communication

It’s Happening Now

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This week I saw the following statement on someone’s T-shirt:  “Enjoy it because it’s happening now”.

I love this timely reminder!

With the beginning of a new year, it’s common to focus on goals and what we plan on doing in the upcoming weeks and months of 2017.  While looking ahead and planning are indeed both important endeavors, it’s equally important that they not occur at the expense of enjoying the good things we’re experiencing in the present moment.

It seems to me that we create our history, our memories, our relationships, and even cement our legacies by how we choose handle what’s happening to us in each moment.

What kind of memories are we creating when we’re overly focused on the future?  What kind of relationships are we creating when we’re too distracted slow down and connect with the people we love and care about?  How will we be remembered by the people with whom we have the pleasure of crossing paths with?  Will they feel like we were looking over their shoulders to see what was next, or will they feel like we actually cared about and were interested in them?

Once gone, a present moment cannot be recaptured.  We can’t go back and extract enjoyment we left on the table from a moment that has already passed.  We must be mindful to enjoy what’s happening right now.

 

Curiosity and Understanding

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A couple of weeks ago my wife and I attended a Moth Mainstage event in Portland Oregon.  The Moth features everyday people who tell stories about their life without using any notes.  It’s just the speaker, a microphone, and the audience.

That night we heard from 5 different storytellers:

  1. A junior speech writer for President Obama
  2. An Australian lady helping her Hungarian boyfriend gain US citizenship
  3. A dad remembering a Halloween after the death of a beloved family pet
  4. The son of a man who died on Mt. Everest
  5. A Sudanese refugee’s journey across Africa, after fleeing from her war-torn country, that eventually led to the United States

Their stories were riveting.

As my wife and I were driving home, discussing what we’d just heard, we were both struck by how hearing someone’s story gave us an understanding as to how they thought about, felt about, and perceived their unique experience.  Even though neither of us has fled a war in our own country, we gained a slight understanding of how someone who has had that experience might feel, simply by hearing this Sudanese woman’s story.

Here’s the best part:  if we ever meet someone who is or was a refugee, we will have a better chance of understanding what concerns or fears they may be dealing with, simply because we were willing to listen to someone else’s similar experience.

I think it’s important to be curious about other people and willing to listen to them in order to gain a better perspective as to how their experiences have shaped their worldview, especially when they are different from us in culture or beliefs.

Be curious as you meet people that are different from you, and be willing to listen to them to understand how their experiences have shaped them.  It’s a great way to build connection with people you meet in the future that may have had a similar experience.

Collecting and Applying New Ideas

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For the last few years I’ve struggled with how I can remember all the great knowledge, insight, and wisdom I read in books.  Sure, I make notes and mark up the pages I read, but isn’t there a better system for cataloging all the great information I read in the course of a year?  Lately, I’ve come to realize that I’ve been asking the wrong question.

Instead of focusing on how I can recall the information I read, what would happen if instead I continued to fill my mind with good ideas, thoughts, and perspectives, and let them influence my thinking?

When I think about it, I really don’t need to get better at recalling information.  That’s Google’s job!  Instead, I should be focusing on how I can improve my thinking a little bit every day.  To do that, I’ve started to approach reading as a treasure hunt for good thoughts and ideas.  It’s pretty easy to identify them, as they often leap off the page.  The question then becomes what do I do with these good ideas once I’ve identified them?

Once I’ve been exposed to a new thought or idea, the best way I know to make use of it is to immediately start thinking where in my life I can apply it.  Underlining or highlighting it in the book and then moving on with the reading doesn’t really help solidify it.  You have to allow time to think or journal about the idea and its application in specific areas of your life.  This will cause the idea to take root and become part of your thought process; a new tool in your “thinking tool belt” that will influence how you think in the future.

I love the quote from Oliver Wendell Holmes that states,

“The human mind, once stretched to a new idea, never goes back to its original dimensions.”

Instead of reading to simply acquire more knowledge, let’s start focusing on collecting and applying ideas that will improve our thought process and mindset over the long term.

And think about this:  How much would your thinking improve in 1 year if you read just one book a month and from each book gleaned and applied 2 good ideas?

Let’s find out!

