive, in order to say, “Yes” to something more pressing. 

Sometimes we need to say, “No”, and that’s ok.

Use It

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Last week my wife and I were walking through a wetland on a trail that lead to an Oregon beach that not many people visit. I was wearing a favorite sun hat that had a wide brim that would keep my face and neck protected from the sun. As was my habit, I did not have the chinstrap secure. This would turn out to be a big mistake.

As we were walking, a gust of wind lifted the had straight off my head. I watched in slow motion as I unsuccessfully reached for the hat, and watched it sail over a thick hedge and into a creek surrounded by a swampy inaccessible marsh. It was gone, and I wasn’t getting it back.

It’s not a big deal to lose a hat. Even though I really liked that hat, I can, and did, get another one. What was frustrating to me was that I would still have it, if I had only used the hat’s chinstrap. Chinstraps, much like seatbelts, sunscreen, and other preventative devices, can only do their job if you use them.

I’m reminded that preventative devices like, chinstraps, can’t work if we don’t use them.

Change Gears

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This week I was working on a project that just wasn’t coming together.  The task I was trying to complete became a problem solve to solve.  I worked for the better part of a day on it and still wasn’t having much success.  While I am confident I’ll find a solution, I decided it was time to change gears.

Since I was stuck on this particular task, I decided to change gears and focus on another task that involved a slightly different skillset.  It was great, because I able to make some great headway on this part of the project, while letting my subconscious work on the other task I was having trouble with.

Sometimes I find it’s helpful to focus on something else, instead of continuing to head down a dead end.  Pointing our mind in a new direction can help us gain some success and hopefully come back to the challenging task with a fresh mind ready to solve the problem.

I’m eager to see how this works for me.

Waiting For Perfect

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I’m sure we’ve all been guilty of “waiting for perfect” before making a decision.  Perhaps we were waiting for the perfect scenario, circumstance, job, opportunity, or even person to show up before we committed to taking action.   In some cases, we might even be waiting for perfect from ourselves. 

This will come as no surprise: if we’re delaying action while we wait for perfect to arrive, we’ll be waiting a long time.

A better choice might be to consider good enough for now.

No, I’m not telling you to make bad choices, or to say “Yes” to dangerous or harmful people or things.  What I am suggesting is lifting the expectation of perfection in everything, and considering the very good possibilities that are now available.  You’ll find there are far more very good options than perfect ones.    

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At a restaurant last weekend, I noticed a party of 4 (2 couples) get seated at a table near us.  Almost immediately after they were seated, one of the people pulled out their cell phone, propped it up, and began watching a football game.   Occasionally, this person would say something to other people at the table, but after they made their comment, their focus would return right back to their phone.

Wait, it gets better.

When half time arrived, this same person took an incoming call and began talking about the first half of the game with whomever called.  It was frustrating to watch.  I can imagine how unseen and unimportant this person’s dinner guests must have felt.  It never feels good to come in second place to a cell phone.

For me, I would much rather have a friend be honest and say something like, “Hey would you mind if we rescheduled dinner?  There’s a big game on that I’d really like to see, and I want to be present when we all go out to dinner together.” That would be so much better than to show up and have a friend tell you, through their actions, “I know you’re right in front of me, but right now, this game is more important to me than connecting with you.” 

The interaction I saw reminded me of the importance of being present with people, especially when we set aside time to be with them and connect with them.  To do otherwise is to send a message (perhaps unintentionally) that they aren’t that important to us.

A Quick Thought On Bringing Up Concerns

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Have you ever been in a meeting or a conversation where you wanted to bring up a concern that you had, but you didn’t?  I think we’ve all experienced something like that.  I know I have. 

If we choose not bring up a concern when we have the opportunity to do so, it’s important to remember that we are then giving up our right to complain about it later.  

Something Different

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The next time you’re trying to decide where to go out to eat, what movie to go see, or what to do over the weekend, perhaps consider trying something different.

It’s easy to default to the familiar or the “safe” choice, but new adventures, and perhaps new favorites, are potentially on the other side of a decision to try something different.

The Person We Become

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As 2024 approaches, and we start to think about goals and things we’d like to accomplish in the coming year, perhaps it would be good if we also spent some time thinking of the type of person we’d like to become in the new year. Perhaps when December 31, 2024 arrives, you’d like to be a person who:
  • Exercises daily
  • Saves a specified percentage of their income for retirement
  • Attends regularly attends church
  • Visits an aging parent once a month
  • Initiates outings with friends
  • Takes their child out to breakfast once a week to check in
  • Says “Yes” to new experiences and adventures
  • Reads X number of books a year
The list is endless as to the type of person we’d like to be.  However, what is important is deciding what type of person we want to be and take the steps monthly, weekly, and daily to become that kind of person on December 31, 2024. We’re going to become something by then end of 2024.  Let’s choose, by way of our behaviors, what kind of person we become versus waiting to see what kind of person we accidently turned in to.

Building A Life

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“The way you live your days is the way you live your life.”   ~Annie Dillard

This quote causes me to look at my life from both a macro and a micro level and assess whether the things I’m doing on a daily basis are moving me closer to or further away from the life I want to live.

When observing from a macro level, I think of the words I would use to describe my life.  Would I use words like chaotic, stressful, and uninspiring, or would I use words more like joyful, growing, and energizing?  This zoomed-out perspective provides me with a state-of-my-life assessment.  Whether I’m happy with the assessment or disappointed by it, I can simply zoom in and look at how I’m living each day.

If I like the state of my life, I can identify daily consistencies that cause this outcome, and make sure those are a regular part of my days.  Likewise, I can also identify daily behaviors and/or actions that, if left to compound, could negatively impact my life.  Once identified, I can eliminate or change these behaviors. 

That’s the most encouraging part to me:  we can make changes!  Our lives are the sum of the days we live.  If we don’t like the assessment of our lives, we can change how we live each day.  While these changes are not always easy, they are ours to make. 

Let’s make sure that we’re living our days in a manner consistent with the life we desire.