friendship

Lift Or Limit

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As I was journaling this morning, I was reminded how our self-talk can limit or lift how we see ourselves.  Think about that, the words you tell yourself, about yourself (whether audibly or simply thought), have a direct impact on how you feel and think about who you are.

Taking this thought a little further, what we think/feel, about ourselves, will influence our actions.  And, the actions we consistently take are what shapes the lives we ultimately build for ourselves.

The question that feels like it needs to be asked is, “Do you like what you’ve built?” 

If your answer is, “Yes”, great!  However, if your answer is, “No”, it might be reflecting on you’ve talking to yourself to discern if there’s any negative thoughts or talk you’ve regularly had with yourself.

It might even be time to start a new, positive conversation with yourself… because you’re worth it.

A Changed Perspective

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Last night my wife and I went to a presentation/story telling session on homelessness in our community.  There were 4 different people, that either were, or currently are, experiencing homelessness.  It was an eye-opening look at homelessness from the perspective of people who have (or are) living it.

The first person to speak said that the 2 primary causes of homelessness are a lack of empathy (the feeling that no one cares or understands) and/or broken relationship.  The other speakers, knowing it or not, confirmed this statement through their stories about how they became homeless. 

If you would have asked me before the presentation, what I thought the 2 main causes of homelessness was, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have picked a lack of empathy or broken relationships.  I probably would have said something like drugs, or mental illness.  From what I heard last night, it seems like those things came a little further downstream. 

Suppose lack of empathy and broken relationships are, indeed, the primary causes of homelessness.  If so, doesn’t it seem like human connection and compassion would go a long way in preventing homelessness?  It seems like the most important place for these antidotes is in our homes, and with our families and friends.  It also seems like there are no boundaries with regard to where human connection and compassion would not be beneficial. 

The presentation not only changed my perspective on homelessness, it also gave me much to think about regarding what I do with what I heard.  I’m thankful that others are willing to share their story, in order to provide a perspective, I might not have. 

Follow Through On Intentions

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I was really impressed with something our pastor did in church last Sunday.  As I was reflecting on it later in the day I thought, “I should send him a hand-written note and tell him how much I appreciated what he did.”  That’s a good intention.  However, as the week got busier, I could feel my intention slipping to the back burner toward inaction.  If I didn’t do something, the likelihood that this intention would ever bloom into realized action, was not looking good.

So last night I just decided (and actually followed through) that I was not going to do anything else until I got the note written and put it in an addressed envelope with a stamp.  As I type this, the note is in the care of the USPS and on its way to the recipient. 

When we have a good intention, we should honor that intention by taking the necessary action to bring it to life.  Not only will be feel good about following through on our good intention, we’ll hopefully be blessing someone else as well.

Division

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Think, for a moment, of all the things that people can have differing opinions about.  The list is endless!  Topics range from volatile ones like pollical leaning and religion to more innocuous ones like music preference, being a morning or evening person, or your favorite flavor of ice cream. 

Now think of the people you know.  How many of them do you have the exact same opinions on every topic with?  Zero?  Yeah, me too.

With so many things to be divided over, it’s important that we are mindful of what we actually allow to drive wedges in our relationships.  Do we really want to shut someone down or vilify them over minor differences?  Do we really want our radars up looking for reasons to be divided, versus looking for what unites us?  Do we want others looking us with an eye toward division?

Leading with an eye toward division comes with a high price.  We miss out on opportunities to learn more about others.  In some cases, we drive wedges between those closest to over insignificant differences.  What a sad realization it would be to look back on such a life, and see all the division we’ve created, because all we were seeing were differences versus people.

Forgiveness

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This week’s post is simple:  If you need to ask someone for forgiveness, do it immediately.  I had a choice to do that this week.

This week, a great friend of mine pointed out a behavior to me that falls well below my personal standards.  It wasn’t terribly easy to hear, but I could recognize the truth in what he said.  As I pondered his words later that day, I got the Holy Spirit prompting that I needed to ask this friend for forgiveness.

We have a choice when we know we need to ask for forgiveness.  We can either do it (obey the prompting of the Holy Spirit for Jesus followers) or make excuses why we don’t need to seek forgiveness.  In these situations, our excuses not to seek forgiveness are usually just lame excused to protect our pride.

I am blessed that my friend gave me forgiveness.  When I think about it, had I instead chosen to protect my pride (which is easy for me to do!), it could have cost me a dear friend.  In my book, that was far too high a price to pay.

I tell you that to encourage you to seek forgiveness when you know it’s what you need to do, so that you don’t wind up making a relationally costly mistake. 

Different Lives

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As part of my kick off to the shorter days and darker nights of the fall season, I’ve begun reading a couple hours in the evening before bed most weeknights. The last 2 books I’ve read have been autobiographies, and from them, I’ve been reminded (of the obvious) that people have different backgrounds and experiences than I have.