Words

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Would you ever walk around deliberately throwing pointed darts at people, hitting them with a club, or punching them in the gut? Of course not!  In fact, if we did, we’d likely get arrested!  Yet everyday people are equally, if not more, careless with the words they choose to launch at others.

Words are interesting because they don’t have any preference on how or for what purpose they are used.  They are amoral and only become positive or negative based solely on how we choose to wield them.

Look at the contrast between the attributes of positive and negative words:

Positive Words Negative Words
Encouraging Discouraging
Affirming Tearing down
Loving Hateful
Caring Hurtful
Compassionate Condemning
Healing Crushing
Life saving Hopeless
Enduring Enduring

 

Our words have an impact on people, especially on those closest to us.  And though they can be positive or negative, they are often not soon forgotten.

This underscores the importance of the awareness we should possess regarding the words we use and how we’re treating others with them.  Are we being careless with our words or are we using them to encourage and edify others?  If we could see a visual representation of the words we’re delivering to others would they resemble sticks, darts, clubs, and stones, or would they look more like a smile, a pat on the back, a high-five, and a hug?

We do have a choice regarding the words we use.  They leave our lips wrapped in our intentions.  Let’s intention to deliver positive words that bless others versus cursing them.  When we do, we’ll likely notice that the words we receive from others are kind and positive as well.

It’s Time to be Intentional

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How many times has a scenario similar to this happened to you?  You’re talking with a friend about something fun you’d both like to do and someone says, “That sounds fun!  We need to do that!”  You’re both genuinely interested in the event, and have every intention of scheduling a time to get together and make it happen.  But you get busy and the event, along with everyone’s excitement about it, gets pushed to the back of everyone’s mind, where it is soon forgotten until the next time you get together with this friend and the topic comes up again… and the cycle continues.

This was the same cycle me, my wife, sister, and brother-in-law have been in for several years regarding a day trip to Oregon’s Fruit Loop in the Hood River Valley.

Hood River Oregon is known for its agriculture, specifically apples, pears, and peaches.  (Once you’ve had a Honey Crisp apple from Kiyokawa Family Orchards you’ll be spoiled for life!  No other apple will ever compare.)  The Fruit Loop consists of a bunch of farms, orchards, and wineries in the area that sell produce and other regional goods they produce.  While the Fruit Loop is open most of the year, for my wife and I, fall is the best time to attend.

hoodriver

Anyhow, my wife, sister, brother-in-law and I finally decided that September 24, 2016 would be the day that the 4 of us would at last go to the Fruit Loop together.  It turned out to be a perfect day!  The weather was sunny and in the mid-70s with spectacular views of Mt. Hood and Mt. Adams.   We picked Honey Crisp apples right off the tree, sampled delicious seasonal fruit, along with jams, jellies, and pastries, and ended the day with a late lunch at Mt Hood’s Timberline Lodge.  A beautiful end to a fantastic day!

This trip reminded me about the importance of being intentional about making events like this happen.  It’s too easy to just say you want to get together with folks and do something special, and then never make it happen.  However, but I would argue that it’s also pretty easy to get out the calendar and pick a day make it happen.  Being intentional is not that hard.  Especially when we realize the positive impact it can have on our lives.

What about you?  Are there activities you’d like to do that you’re putting off for no good reason, or people you’ve been meaning to connect with that you never get around to putting on the calendar?  If so, I encourage you to go get your calendar or send an email to those you’ve been meaning to connect with and set a date to make it happen.

It’s time to stop being too busy and start being intentional.

Here’s Some Perspective

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Earlier this week I was involved in a long-term vision planning session at our church. I love strategy sessions like this, because any strategy session I’ve ever been a part of, be it for work, church, or family, has yielded a number of differing perspectives and ideas from the people assembled.  Never once has everyone in a group shown up with the exact same perspective.  In fact, if that were to ever happen, I’d assume that the wrong people had been assembled for the task.

