Before You Say No

My cousins were in town this week, and Thursday evening one of them text me to see if I’d be available for lunch on Friday.  My first thought was that I would be working that day.  After about 2 seconds I said, “Lunch sounds great!”  We all had a great time.

I share that little story as a reminder not to be too quick to say, “No”.  We can always find reasons not to do something, but we can just as well find reasons to engage, especially when it has to do with building relationships. 

In 10 years, I won’t remember what I would have done at work for those couple of hour, if I had said “No” to lunch with my cousins.  However, I’ll never forget the time we had.

I made a good choice!

A Changed Perspective

Last night my wife and I went to a presentation/story telling session on homelessness in our community.  There were 4 different people, that either were, or currently are, experiencing homelessness.  It was an eye-opening look at homelessness from the perspective of people who have (or are) living it.

The first person to speak said that the 2 primary causes of homelessness are a lack of empathy (the feeling that no one cares or understands) and/or broken relationship.  The other speakers, knowing it or not, confirmed this statement through their stories about how they became homeless. 

If you would have asked me before the presentation, what I thought the 2 main causes of homelessness was, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have picked a lack of empathy or broken relationships.  I probably would have said something like drugs, or mental illness.  From what I heard last night, it seems like those things came a little further downstream. 

Suppose lack of empathy and broken relationships are, indeed, the primary causes of homelessness.  If so, doesn’t it seem like human connection and compassion would go a long way in preventing homelessness?  It seems like the most important place for these antidotes is in our homes, and with our families and friends.  It also seems like there are no boundaries with regard to where human connection and compassion would not be beneficial. 

The presentation not only changed my perspective on homelessness, it also gave me much to think about regarding what I do with what I heard.  I’m thankful that others are willing to share their story, in order to provide a perspective, I might not have. 

Ask For Help

Here’s a simple thought that can yield significant results:  when you’re stuck, ask for help.

Whether it’s a problem you’ve got that you’re trying to solve, some expertise you need that you don’t have, or wisdom you lack that you need, seek help from those who have the knowledge you do not.

Why should we spin our wheels trying to solve something when we don’t have to?

Forgiveness

This week’s post is simple:  If you need to ask someone for forgiveness, do it immediately.  I had a choice to do that this week.

This week, a great friend of mine pointed out a behavior to me that falls well below my personal standards.  It wasn’t terribly easy to hear, but I could recognize the truth in what he said.  As I pondered his words later that day, I got the Holy Spirit prompting that I needed to ask this friend for forgiveness.

We have a choice when we know we need to ask for forgiveness.  We can either do it (obey the prompting of the Holy Spirit for Jesus followers) or make excuses why we don’t need to seek forgiveness.  In these situations, our excuses not to seek forgiveness are usually just lame excused to protect our pride.

I am blessed that my friend gave me forgiveness.  When I think about it, had I instead chosen to protect my pride (which is easy for me to do!), it could have cost me a dear friend.  In my book, that was far too high a price to pay.

I tell you that to encourage you to seek forgiveness when you know it’s what you need to do, so that you don’t wind up making a relationally costly mistake. 

Make the Call

On Thursday evening, my wife and I were scheduled to go to one of those painting classes where the instructor has a picture on display and walks everyone through how to paint it.  We’ve been to a similar class together and really enjoyed it!  We were looking forward to that being the start to our Christmas time off.  However, Thursday evening was when the threats of freezing rain were to come to fruition in our area.  

About 90 minutes before we were to go, I was out checking the street and sidewalks to see how much ice had already built up.  They were starting to get slick, and only forecast to get worse, but it felt like we would be able to make it.  For several minutes I went back and forth on whether or not we just go, or stay off the worsening roads.  About an hour before the class, we made the call to stay home.

Although we were disappointed not to be going, I’m glad we made the choice to stay off the roads.  It was the right choice, but that doesn’t mean it was pleasant to make. 

We often have choices that we know we need to make, but we delay, either because we don’t want to make the call, or we’re feeling pressured to make a choice contrary to the one we know we should make.  In those situations, it’s good to pause, ask ourselves what that wise choice is, and make the call. 

Are there any calls you need to make?

Thinking With Others  

 “None of us is as smart as all of us.”  ~Ken Blanchard

I’m working on a data visualization project at work with another person who also has a background in data.  After I first meeting, I knew I was going to like working with this person.

For starters, they had ideas about what they wanted to see in the visualization, and the questions they were hoping the visualization would answer.  What really impressed me about this person was that they were also willing to have their ideas built upon.