The first book I read was from a man whose father was Nigerian and whose mother was from Kansas.  The focus of the book was on the influences of the 7 “fathers” this man had in his life that shaped and mentored him into the person he is today. 

The second book (that I’m actually still reading) is about the bass player for the band Guns N Roses, and his journey through music, drugs, addition, and recovery.  Let’s just say that this guy had a wild ride!

What I appreciate about both of these books is that they gave me a glimpse into another person’s life.  From that, I see how their experiences, fears, and desires influenced their thought process, and, ultimately, the choices they made, both when they were younger, and now that they’re older.

When I learn about the experiences, challenges, and struggles other people have faced, whether directly from them, or reading about it in a book, I find that it causes me to be less judgmental, especially when I don’t know their story.  It’s easy to cast judgement through the filter of my own experiences.  Occasionally, those judgements are correct.  More often though, I realize that things aren’t usually as black and white as my experience would say that they are.  I find that my initial snap judgements are often unwarranted, due to my lack of understanding and consideration of their experiences.

I’m grateful for opportunities to learn more about peoples’ lives, either through books or in person.     

Reconnecting

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On June 11th, I wrote a post titled, “Simply Reconnecting”.  At the end of the post, I mentioned that I was going to reconnect with my friend Dave.  Well, a couple of days ago, we got together for a visit.  We met at 3:30 in the afternoon and we didn’t say “good bye”, until just before 10:00 PM.  The time flew by. 

I hadn’t seen Dave for 6 years, but as soon as we sat down, we picked up right where we left off.  It was so much fun to reconnect and catch up on what we’ve each been up to.  At one point, Dave was talking about how much he enjoys observing someone who is excellent at what they do, regardless of their occupation.  At that point, I thought to myself, “That’s why I like Dave.  He’s my kind of person”.

If you have a friend you’ve been meaning to get in touch with, I’d recommend you do that immediately.  While there’s nothing to be gained by waiting, there is tremendous blessing in connecting today.

On Apologizes

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This week, I had an interaction with someone where I could have behaved better than I did. What I knew I needed to do was offer an apology. Here’s the thing, when we know we need to make an apology: we can come up with all sorts of reasons not to.

It’s no different for me either. In fact, I was running through several reasons why I didn’t need to make the apology. My lame excused ranged from, “They probably don’t even remember the incident” to “I’ve got other things I need to be doing” to every other excuse in between. I told you they were lame.

In the end, I made the apology before my workday started. I decided it was, indeed, important and needed to be done. The person who I apologized to was gracious and said that they appreciated it.

All that to say, if you owe someone an apology, make it. Don’t wait, or put it off, or think of reasons to keep from doing it, because the person you owe the apology to deserves it.

Simply Reconnecting

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In the last couple of weeks, I’ve had some really nice encounters with friends I haven’t seen in a few years.  It reminds me how quick time goes and how easy it is to lose touch with someone.  It also reminds me that it’s also easy to reconnect.

My friend Bob, that I used to work with several years ago, reached out via email earlier this week to see if my email address was still good and what I was up to.  Per Bob’s suggestion, we’ll be meeting up for lunch next week to reconnect and catch up.  I really admire Bob’s initiative to simply send an email suggest going to lunch.  I’m so grateful that he did, and I can’t wait to see him.

Bob’s initiative got me thinking who I should reach out to and reconnect.  Perhaps his initiative has you thinking about a friend you’ve lost touch with that you can reconnect with too.  I encourage you to do like Bob did and simply send an email or make a phone call and reconnect.

I’ll be following Bob’s lead and texting my friend Dave after I submit this post.  It will be good to reconnect with him too.      

Small Talk

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During a conversation last week, the topic of small talk came up, and the consensus from most people in the group was that they didn’t like small talk and would rather not engage in it.  It was interesting to me, because I use to feel this same way many moons ago, until I realized how significant small talk is in forming connections with others.

Small talk with folks you don’t know can sometimes feel like you’re just talking for the sake of talking, with nothing of any real importance to say.  That’s how I viewed it until I realized that small talk are the planks in a bridge that lead to deeper connection and conversations.  Think about it, when was the last time you met someone and immediately jumped into a deep and meaningful conversation right off the bat?  It usually doesn’t work that way for me, but I’m open to the idea that maybe I’m doing something wrong. 

Based on my own experience, most conversations I’ve had with people I’ve just met are a series of comments and questions and listening in an effort to find common ground that a more enjoyable conversation can be built on.  I look at it like fly fishing.  You throw something out (like the weather, career, what they/you did last weekend, where they/you live) and see what you get.  I’m amazed how often small talk leads to a “bite”. 

So, the next time you find yourself engaged in small talk, instead of telling yourself the same story about how much you don’t like it, instead think of yourself on a “connection fishing expedition”.  Who knows, you just might land a big one!