Different perspectives are crucial in setting direction and strategy, or for making decisions that will impact a larger group of people.  However, they can cause tension and frustration, which isn’t a bad thing.  Group members just need to understand these key points regarding peoples’ perspectives:

  • The perspectives of others are just a real and true to them as our perspectives are to us. As a result, we shouldn’t be too quick to dismiss someone’s perspective simply because it doesn’t align with our own.
  • When we fail to consider the perspectives of others, we miss an opportunity to get a better understanding about how others within the larger group may be thinking. If on person has a particular perspective, it’s likely other do as well.
  • If we dismiss or ignore someone’s perspective in the decision making process, simply because it is different from ours, we can have a high degree of confidence that we will not be getting their buy-in to whatever decision is made.

We can learn a lot about people and groups of people when we listen with genuine interest to understand their perspective and where it comes from.  I think one of the highest honors we can pay someone is to listen to and seek to understand their perspective, even when we don’t agree with it at first.

The next time you are in a conversation where there are differing perspectives, don’t be too quick to dismiss the ones that don’t align with your own.  Instead, use the difference as an opportunity to gain some understanding as to where the other person is coming from. Not only will you possibly gain some new understanding, you’ll most likely be making a connection with a fellow human being as well.

Seeing Beauty

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My wife and I recently made a visit to Crater Lake National Park.  Although we had been there several times before, (we’re fortunate to live relatively close to this gem) I was once again captivated by the overwhelming beauty of this natural treasure.

Crater Lake

A video playing at the park’s Visitor Center described how the natural beauty of Crater Lake that we see today is the result of a very violent volcanic past.  A severe eruption of Mt. Mazama left the area looking like a “moonscape”, as described by the park video.  However, years of wind and weather have transformed the once barren site to the beautiful lake we see today.

The beauty of the lake is unmistakable.  It got me thinking that there are people who are a lot like Crater Lake.  Not that they have “off-the-charts” physical beauty, but rather they have beauty that comes from a decision to choose a positive response to a significant “eruption” in their own life experience.  For example, they choose to:

  • Be victorious versus defeated.
  • Focus on what they are grateful for versus what they’ve lost.
  • Encourage others facing the same or similar experience.
  • Live their life with purpose regardless of past circumstances.

These, and similar choices, to past “eruptions” in life make for a beautiful person.

Seeing physical beauty in nature, like Crater Lake, is easy.  However, seeing beauty as a result of people’s difficult life experience is not always as obvious.

As we’re interacting with others, let’s remember that we’re often not aware of what they have experienced in life.  And, if you’re ever blessed to have someone share their past “eruption” with you and how they have chosen a positive path forward… stand in awe at the beauty before you.

My Own Senseless Expectations

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A couple of days ago I held a door at work open for someone who was pushing a cart full of computer equipment.  As I held the door, he gave a broad smile, walked through, and didn’t say, “Thank you”.   That kind of bothered me.

In my mind, I immediately had thoughts of:

  • Giving a sarcastic “You’re welcome”
  • How I should have let him get the door himself
  • How he must obviously be a self-centered jerk

Pretty petty, huh?

It was amazing how fast these thoughts flooded my mind.  Perhaps that says more about me and areas I need to work on than it does about him.

About 10 minutes later I saw the same guy pushing the cart heading my way.  As we got close enough to make eye contact, he gave me a big, kind smile, as if to say, “I remember you and what you did for me a few minutes ago!”  I smiled and nodded.  I now felt like it was me who was the jerk.

As I thought back on our earlier encounter at the door, I realized that my negative thoughts toward him arose because he hadn’t responded the way I thought he should have in that specific situation.  I felt a verbal, “Thank you” was in order, so that’s what I expected.  However, his, “Thank you”, came in the form of a broad smile.  My negative reaction and thoughts were totally unwarranted and robbed me of several minutes of joy I could have otherwise been experiencing.

It was a clear reminder that the world does not operate according to my interpretation of how things should be done.  Also, it made me check my motives.  Was I holding the door open to receive praise and thanks, as I saw fit, or was I don’t it because it was the kind, honoring thing to do for a fellow human being, regardless of whether I received a positive response?

When we get frustrated because people don’t respond to something exactly as we would like them to, we are setting ourselves up to potentially damage relationships.  Instead of realizing the uniqueness of others and allowing them to express their uniqueness, we box them into our own expectations.

