happiness

Make An Effort First

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It’s easy to make statements declaring that we aren’t good at something, for instance, “I’m not good at remembering peoples’ names.” While that might be true, before making such declarations we should first ask ourselves, “Have I made an effort?”

This may not seem like a big deal with regard to remembering name, but the implications are much higher when, without even trying we state things like:

  • I’m not good at…
  • I’m not smart enough to…
  • I’d never be able to…

Let’s not be so quick to put lids on our potential with these limiting beliefs.  Sure, it’s easier to make declarations of our perceived incompetencies than it is to make an effort at becoming competent.  However, these declarations come at a high price as they keep us living small, unchallenged, stagnant lives.

Before deciding all the things we aren’t, let’s make an effort first to find out what we are.

Waiting For Perfect

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I’m sure we’ve all been guilty of “waiting for perfect” before making a decision.  Perhaps we were waiting for the perfect scenario, circumstance, job, opportunity, or even person to show up before we committed to taking action.   In some cases, we might even be waiting for perfect from ourselves. 

This will come as no surprise: if we’re delaying action while we wait for perfect to arrive, we’ll be waiting a long time.

A better choice might be to consider good enough for now.

No, I’m not telling you to make bad choices, or to say “Yes” to dangerous or harmful people or things.  What I am suggesting is lifting the expectation of perfection in everything, and considering the very good possibilities that are now available.  You’ll find there are far more very good options than perfect ones.    

Lifting and Being Lifted

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I like encouraging people.  Whether it’s through letters, email, text, phone, in person, or through prayer, I love lifting people up.  What I’ve also been embracing the last few years is to let other people lift me up as well, especially through prayer. 

What this looks like for me is letting those close to me know what’s going on in my life.  How can someone encourage you if they don’t know what you’re facing? 

I didn’t use to do this much because I didn’t want to burden people with what I was facing.  I’ve realized that when I keep my life close to the vest, I keep others from experiencing the joy they would receive from lifting me up.   

Illuminating Words of Encouragement

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Our Sunday School class was having a group text conversation this week, encouraging one of our younger people, who is getting ready for some upcoming job interviews.  It was nice to hear those in the class, who have been in the workforce for decades, sharing their wisdom and encouragement. 

I always appreciate wisdom and encouragement from those who have gone somewhere before me.  Their words are like a bright flashlight illuminating an otherwise dark path. 

I am grateful for the illuminating words of encouragement from others.

Extending Silence

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Our church just got through a 21-day fasting exercise.  To participate, you decide on something to give up during the 21 days, in order to focus your attention on God.  For me, I decided to give up listening to podcasts and audiobook, except for the time at the gym in the morning.  It was a good practice, that I even decided to extend beyond the initial 21 days.

For the last several months, I’ve been working at being intentional about having moments of silence and solitude.  The reason I picked podcasts and audiobooks for our fasting exercise was because I have a habit of filling blank space.  Whether it’s while I’m doing choses, cooking, having breakfast, or any other time I’m not with someone, I would automatically put on a podcast or listen to an audiobook. 

While neither of these things are bad, I realized during the fast that amount of time I was listening to them was keeping me from moments of silence where I could just be, contemplate, or even pray.  Going without them for 21 days showed me what it was like to slow down and enjoy the moments of silence.

Even though the fast is over, I have still been intentional not to default to audiobooks and podcasts, but rather to be intentional about extending the silence I have been experiencing.  I think there’s room in my life for both.  I just need to make sure I don’t skew too much toward a lack of silence.

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At a restaurant last weekend, I noticed a party of 4 (2 couples) get seated at a table near us.  Almost immediately after they were seated, one of the people pulled out their cell phone, propped it up, and began watching a football game.   Occasionally, this person would say something to other people at the table, but after they made their comment, their focus would return right back to their phone.

Wait, it gets better.

When half time arrived, this same person took an incoming call and began talking about the first half of the game with whomever called.  It was frustrating to watch.  I can imagine how unseen and unimportant this person’s dinner guests must have felt.  It never feels good to come in second place to a cell phone.

For me, I would much rather have a friend be honest and say something like, “Hey would you mind if we rescheduled dinner?  There’s a big game on that I’d really like to see, and I want to be present when we all go out to dinner together.” That would be so much better than to show up and have a friend tell you, through their actions, “I know you’re right in front of me, but right now, this game is more important to me than connecting with you.” 

The interaction I saw reminded me of the importance of being present with people, especially when we set aside time to be with them and connect with them.  To do otherwise is to send a message (perhaps unintentionally) that they aren’t that important to us.

Being Reminded By Music

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I was listening to a Spotify playlist at work this week when the song One Look by Alexis Ffrench featuring Leona Lewis came on.  It was a beautiful song about long-lasting love that came to an end at (I assumed) the passing of one of the people.  It’s one of those songs that left a mark long after it was over.

One Look reminded me of the inevitable end to the time I have with the people I love, especially with my wife.  It reminds me not to get frustrated by small insignificant things that seem like a a bigger deal in the moment than they really are.  It reminds me to choose to put love into action, which for me looks like 1 Cor 13. 

That’s one of my favorite things about music: how it can speak right to your heart and offer reminders, encouragement, or overwhelm you with gratitude.  I am grateful to have been reminded by music this week.

Something Different

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The next time you’re trying to decide where to go out to eat, what movie to go see, or what to do over the weekend, perhaps consider trying something different.

It’s easy to default to the familiar or the “safe” choice, but new adventures, and perhaps new favorites, are potentially on the other side of a decision to try something different.

The Person We Become

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As 2024 approaches, and we start to think about goals and things we’d like to accomplish in the coming year, perhaps it would be good if we also spent some time thinking of the type of person we’d like to become in the new year. Perhaps when December 31, 2024 arrives, you’d like to be a person who:
  • Exercises daily
  • Saves a specified percentage of their income for retirement
  • Attends regularly attends church
  • Visits an aging parent once a month
  • Initiates outings with friends
  • Takes their child out to breakfast once a week to check in
  • Says “Yes” to new experiences and adventures
  • Reads X number of books a year
The list is endless as to the type of person we’d like to be.  However, what is important is deciding what type of person we want to be and take the steps monthly, weekly, and daily to become that kind of person on December 31, 2024. We’re going to become something by then end of 2024.  Let’s choose, by way of our behaviors, what kind of person we become versus waiting to see what kind of person we accidently turned in to.

Noticing

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Here in the Pacific Northwest the Thanksgiving weekend is shaping up to be sunny and cool, with temperatures in the 50s. The skies are a bright blue, and the lingering fall colors are a wonderful display of bright reds, oranges, and yellows. It’s a beautiful scene!

I’m well aware that the gray rainy days that define this part of the country are not far away. With that thought in mind, I want to make sure that I’m not only taking advantage of these sunny days, but also stopping and actually noticing them. It’s far too easy to get tunnel vision and focus only on our routines and daily tasks and miss the beauty that’s happening around us.

Whether it’s a beautiful day or the people around you, take time to slow down and actually notice them as the main even versus simply background displays or noise. There’s much to be noticed and appreciated by those who slow down enough to see it.