friendship

Lifting and Being Lifted

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I like encouraging people.  Whether it’s through letters, email, text, phone, in person, or through prayer, I love lifting people up.  What I’ve also been embracing the last few years is to let other people lift me up as well, especially through prayer. 

What this looks like for me is letting those close to me know what’s going on in my life.  How can someone encourage you if they don’t know what you’re facing? 

I didn’t use to do this much because I didn’t want to burden people with what I was facing.  I’ve realized that when I keep my life close to the vest, I keep others from experiencing the joy they would receive from lifting me up.   

Illuminating Words of Encouragement

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Our Sunday School class was having a group text conversation this week, encouraging one of our younger people, who is getting ready for some upcoming job interviews.  It was nice to hear those in the class, who have been in the workforce for decades, sharing their wisdom and encouragement. 

I always appreciate wisdom and encouragement from those who have gone somewhere before me.  Their words are like a bright flashlight illuminating an otherwise dark path. 

I am grateful for the illuminating words of encouragement from others.

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At a restaurant last weekend, I noticed a party of 4 (2 couples) get seated at a table near us.  Almost immediately after they were seated, one of the people pulled out their cell phone, propped it up, and began watching a football game.   Occasionally, this person would say something to other people at the table, but after they made their comment, their focus would return right back to their phone.

Wait, it gets better.

When half time arrived, this same person took an incoming call and began talking about the first half of the game with whomever called.  It was frustrating to watch.  I can imagine how unseen and unimportant this person’s dinner guests must have felt.  It never feels good to come in second place to a cell phone.

For me, I would much rather have a friend be honest and say something like, “Hey would you mind if we rescheduled dinner?  There’s a big game on that I’d really like to see, and I want to be present when we all go out to dinner together.” That would be so much better than to show up and have a friend tell you, through their actions, “I know you’re right in front of me, but right now, this game is more important to me than connecting with you.” 

The interaction I saw reminded me of the importance of being present with people, especially when we set aside time to be with them and connect with them.  To do otherwise is to send a message (perhaps unintentionally) that they aren’t that important to us.

Being Reminded By Music

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I was listening to a Spotify playlist at work this week when the song One Look by Alexis Ffrench featuring Leona Lewis came on.  It was a beautiful song about long-lasting love that came to an end at (I assumed) the passing of one of the people.  It’s one of those songs that left a mark long after it was over.

One Look reminded me of the inevitable end to the time I have with the people I love, especially with my wife.  It reminds me not to get frustrated by small insignificant things that seem like a a bigger deal in the moment than they really are.  It reminds me to choose to put love into action, which for me looks like 1 Cor 13. 

That’s one of my favorite things about music: how it can speak right to your heart and offer reminders, encouragement, or overwhelm you with gratitude.  I am grateful to have been reminded by music this week.

An Abundant Life

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“I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” ~Jesus (John 10:10)

What makes for an abundant life?  When we think of abundance, it’s easy to consider only of material things: food, money, leisure activities.  While we can certainly have a life with an abundance of these things, I think there other, more important items that make for an abundant life.

As a Jesus-follower, when I think of what makes for an abundant life, I think of non-tangible things like: peace, joy, deep connection with friends and family, and contributing somewhere in a meaningful way, are just a few examples.  Even though these non-tangible items of abundance can be myriad, they can also be easily overlooked.

Take some time this Thanksgiving week to ponder the intangible items that bring abundance to your life, and perhaps even choose to invite more of these items into your life.  The abundance you seek is likely just a choice away. 

When It’s Someone You Know

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One of the values at my church is personal connection with others.  The saying that goes along with this value is, “Because everything changes when it’s someone you know.”  I’ve found that to be true.

Our experiences shape our worldview, which makes sense.  However, our worldview is limited when seen strictly through the lens of our own experience.   When I connect with others and learn about their experiences, and hear their story, my worldview can change.  I can be changed in how I see the world based on someone else’s experience.

I have never been depressed, or homeless.  I have never been a parent or suffered with anxiety.  I have never owned a business or been responsible for making payroll.  But I know people who have, who have shared their experiences with me.  My thinking has changed on many topics as a result of knowing people and their experience. 