I know I wouldn’t appreciate others boxing me in like that, so what gives me the right to do that to others?  The answer… is “nothing”.

Let’s work at dropping our senseless expectations that everyone should and respond the way we think they should.  Let’s instead start appreciating the uniqueness of others and allowing them to express it.  Because, wouldn’t we all like the seam kindness shown to us

Let’s Not Lose Sight of Reality

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I was listening to a podcast yesterday about Augmented Reality (AR) and the role it will play in our lives in the future.  Similar to Virtual Reality (VR) AR involves wearing a set of goggles that allows you to see things that aren’t really there.  The difference between AR and VR is that while VR shows you a view of an environment that doesn’t exist, AR allows you to see your actual environment, but also shows you things or people that aren’t physically present.

For example, I could be wearing AR goggles and look down at my wrist and see a wrist watch, even though I’m not actually wearing a watch, or I could see a flat screen TV or computer screen on the wall that isn’t really present.  In addition to objects, you would also be able to see people, who were also wearing AR goggles, as if they were in the same spaces as you, even if they are miles, countries, or even continents away.  It sounded pretty amazing!

The host of the podcast went on to talk about the application of such technology and how it could transform everything from how people attend conferences, train for skills, and even attend Thanksgiving dinners with family.  In his opinion, this technology was about 3 years away.  He made that comment that when this technology becomes available, it will very shortly begin impacting all of our lives.  One comment he made was that once this technology is mainstream, we will likely feel naked if we leave the house without our AR goggles.

That last part struck me, and has haunted me to some degree since hearing it.  I think AR and VR technology will be amazing and will have significant application and promise to improve many aspects of our lives.  However, I also see how it can further isolate us from one another as humans, much like our smartphones have the capacity to do today.  If we as users of this technology are not wise enough to put healthy boundaries around its use, I can see how we could easily become a society that is more focused and interested in the things in our lives that are NOT real, while neglecting the things (and people) that are.

Let’s take a lesson from the adoption and impact the smartphone has had on cultures today.  As new technologies become mainstream, let’s be aware to set boundaries around their use; boundaries that are designed to maintain, and hopefully strengthen, the relationships we already have with those around us.   It would be a shame to think that we would rather gravitate toward a piece of technology over interacting with people that are present in our lives.  But as history has shown us, if left unchecked, that is exactly how we would lean.

Being Real

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So much of our days are spent looking like we have everything put together.  We often don’t let people around us know what we’re struggling with, what we’re being challenged by, or where we need help.  Certainly in America there is the thought that we should be “pulling ourselves up by our boot straps” without requiring assistance from others.

I don’t think this is always the case.  While there are times when we need to make an individual effort to drive change, I think we often overlook the benefit of sharing parts of our life with other individuals or a small group of like-minded people.

I am fortunate to be involved in 3 different groups of people ranging in size from 2 to 7 people.  These are informal groups that get together on a regular basis to discuss a topic that has significance in each person’s life.  One thing that has amazed me about each of these groups is how once people learn that the group is a safe place, how quickly they are to get real about their struggles and challenges.  In addition, people are also willing to offer encouragement to others, often borne out of their own experience with the same challenge or struggle another group member is facing.   These groups are also a great place for people to share their success with others who are genuinely excited to see others in the group succeed.

I don’t know if most people have a group, or an individual, they can be real with and with whom they can encourage and be encouraged by.  My guess is that they don’t.

Regardless, I think we each have the capacity as individuals to provide opportunities for others to be real around us.  It can be as simple as:

  • Actually listening to someone when they are telling us about what’s going on in their life instead of quickly jumping in and telling them what we’re up to.
  • Asking probing questions about what/how they’re doing, if you feel like there’s more to what someone is telling you, and it seems like they’d like to share
  • Sharing a similar struggle you’ve had that they are currently experiencing, and how you either have or are overcoming it. This lets them know that they’re not the only one who has struggled in this area.

We all have struggles and challenges.  We also have the capacity to lighten these burdens others carry by listening to them, encouraging them and celebrating the victories that often follow.

Be aware of the conversations you’re having with those closest to you and look for opportunities to get real with them.  It’s likely to result in a deeper relationship as well as the sense that you had a positive impact in the life of someone else.