happiness

Get This Decision Right

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Many of the choices we make don’t require a great deal of thought. For example deciding what you’re going to wear today, what you’re having for dinner, or where you want to go on vacation this year, while important, are not life changing decisions. If, in fact, you do make a bad decision in one of these areas, the consequences are pretty insignificant. (Your life isn’t going to change a great deal if you had chicken for dinner instead of salmon!) However, for those decisions where the stakes are much higher, we must make sure we’ve gathered sufficient information and given ample thought to our decision before we pull the trigger.

One of the most important decisions we make is the primary person we decide to do life with. Whether it’s a spouse, a life partner, or significant other, this person will have a very substantial role and impact in our life. As such, this type of relationship should be entered into slowly. Only after we’ve gathered significant experiences and information about the other person are we about to make a good decision.

If you’re currently in the process of making this decision about someone, before you decide, you should have answers to the following questions:

  • Do you know what your own goals and dreams are and what you, specifically, want out of life?
  • What are the other person’s goals and expectations from life? Do they align with yours?
  • What are the non-negotiable character traits and attributes you’re looking for in another person?
  • What are the non-negotiable character traits you are unwilling to settle for in another person?
  • How does this person align with the previous 2 questions?
  • No, really! How do they align?
  • What’s their worldview and outlook on life?
  • How does the other person handle conflict?
  • How do they handle money?
  • How do they treat other people?
  • How do they treat you?
  • How do they respond when life gets tough?
  • What guides them in how they make decisions and live their life?

The only way you will get answers to these questions is through conversation and time together. Lots of time together, so don’t be in a big hurry. The questions above are a list you can check off in a weekend, a week, or month. To really answer these questions, I think it’s important to observe someone for at least a year, if not longer.

Nothing will affect the quality of your life more that the primary person you decide to do life with, so spend the time to seriously answer these questions, lest you rush into a bad decision.

Putting Compounding To Work

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“Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world. Those who understand it, earn it… those who don’t… pay it.”  ~ Albert Einstein

When we invest money, the interest we earn on that money also earns interest for us.  Over years of consistent investing, the interest-earning-interest can wind up being a significant sum.  While we might not see big results right away, the impact of compounding will soon become significant. This is the concept of compounding interest.

Here’s thing about compounding that most people don’t realize… it’s just as effective in other areas of life beyond finance.

The healthy habits we intentionally develop, and continue to practice year over year, yield desired results.

  • A healthy diet yields good health
  • Healthy spending habits yield control over your finances
  • Healthy saving and investing habits yield financial freedom
  • Continuous learning exposes you to new ideas and fresh perspectives

Here’s one more thing most people may not realize about compounding… it can also work against you.  Compounding is not limited to yielding increasingly good results.  Our bad habits, practiced year over year, can unintentionally yield undesirable results.

  • A bad diet yields poor health
  • Poor spending habits yields a consistent lack of money and debt
  • Failure to save and invest yields financial insecurity and potentially poverty
  • Deciding not to learn lead to becoming stagnant, outdated, and irrelevant

The most important thing we can know about compounding is that it will do its work in our life whether we invite it to or not.  The most important thing we can do with regard to compounding it to make sure we’re putting it to work for us.

ACTION:  Develop and regularly practice the habits that will compound to bring you the results you seek.

Giving Attention

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Here’s a quick mental exercise. See if you can think of an area of your life that gets better instead of worse as a result of being neglected. Here my attempt at a list and whether or not these areas get better when neglected:

  • Relationships – No
  • Health – No
  • Finances – No
  • Career – No
  • Family – No
  • Personal development – No
  • Possessions – No
  • Outlook on life – No
  • A garden of wild weed – Yes

Most areas of our life don’t get better as a result of neglect, they usually get worse. I know, that’s obvious, but here’s what may not be so obvious. While we may not intentionally decide to neglect an important area of our life, neglect is what happens when we fail to give something our attention.

To make something better, or to at least keep it good, requires our effort and attention. With so many things clamoring for our attention it’s essential that we purposefully give attention to those important areas of our life, lest they be unintentionally neglected.