They’d throw and idea out, then I’d come back with and idea to build the idea they had proposed, and vice versa.  The end result of this “idea tennis match” was that we came up with some great visuals that will be useful for the folks in our organization that will ultimately consume this data.  In addition, it was fun to challenge each other with new thoughts.

I think it’s important to keep Ken Blanchard’s quote in mind, as well as keeping ourselves open to having our ideas stretched by other people.  Doing so exposes our ideas to the potential of becoming great ideas.

Where Else Can This Be Applied

Several years ago, I read a book titled, “Don’t Make Me Think” by Steve Krug.  It’s about website usability, and specifically about developing websites that are so intuitive for people to use, that they don’t have to give it much thought at all.  After reading this book, I realized that this concept of not making people think is equally applicable in other areas beyond technology. 

For instance, if you’re in charge of a building or venue that the public uses, like a church or an event center, you can apply this concept of not making people think, by ensuring the facility has signage that clearly directs patrons to the restrooms (Have you ever seen a sign that says “Restrooms”, but doesn’t direct you to where the restroom actually is?  I have!)

I love when I realize that a concept has application beyond the context in which I discovered it.  It reminds me to not only be on the lookout for new ideas, but also to be on the lookout for how I can apply existing ideas in new arenas.

Be on the lookout for how you can apply new and existing ideas beyond their original context.  It will give you more options in your problem solving toolbelt, as well as helping you improve your own personal performance.

Getting Our Facts Straight

Have you ever learned of a situation and reacted to it without exploring it further, only to find out that you would have been better served had you taken a moment to get your facts straight first?  Yeah, me too!  In fact, that happened to me just last weekend.

It’s so easy to get a partial story and immediately complete the rest of the story in our heads.  And it happens surprisingly fast too!  However, it usually doesn’t take that long to validate whether the story we’re telling ourselves is actually true. 

What I learned from last weekend was that I need to slow down and realize when I’m filling in my own details to a partial story I’ve been given.  Once I realize that I’m making assumptions, I need to do the work to determine whether they are true or not.

It’s a waste of time to react to a something that may not even be accurate.  Let’s commit to not wasting any more time reacting to our own assumptions, but instead make sure our facts are straight before we chart a course of action.  We’ll be better positioned to respond appropriately when we have a clear understanding of the scenario we’re dealing with.

Different Lives

As part of my kick off to the shorter days and darker nights of the fall season, I’ve begun reading a couple hours in the evening before bed most weeknights. The last 2 books I’ve read have been autobiographies, and from them, I’ve been reminded (of the obvious) that people have different backgrounds and experiences than I have.

The first book I read was from a man whose father was Nigerian and whose mother was from Kansas.  The focus of the book was on the influences of the 7 “fathers” this man had in his life that shaped and mentored him into the person he is today. 

The second book (that I’m actually still reading) is about the bass player for the band Guns N Roses, and his journey through music, drugs, addition, and recovery.  Let’s just say that this guy had a wild ride!

What I appreciate about both of these books is that they gave me a glimpse into another person’s life.  From that, I see how their experiences, fears, and desires influenced their thought process, and, ultimately, the choices they made, both when they were younger, and now that they’re older.

When I learn about the experiences, challenges, and struggles other people have faced, whether directly from them, or reading about it in a book, I find that it causes me to be less judgmental, especially when I don’t know their story.  It’s easy to cast judgement through the filter of my own experiences.  Occasionally, those judgements are correct.  More often though, I realize that things aren’t usually as black and white as my experience would say that they are.  I find that my initial snap judgements are often unwarranted, due to my lack of understanding and consideration of their experiences.

I’m grateful for opportunities to learn more about peoples’ lives, either through books or in person.     

Slowing Down

I’ve been noticing the past couple of weeks that I have a habit of reading through email and texts rather quickly.  As a result, I’ve also noticed that I often miss keep points or specific words within the messages.  Sometimes, this causes me to have a different interpretation of the message than what the sender intended. 

We all get a lot of email, texts, notifications, and other forms of media vying for our attention, and we need a way to get through them quickly.  However, what I’m starting to work on is slowing down a little when I get messages from those closest to me.  I want to make sure that I’m understanding what they’re communicating to me, versus getting it wrong because I was in a hurry. 

If someone is important to me, and they took the time to send me a text or email, I need to honor them by making sure I understand what they’re telling me.