human relations

It’s Happening Now

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This week I saw the following statement on someone’s T-shirt:  “Enjoy it because it’s happening now”.

I love this timely reminder!

With the beginning of a new year, it’s common to focus on goals and what we plan on doing in the upcoming weeks and months of 2017.  While looking ahead and planning are indeed both important endeavors, it’s equally important that they not occur at the expense of enjoying the good things we’re experiencing in the present moment.

It seems to me that we create our history, our memories, our relationships, and even cement our legacies by how we choose handle what’s happening to us in each moment.

What kind of memories are we creating when we’re overly focused on the future?  What kind of relationships are we creating when we’re too distracted slow down and connect with the people we love and care about?  How will we be remembered by the people with whom we have the pleasure of crossing paths with?  Will they feel like we were looking over their shoulders to see what was next, or will they feel like we actually cared about and were interested in them?

Once gone, a present moment cannot be recaptured.  We can’t go back and extract enjoyment we left on the table from a moment that has already passed.  We must be mindful to enjoy what’s happening right now.

 

Curiosity and Understanding

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A couple of weeks ago my wife and I attended a Moth Mainstage event in Portland Oregon.  The Moth features everyday people who tell stories about their life without using any notes.  It’s just the speaker, a microphone, and the audience.

That night we heard from 5 different storytellers:

  1. A junior speech writer for President Obama
  2. An Australian lady helping her Hungarian boyfriend gain US citizenship
  3. A dad remembering a Halloween after the death of a beloved family pet
  4. The son of a man who died on Mt. Everest
  5. A Sudanese refugee’s journey across Africa, after fleeing from her war-torn country, that eventually led to the United States

Their stories were riveting.

As my wife and I were driving home, discussing what we’d just heard, we were both struck by how hearing someone’s story gave us an understanding as to how they thought about, felt about, and perceived their unique experience.  Even though neither of us has fled a war in our own country, we gained a slight understanding of how someone who has had that experience might feel, simply by hearing this Sudanese woman’s story.

Here’s the best part:  if we ever meet someone who is or was a refugee, we will have a better chance of understanding what concerns or fears they may be dealing with, simply because we were willing to listen to someone else’s similar experience.

I think it’s important to be curious about other people and willing to listen to them in order to gain a better perspective as to how their experiences have shaped their worldview, especially when they are different from us in culture or beliefs.

Be curious as you meet people that are different from you, and be willing to listen to them to understand how their experiences have shaped them.  It’s a great way to build connection with people you meet in the future that may have had a similar experience.

Just Like Snowflakes

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Many years ago, I spent a fall and winter at Ft. Leonard Wood Missouri while attending Army basic training.  Those were some frigid months that gave me a new found appreciation for how frozen vegetables must feel.  During those below-freezing temperatures however, I was blessed to have also seen some of nature’s most beautiful work.

One night after dinner we were lined up in formation to march back to the barracks.  (The Army loves to march!)  As we were standing in the dry frigid air of night, waiting for the drill sergeant to bark out commands to being marching, it began to snow.  I noticed a couple of flakes fall on the soldier’s coat in front of me, and as they did, I couldn’t believe what I saw.  Each individual flake was so perfectly and uniquely shaped, just like you see in Christmas cartoons or beautiful Christmas ornaments.  Never before had I seen an individual snow flake.  Sure, I knew that snow is made of up individual flakes, but this was the first time I had actually seen how detailed, elegant, fragile, and beautiful a snowflake really is.  It was a scene I have never forgotten.

It’s hard to believe that something like a ski slope, a snow covered meadow, a snowy mountaintop, or even an avalanche is made up of millions of unique, individual, beautiful snowflakes.  I think it’s a lot like that with people as well.  It’s easy to just see people as communities, nations, families, organizations, or other large collections.  But what’s interesting to me is that every one of the aforementioned groups is made up of unique, individual, beautiful people.

As you’re moving around in the different groups of people in the weeks ahead, take notice of the individuals that make up those groups.  Look at how unique each one of them is and how their uniqueness adds to the group they’re in.

And don’t forget to look at yourself as well.  You are also unique and valuable to the larger groups you are a part of, and those groups are fortunate to have you.

Part of the Community

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Have you ever strained a muscle in your lower back?  Not only is it painful, it also underscores how much those muscles are used throughout the day for routine tasks like walking, standing, balancing, sneezing, and a host of other activities.  It isn’t until these muscles are strained or out of commission that we realize how important they are to the larger community of our physical body.

I think it can be like that with people in our lives as well.  We don’t realize how important others are or how much they contribute until they are no longer around.  And I’m not just referring to those closest to us.  Think about the people that make your community function like the grocers, merchants, manufacturers, civil servants, garbage collectors, doctors, public utilities… the list is endless.

When these people are present, we hardly notice them.  Now imagine if any one of these groups of people were no longer around in your community.  It wouldn’t take long to notice, as our community would be significantly impacted by their absence.