A Post Election Reminder

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The 2018 mid-term elections are over (thank goodness!). While I don’t know whether you’re happy with the results or not, I do want to make you aware of a very important person who is still in power… YOU.

YOU are the person with the power to create the life you desire. No political party, or person in office has more power to positively impact your life than YOU do.

So no matter who “won” politically as a result of the election, YOU still retain power over yourself and your choices.

Let’s use that power wisely.

Unexpected Opportunities

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On Thursday my wife sent me an email letting me know that my mom was having some people over for dinner that night. One of the people attending was a person from Guatemala that my mom thought my wife and I would be interested in meeting, so she invited us to join them for dinner. My initial thought was to say no for a bunch of lame reasons, (it’s been a long week, I’ve got stuff to do, blah, blah, blah). Fortunately for me, my brain saw this as an unexpected opportunity that I shouldn’t pass up.

I’m always interested in meeting folks and hearing some of their story (everyone has a story!!), especially if they come from a different background, country, or culture than I do. The person from Guatemala is the daughter of a pastor, who happens to lead a Guatemalan church in the same denomination as the church we attend. Already had some common ground for good conversation! So I emailed my wife back and told her to let my mom know we’d be there for dinner.

An unexpected opportunity to meet someone different from me lands in my lap on Thursday and I was about to say, “No”. What would I gain by staying home, except for some free time? As I thought about it, I realized that I get a lot more opportunities for free time than I do to meet an interesting person with a common interest.

This experience reminded me that I’m trying to take advantage of opportunities that present themselves. It’s too easy to automatically settle for our routine and, as a result, let these unexpected opportunities go by. That’s a great way to maintain a routine, but it’s no way to live an exciting life.

The dinner and the conversation on Thursday was a lot of fun! I’m so glad that I went and didn’t settle for the perceived comfort of my routine. There is a lot that happens when we step outside of our routines.

Several Little Things

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We’ve all seen stories about people who achieve a remarkable feat like living to 100 years of age, being married over 50 years, building a successful business, or a number of other worthy accomplishments. Invariably, these people are asked, “So what’s the secret of your success? What did you do to achieve what you have?” Usually people respond with one or two things that they attribute to their success.

I don’t think that’s quite accurate. Very rarely is success achieved by doing just 1 thing. Success in any venture is often the result of consistently doing several little things.

Here’s what got me thinking about this…

Earlier this week I went to see the doctor for my annual physical (Good times!!). Everything looked good and my doctor told me I was doing a good job with regard to my health. At one point he asked me what I do to maintain good health. I responded with something like exercise and drink water. After I left the doctor’s office I realized that good health is achieved by more than just exercise. In addition, it’s important to also:

  • Eat a healthy diet
  • Avoid alcohol and drugs
  • Get the proper amount of sleep every night
  • Avoid excess sugar consumption
  • Fill your mind with positive content
  • Reduce wasting significant time with your face buried in a computer/phone screen
  • Take the stairs instead of the elevator
  • Spend time with people who charge you up
  • Spend time reading instead of watching TV
  • Continually learn new skills
  • Regularly get out of your comfort zone
  • Do some physical activity every day

And that’s just the start!

It’s not just one thing that causes people to be successful. It’s the discipline to consistently do the little things that move you toward success.

Is there something you’d like to achieve in your life? If so, the best way to make progress is to consistently do the little things that seem to have no immediate impact. Begin doing those little things as part of your daily routine and you’ll be amazed at the progress you can make in a month, year, decade, or lifetime.

Work Before Play

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I love weekends! After a busy week of work, it’s nice to spend the weekend playing. To ensure I get the most out of each weekend, there are 2 tasks I like to have completed before I go to bed on Thursday evenings. They are:

  1. Mow the lawn, when seasonally applicable
  2. Have my weekly blog post written and scheduled to post

The reason I like these tasks done by Thursday evening is because I enjoy the feeling when I arrive home Friday night to a freshly mowed lawn knowing that my weekly blog post is already completed and teed up to be posted on Saturday morning. Since I’ve already done this work, I don’t have to waste precious time on the weekend to complete them.

