human relations

We Choose

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We get to choose how we respond to what life throws at us.  There’s a lot of responsibility that comes with that statement.  Regardless of whether our response is good or bad, we are the ones who chose the response.

While it’s easy to take credit for our good choices, it’s not as fun to acknowledge that our poor choices are just that… our choices.  In these cases, it’s often easier to blame our poor choices on those things that shift responsibility away from us.  Have you ever shifted responsibility for your choices with one of these excuses:

  • If they hadn’t <insert someone else’s behavior>
  • If only <insert circumstance>
  • I just can’t help myself
  • I’m so <insert emotion> that don’t feel like <insert the choice you know you should make>
  • I get so <insert emotion> that I just <insert the choice you know you shouldn’t make>

With this responsibility come freedom.  We have the freedom to choose a response that would lead to a desired outcome versus letting our emotions choose for us.

Waiting For Perfect

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I’m sure we’ve all been guilty of “waiting for perfect” before making a decision.  Perhaps we were waiting for the perfect scenario, circumstance, job, opportunity, or even person to show up before we committed to taking action.   In some cases, we might even be waiting for perfect from ourselves. 

This will come as no surprise: if we’re delaying action while we wait for perfect to arrive, we’ll be waiting a long time.

A better choice might be to consider good enough for now.

No, I’m not telling you to make bad choices, or to say “Yes” to dangerous or harmful people or things.  What I am suggesting is lifting the expectation of perfection in everything, and considering the very good possibilities that are now available.  You’ll find there are far more very good options than perfect ones.    

Lifting and Being Lifted

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I like encouraging people.  Whether it’s through letters, email, text, phone, in person, or through prayer, I love lifting people up.  What I’ve also been embracing the last few years is to let other people lift me up as well, especially through prayer. 

What this looks like for me is letting those close to me know what’s going on in my life.  How can someone encourage you if they don’t know what you’re facing? 

I didn’t use to do this much because I didn’t want to burden people with what I was facing.  I’ve realized that when I keep my life close to the vest, I keep others from experiencing the joy they would receive from lifting me up.   

Illuminating Words of Encouragement

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Our Sunday School class was having a group text conversation this week, encouraging one of our younger people, who is getting ready for some upcoming job interviews.  It was nice to hear those in the class, who have been in the workforce for decades, sharing their wisdom and encouragement. 

I always appreciate wisdom and encouragement from those who have gone somewhere before me.  Their words are like a bright flashlight illuminating an otherwise dark path. 

I am grateful for the illuminating words of encouragement from others.

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At a restaurant last weekend, I noticed a party of 4 (2 couples) get seated at a table near us.  Almost immediately after they were seated, one of the people pulled out their cell phone, propped it up, and began watching a football game.   Occasionally, this person would say something to other people at the table, but after they made their comment, their focus would return right back to their phone.

Wait, it gets better.

When half time arrived, this same person took an incoming call and began talking about the first half of the game with whomever called.  It was frustrating to watch.  I can imagine how unseen and unimportant this person’s dinner guests must have felt.  It never feels good to come in second place to a cell phone.

For me, I would much rather have a friend be honest and say something like, “Hey would you mind if we rescheduled dinner?  There’s a big game on that I’d really like to see, and I want to be present when we all go out to dinner together.” That would be so much better than to show up and have a friend tell you, through their actions, “I know you’re right in front of me, but right now, this game is more important to me than connecting with you.” 

The interaction I saw reminded me of the importance of being present with people, especially when we set aside time to be with them and connect with them.  To do otherwise is to send a message (perhaps unintentionally) that they aren’t that important to us.

Being Reminded By Music

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I was listening to a Spotify playlist at work this week when the song One Look by Alexis Ffrench featuring Leona Lewis came on.  It was a beautiful song about long-lasting love that came to an end at (I assumed) the passing of one of the people.  It’s one of those songs that left a mark long after it was over.

One Look reminded me of the inevitable end to the time I have with the people I love, especially with my wife.  It reminds me not to get frustrated by small insignificant things that seem like a a bigger deal in the moment than they really are.  It reminds me to choose to put love into action, which for me looks like 1 Cor 13. 

That’s one of my favorite things about music: how it can speak right to your heart and offer reminders, encouragement, or overwhelm you with gratitude.  I am grateful to have been reminded by music this week.

A Quick Thought On Bringing Up Concerns

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Have you ever been in a meeting or a conversation where you wanted to bring up a concern that you had, but you didn’t?  I think we’ve all experienced something like that.  I know I have. 

If we choose not bring up a concern when we have the opportunity to do so, it’s important to remember that we are then giving up our right to complain about it later.  

The Person We Become

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As 2024 approaches, and we start to think about goals and things we’d like to accomplish in the coming year, perhaps it would be good if we also spent some time thinking of the type of person we’d like to become in the new year. Perhaps when December 31, 2024 arrives, you’d like to be a person who:
  • Exercises daily
  • Saves a specified percentage of their income for retirement
  • Attends regularly attends church
  • Visits an aging parent once a month
  • Initiates outings with friends
  • Takes their child out to breakfast once a week to check in
  • Says “Yes” to new experiences and adventures
  • Reads X number of books a year
The list is endless as to the type of person we’d like to be.  However, what is important is deciding what type of person we want to be and take the steps monthly, weekly, and daily to become that kind of person on December 31, 2024. We’re going to become something by then end of 2024.  Let’s choose, by way of our behaviors, what kind of person we become versus waiting to see what kind of person we accidently turned in to.

An Abundant Life

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“I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” ~Jesus (John 10:10)

What makes for an abundant life?  When we think of abundance, it’s easy to consider only of material things: food, money, leisure activities.  While we can certainly have a life with an abundance of these things, I think there other, more important items that make for an abundant life.

As a Jesus-follower, when I think of what makes for an abundant life, I think of non-tangible things like: peace, joy, deep connection with friends and family, and contributing somewhere in a meaningful way, are just a few examples.  Even though these non-tangible items of abundance can be myriad, they can also be easily overlooked.

Take some time this Thanksgiving week to ponder the intangible items that bring abundance to your life, and perhaps even choose to invite more of these items into your life.  The abundance you seek is likely just a choice away.