I mention this not only as a reminder to be grateful for all those in our communities that we don’t notice, but rely on daily, but to remind us that others in our communities are counting on us as well.

That’s how communities work.

Don’t Miss It

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As I was driving to the gym at 5:10 AM on a dark Tuesday morning this week I was fortunate to see an absolutely beautiful natural scene.

The full moon was high in the clear, dark western sky, illuminating a band of clouds that had stacked up along the eastern slope of the Oregon Coast Range.  The moon’s reflected light cast down on the clouds causing them to pop against the black sky with brilliant shades of silver, white, and gray.  The tableau was so striking, so breath-taking and unexpected that I just stopped in the middle of the road to watch it for a moment. (One of the benefits of a small town in the wee hours of the morning.)

As beautiful as this scene was, it would have been easy to miss, had I been too mentally distracted to notice.  I’m amazed at how busy our minds can get, with all the life events that clamor for bits of our mental capacity.  Whether it’s thinking about the people, places, or things in our life, or keeping up with all the technological notifications and alerts we’re bombarded with, our minds can easily become so full that we find ourselves distracted from, if not blind to, the things going on right in front of us.

I hate to think of being too distracted to notice such a beautiful moonlit scene.  But even worse, I wonder what other beautiful things I have failed to notice in my past, simply because I was too distracted to see them.

As we’re going about living active lives, let’s make sure we’re saving some mental capacity to take notice of the beautiful things happening right in front of us.  We never know when a naturally beautiful scene will make a surprise appearance.

Let’s be ready for it!

Words

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Would you ever walk around deliberately throwing pointed darts at people, hitting them with a club, or punching them in the gut? Of course not!  In fact, if we did, we’d likely get arrested!  Yet everyday people are equally, if not more, careless with the words they choose to launch at others.

Words are interesting because they don’t have any preference on how or for what purpose they are used.  They are amoral and only become positive or negative based solely on how we choose to wield them.

Look at the contrast between the attributes of positive and negative words:

Positive Words Negative Words
Encouraging Discouraging
Affirming Tearing down
Loving Hateful
Caring Hurtful
Compassionate Condemning
Healing Crushing
Life saving Hopeless
Enduring Enduring

 

Our words have an impact on people, especially on those closest to us.  And though they can be positive or negative, they are often not soon forgotten.

This underscores the importance of the awareness we should possess regarding the words we use and how we’re treating others with them.  Are we being careless with our words or are we using them to encourage and edify others?  If we could see a visual representation of the words we’re delivering to others would they resemble sticks, darts, clubs, and stones, or would they look more like a smile, a pat on the back, a high-five, and a hug?

We do have a choice regarding the words we use.  They leave our lips wrapped in our intentions.  Let’s intention to deliver positive words that bless others versus cursing them.  When we do, we’ll likely notice that the words we receive from others are kind and positive as well.

It’s Time to be Intentional

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How many times has a scenario similar to this happened to you?  You’re talking with a friend about something fun you’d both like to do and someone says, “That sounds fun!  We need to do that!”  You’re both genuinely interested in the event, and have every intention of scheduling a time to get together and make it happen.  But you get busy and the event, along with everyone’s excitement about it, gets pushed to the back of everyone’s mind, where it is soon forgotten until the next time you get together with this friend and the topic comes up again… and the cycle continues.

This was the same cycle me, my wife, sister, and brother-in-law have been in for several years regarding a day trip to Oregon’s Fruit Loop in the Hood River Valley.

Hood River Oregon is known for its agriculture, specifically apples, pears, and peaches.  (Once you’ve had a Honey Crisp apple from Kiyokawa Family Orchards you’ll be spoiled for life!  No other apple will ever compare.)  The Fruit Loop consists of a bunch of farms, orchards, and wineries in the area that sell produce and other regional goods they produce.  While the Fruit Loop is open most of the year, for my wife and I, fall is the best time to attend.

hoodriver

Anyhow, my wife, sister, brother-in-law and I finally decided that September 24, 2016 would be the day that the 4 of us would at last go to the Fruit Loop together.  It turned out to be a perfect day!  The weather was sunny and in the mid-70s with spectacular views of Mt. Hood and Mt. Adams.   We picked Honey Crisp apples right off the tree, sampled delicious seasonal fruit, along with jams, jellies, and pastries, and ended the day with a late lunch at Mt Hood’s Timberline Lodge.  A beautiful end to a fantastic day!

This trip reminded me about the importance of being intentional about making events like this happen.  It’s too easy to just say you want to get together with folks and do something special, and then never make it happen.  However, but I would argue that it’s also pretty easy to get out the calendar and pick a day make it happen.  Being intentional is not that hard.  Especially when we realize the positive impact it can have on our lives.

What about you?  Are there activities you’d like to do that you’re putting off for no good reason, or people you’ve been meaning to connect with that you never get around to putting on the calendar?  If so, I encourage you to go get your calendar or send an email to those you’ve been meaning to connect with and set a date to make it happen.