There’s something satisfying to me to go into a weekend, or on vacation, or to an event knowing that I don’t have a bunch of unfinished tasks waiting for me when it’s over. A little work ahead of time sets me up mentally for stress free enjoyment of whatever it is I’m doing.

I’ll admit that it takes a little planning and discipline to get work done before playing. However, it’s not hard to find the motivation when you realize that if work is handled first, you won’t have to cut the fun short in order to do the work that wasn’t completed ahead of time.

Are there areas of your life where you could benefit from getting your work done before playing? If so, make the effort to successfully get your work done first. Then, get out and enjoy yourself without the burden of uncompleted work in the back of your mind.

Face It 

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We’ve had a busy week at our house.  One filled with unpleasant trips the dentist and unexpected visits to the veterinarian for a sick cat.  Neither of these events has been very enjoyable, but what they’ve lacked in joy, they’ve made up for in unexpected expenses!  Regardless, unexpected events are a part of life, and when they occur, we have a choice.  We can run from them, ignore them, or face them.

Unexpected events, especially when more than one of them occurs at the same time, can feel overwhelming.  When we’re overwhelmed we may feel like ignoring or putting off what we know we need to do.  While this may sound good in the short term, failing to act only prolongs the situation.  I think it’s best to face it and take the action we know we need to take.  It’s ok to be overwhelmed, and nothing says we have to enjoy unpleasant experiences, but after we’ve had a moment or two to be feel overwhelmed, it’s time to face it.

The best way to get through a bad situation is to face it and start moving toward a solution.

Enhancing the Experience

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My wife and I were extremely excited to see the production of Hamilton when it came to Portland Oregon earlier this year. One thing that enhanced our enjoyment of the production was the preparation we did prior to seeing the show.

About a year before Hamilton came to town, we began listening to the soundtrack and getting familiar with the story. We also did some additional research like reading books about Alexander Hamilton and early American history, as well as watching documentaries about his life. By the time the show arrived, we were eagerly expecting it and had learned a tremendous deal. The effort we put into learning about the Alexander Hamilton greatly enhanced our enjoyment of the performance.

I think there are a lot of ways we can prepare for experiences that will enhance our enjoyment of them. For instance, we can:

  • Learn about the history and attractions of a new location prior to traveling or moving there.
  • Research an employer and its employees before a job interview.
  • Read about how to effectively communicate with others in social settings.
  • Maintain good physical health so we can enjoy physical opportunities that come our way.
  • Spend time practicing before a public performance, whether it’s playing an instrument, giving a speech or a presentation.
  • Find out what is of interest to people you spend time with and be aware of that the next time you see them.

I’ve found that a little preparation enhances most experiences. To put it another way: I’ve never been disappointed that I spent time preparing for an experience.

Are there any upcoming experiences you have that you’d like to potentially enhance? If so, invest some time preparing yourself to get the most out of that experience. A little preparation will make the difference between a good experience and a great one.

Homework For A Divided World

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It seems like much of the world is divided, distrustful, and fearful of one another.  It’s evident on the evening news, in social media, and out in public.  But does it have to be like this?  Is this really the type of world we have to live in?  I don’t think so.

So how do we start to change the culture of our communities, our countries, and our world?

I was at a black history month event on Tuesday evening when I heard someone give their answer to this question.  Simply put, they said, “Get to know someone who is different from you.”  I love this response because it is so simple, yet so significant.

When we earnestly get to know someone different from us, with the motivation to understand them better, we become less fearful and distrustful of them, because we now have a frame of reference.  It’s easy to fear and distrust what we don’t know or have never come in contact with.

Here’s an interesting thought to ponder:  There is probably someone who is fearful of you, because you are different from them.  Wouldn’t it be great if we could alleviate the fear in others simply by being open, welcoming ambassadors of whatever group we represent?

Here’s some life-long homework for all of us:

  1. Get in the habit of regularly interacting with someone who is different from you.
  2. Become a welcoming ambassador for whatever group you represent.

We can either increase fear or distrust in ourselves and others, or we can do our best to decrease these feelings by doing our homework.

The world could use a lot less fear and distrust among its inhabitants.  Let’s all make sure to get our homework done.