What a great way to broaden our worldview!  By seeing and connecting with people, we can learn how others experiencing the world around them, and possibly gain an understanding we didn’t have before.

Because everything changes when it’s someone you know.

What Made It Great

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Before I left on a fishing trip to Alaska last week, my wife asked me an interesting question: “What would make this a great trip?”  One could argue that the number and size of the fish we caught would make the trip great.  Perhaps coupling the catch with good weather would also be a good metric for the greatness of a trip.  My response, however had nothing to do with the fish or weather. 

Numbers and size of fish in Alaska are kind of a given.  That’s why people go there to fish.  There’s not much you can do to control the weather, so it seems strange to make that a barometer for greatness.  My answer was, to deepen relationships and create fun memories with the friends I went with, and to connect with the other people that would be there as well.

I’m happy to report that both things happened.  It was fun building memories with my friends over an activity we all like to do.  In addition, the other visitors at the lodge were enjoyable people and fun to connect with over coffee/tea before breakfast, dinner, and while on the rivers fishing.  It’s amazing to me how people who are total strangers one week, can have connection and several good memories the following week!

I’m always encouraged by how much similarity and connection we have with others when we spend time getting to know them.  It’s fun getting to know people and to have others get to know you as well.

When my wife picked me up at the airport, she asked, “How was your trip?”  To which I replied, “It was a GREAT trip!” 

Time Well Spent

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When my wife and I go away for a weekend, we usually like to get home around mid-afternoon on Sunday.  This gives us plenty of time to unpack, do chores, and ease into the upcoming workweek.  Last Sunday, we didn’t get home from our weekend away until 9:30 PM, and we’re glad we did.

As I mentioned in my previous post, we scheduled some time during our trip last weekend to see a friend on Sunday.  What was originally a couple hours together for lunch evolved into a whole day!  We all had a great day together that we will remember for many years.

If my wife and I were unwilling to deviate from our normal practice of getting home mid-afternoon, we would have missed an opportunity to spend a memorable day connecting with our friend.   We chose to spend our Sunday afternoon hours connecting, and it was time well spent.

Making Time

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My wife and I are going Ashland Oregon soon, to see some plays at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival.  We’ve been there before, and enjoy seeing the excellent plays the festival has.  This year, we’re making time for something different.

A friend of ours recently moved to the area, so we contacted them to see if they’d be interested in getting together while we’re there.  They’re interested, so we’ll be getting together with them.  We’re all looking forward to seeing each other.

For me, it’s easy to think, “We’re too busy” or “They’re probably too busy” and therefore not make time to spend with others.  However, my wife and I have both been working at making time for opportunities to connect with others.  Yes, it takes more work, but it has always proven to be worth it.  It reminds me that connection with others doesn’t just happen.  We need to make time for it.

Being Aware

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This is the first year that the place I work is observing Juneteenth.  As I’ve learned more about what this holiday stands for, I’m reminded of the struggles and challenges that people have faced in the past.  I’m also reminded that most people around me are currently facing their own struggles and challenges today.

Think of all the people you cross paths with in a day.  Now consider the challenges they could be facing, that we aren’t even aware of.  A small list of possibilities might include:

  • Significant health issues
  • Trouble raising children
  • Financial concerns
  • Depression
  • Strained relationships
  • Mental health issues
  • Physical limitations
  • Loss of a loved one
  • Loss of hope
  • Loss of control
  • Social injustice
  • Isolation
  • Greif of what is
  • Greif of what never will be
  • Broken dreams
  • Broken promises
  • Perceived lack of purpose
  • Perceived lack of worth
  • Perception that they would not be missed if they were not here

It’s quite possible that someone reading this post is facing one or more of the challenges above.  Perhaps even you.  If so, wouldn’t if be affirming to have someone acknowledge the challenge you’re facing, and to do so without judgement, condemnation, or pithy platitudes? 

Here’s the good news:  we can be that for other people.  We can acknowledge when others are struggling.  We can offer a kind word, or perhaps no words at all, and just an arm around your shoulder.  There may be times where action is required from us to assist someone with a challenge, but I think the best place to start is with understanding, compassion, and grace toward our fellow humans.

Isn’t that what we’d want from others?