It’s time to stop being too busy and start being intentional.

Here’s Some Perspective

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Earlier this week I was involved in a long-term vision planning session at our church. I love strategy sessions like this, because any strategy session I’ve ever been a part of, be it for work, church, or family, has yielded a number of differing perspectives and ideas from the people assembled.  Never once has everyone in a group shown up with the exact same perspective.  In fact, if that were to ever happen, I’d assume that the wrong people had been assembled for the task.

Different perspectives are crucial in setting direction and strategy, or for making decisions that will impact a larger group of people.  However, they can cause tension and frustration, which isn’t a bad thing.  Group members just need to understand these key points regarding peoples’ perspectives:

  • The perspectives of others are just a real and true to them as our perspectives are to us. As a result, we shouldn’t be too quick to dismiss someone’s perspective simply because it doesn’t align with our own.
  • When we fail to consider the perspectives of others, we miss an opportunity to get a better understanding about how others within the larger group may be thinking. If on person has a particular perspective, it’s likely other do as well.
  • If we dismiss or ignore someone’s perspective in the decision making process, simply because it is different from ours, we can have a high degree of confidence that we will not be getting their buy-in to whatever decision is made.

We can learn a lot about people and groups of people when we listen with genuine interest to understand their perspective and where it comes from.  I think one of the highest honors we can pay someone is to listen to and seek to understand their perspective, even when we don’t agree with it at first.

The next time you are in a conversation where there are differing perspectives, don’t be too quick to dismiss the ones that don’t align with your own.  Instead, use the difference as an opportunity to gain some understanding as to where the other person is coming from. Not only will you possibly gain some new understanding, you’ll most likely be making a connection with a fellow human being as well.

Superman Wasn’t the Only One Affected by Kryptonite

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For Superman, Kryptonite was that one thing that rendered him ineffective and sapped all his strength and power.  For me, it’s shots, blood draws, and other minor medical procedures.

I don’t know what it is, but these things cause me to freak out.  And by “freak out”… I mean pass out!  No joke!  I’ve passed out after a tetanus shot, from having blood drawn for lab tests, and the worst of all, having my finger pricked for a health screening at work.  That just happened this Tuesday.  Fortunately for me the medical professionals I’ve been around during these occurrences have been very kind and understanding.  I hope they get a good laugh out of the experience as well!

My latest “adventure” Tuesday got me thinking:  I’ll bet everyone has their own form of Kryptonite they deal with.  It may not be shots or medical procedures.  Perhaps its public speaking, snakes, or even clowns (I’m surprised how many times people have told me they are really freaked out by clowns!).  Whatever it is, we’re not at our best when our Kryptonite is present.

I’m trying to respond better when my Kryptonite is present (translation:  trying not to pass out when I go to the doctor), but it’s proving challenging, as evidenced by last Tuesday.  For me, I’ve found that the best thing I can do when I’m around Kryptonite is to tell the safe people around me about it.  I have found that when folks know, they are compassionate and helpful.

I’ve also learned to be understanding of others when they experience their own form of Kryptonite.  No matter how silly or unreasonable their Kryptonite may seem to me; it’s very real to them.

I’ll admit, passing out over shots and having your finger pricked is kind of silly.  After the fact though, it makes for a funny story to share with others and always generates some laughs.  Sharing our Kryptonite experiences with someone else is also a great way to be vulnerable and build connection with others, especially when they’re sharing their Kryptonite stories with us.

Seeing Beauty

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My wife and I recently made a visit to Crater Lake National Park.  Although we had been there several times before, (we’re fortunate to live relatively close to this gem) I was once again captivated by the overwhelming beauty of this natural treasure.

Crater Lake

A video playing at the park’s Visitor Center described how the natural beauty of Crater Lake that we see today is the result of a very violent volcanic past.  A severe eruption of Mt. Mazama left the area looking like a “moonscape”, as described by the park video.  However, years of wind and weather have transformed the once barren site to the beautiful lake we see today.

The beauty of the lake is unmistakable.  It got me thinking that there are people who are a lot like Crater Lake.  Not that they have “off-the-charts” physical beauty, but rather they have beauty that comes from a decision to choose a positive response to a significant “eruption” in their own life experience.  For example, they choose to:

  • Be victorious versus defeated.
  • Focus on what they are grateful for versus what they’ve lost.
  • Encourage others facing the same or similar experience.
  • Live their life with purpose regardless of past circumstances.

These, and similar choices, to past “eruptions” in life make for a beautiful person.

Seeing physical beauty in nature, like Crater Lake, is easy.  However, seeing beauty as a result of people’s difficult life experience is not always as obvious.

As we’re interacting with others, let’s remember that we’re often not aware of what they have experienced in life.  And, if you’re ever blessed to have someone share their past “eruption” with you and how they have chosen a positive path forward… stand in awe at the beauty before you.